Arbitrary Barriers.
Do you know what these are?
Arbitrary barriers are traps we set up – for ourselves, by ourselves – that preclude us from doing great work.
The dialogue is pretty simple. It’s usually an “if-then” statement, a wish to be fulfilled that can only happen after you do something else. This is what it looks like:
“I’ll learn how to play the guitar after I finish paying off my student loans.”
“I’ll publish a book when I have more time.”
“I’ll figure out how to do it when I finish doing this other thing first.”
This isn’t about the case of the tomorrows (or laters), which we all know almost always means never.
This is a psychological mind trap, a way of thinking that you’re probably not even aware that you’re doing.
Are you setting unreasonable limits to your own success?
One way to get out of it is to talk about your ideas – loudly, publicly, to your friends and peers – and let them know what your scary dreams are. They’ll ask the questions you don’t want to ask yourself yet.
Here’s an example: I want to learn how to sing. Don’t ask me why – I’m a terrible singer and I’ve not really done it before. And I told my friend, one of the most beautiful singers at stanford b-school I’ve ever met – that ‘one day,’ I’d get some vocal lessons. And then I made excuse after excuse after excuse about why I wasn’t doing it. I’ll do it when I have more money. When I have more time. After I finish the project that I’m doing. When I feel comfortable enough to sing in front of people and not be embarrased. Every excuse follows a pretty similar pattern. I’ll do it when ___________.
Whatever the __________ is, it’s an arbitrary barrier. You’ve told yourself, in your mind, that you will only do something after you do something else. And if you don’t accomplish the first thing, then you don’t really ever have to get going on the second thing.
Bullshit. Call it when you see it. Call it on yourself – I’m putting it out there – bullshit on you, Sarah, there’s nothing *really* stopping you – you’re full of a load of Arbitrary Barrier bullshit.
Let nothing stop you on your quest for attainment, for your quest for success, for what you want, really want to do. Each invisible barrier, real or imagined, needs to be blown up like a military man on a quest for points in an (arbitrary?) video game. Do it.
Blow that shit up.
And stop fooling yourself. If you really want it, you’ll do it despite of the barriers, maybe even because of the barriers, because you want to get there. When the doctor told me I’d never swim again right before she performed surgery to remove a rib from my body, I called bullshit four weeks later (a weak bullshit, since I wasn’t so good at talking after chest surgery, but bullshit nonetheless). Six months down the road, I jumped in a pool again.
This summer I swam a ten-mile open water swim for the first time.
Don’t tell me what I can’t do.
And stop telling yourself what you can’t do. Recognize the arbitrary barriers you set up for yourself and use them as motivation to get started that much faster.
So get there. Bullshit. Stop with the arbitrary barriers.
Get out of your own way.
Thanks Sarah, for shaking me up. I have loads of these and need to get rid of them and ACT on things I want to do and I love doing like blogging, designing, photography..
wow Sarah this ia a nice piece…I think its more about getting out of your comfort zone ..I actually got thinking about the bullshit I give to myself when I should be out there thinking of a way to get it done…
Thanks for the timely, provoking, and entertaining piece. The “Arbitrary Barrier bullshit” may be the biggest nail in the homeostatic coffin our pride and ego try to bury us in. Though not surprising, I’m still continually struck by how little anybody else plays in that process.
Rockin piece…love it. Declare war on yourself and win!
Yes! One thing at a time – bit by bit, and it happens. Sometimes we just have to get out of our own way … happens to me all the time, and I have to call BS on myself. :) Have a great day! Share your blog and photography when you get a chance – would love to see it! :)
You’re absolutely right – it’s so about getting out of your comfort zone. It’s really hard to do, because what we know feels easy and safe. Hope you get to do something scary, wonderful and different today!
I love this! “Nail in the homeostatic coffin our pride and ego try to bury us in” – RIGHT ON. SO often it’s just about us, not about anyone else. You’re so right!
Thanks Tricia! Really appreciate your stopping by :) — It’s hard when you realize you’re not battling anyone else but yourself. (Sometimes you have to take it easy on yourself, too, and give yourself grace to fail and stumble at times). I love the attitude, though – rock on!
I love it. Good stuff. It is sometimes difficult to awaken from our “dogmatic slumber” because we have built up so many ideas about who and what we are (and/or what life is). But they are just thoughts, and they rarely have a substantial basis in “reality” (another “thought”). Thank you for shining the light.
Totally agree, you just put it more succinctly than I think I could. I tend to meander, especially when I’m trying to deliver a point as useful as this.
Todd – you’re not alone; I do the same thing. Sometimes, rarely, I find a point and grab it. This one gets all credit to my friend who queried me repeatedly about why I wasn’t doing what I said I wanted to do. Definitely an “Aha!” moment. I’m SO glad it resonated with you.
“Dogmatic Slumber” – YES. I love things that wake us up a bit, jolt us out of reality and make us realize that reality is … well, it’s what we make of it. It’s what we say it is. :) Good luck with all of your aspirations – I hope you get something done this week that you’ve been wanting to do!
Hi Sarah,
My life blog is http://ataracticmind.dharmeshbarot.com and photography website is http://www.dbFotografy.com
I want to do so many things but obviously can’t do all together and if I space out for too long then my learning process is slow.. need to focus on few at a time. Although my primary is my life blog and photography :D