I’m staring at the giant salad box in front of me on the airplane, munching down on another pile of cheese and ham, trying to figure out if I’m even hungry. There’s still piles of salad left, and I’m cramped in between the person next to me and the window, navigating my book and my salad in my small allotment of plane space.
I stopped for a second, looking at the box. It was another example of the problem I kept seeing over and over again:
Invisible systems that control your behavior.
Here’s the thing: you don’t have to eat what’s on the plate. You don’t have to eat any or all of it. But once it’s in front of you, your mind switches to auto-pilot and, for most of us, we consume everything in front of us until it’s gone. The salads I buy from the store come in a box with a fixed amount of ingredients. The size is set: “box” size. It’s the average size and portion determined by someone else to be suitable for every individual, everywhere. The best optimal price point for the business to create a product and move that product off the shelves.
Guess what? You don’t have to eat all the salad in the box.
It’s something small, inconsequential, but it’s huge. Your behavior is being guided by what Ramit Sethi calls an invisible script; the parameters are set forth, and then you operate within them.
Although my mother would kill me for telling you this, you don’t have to finish what’s on your plate, you don’t have to eat the whole hamburger, and you can eat three, ten, or seventy French fries if that’s what you want and how hungry you are. I’ve done all of the above. Sometimes I order an entire order of fries just to eat three of them and throw the rest of them away. I only wanted three–then the salt was too much.
But this post isn’t really about food. So much of what we do is dictated by the invisible systems all around us:
Finish what’s on your plate.
Eat everything in the bag.
Work only during certain hours.
Sleep only during certain hours, only for 8 hours. Less if you want to fit in. Brag about how little sleep you get.
Running involves hard work, sweating, and discomfort.
Work takes a set amount of time.
“They” won’t let me.
Corporate is evil.
I need to quit my job to be happy.
Once I’m an adult, I won’t skip, laugh, jump or play anymore.
Wait, what?
What systems and thoughts guide your behavior? Are they true? What are the invisible systems that guide your actions? Mindless Eating is a brilliant book that looks at eating with relation to our habits and external cues. While the topic is about food, the subject unravels far more than what we put in our mouths: it’s about the psychology of why we consistently overeat, and what cues (from the size of a plate, to an experiment with a never-ending bowl of soup that caused subjects to eat FOUR TIMES as much as they would have if the bowl emptied normally) confuse and guide us so that we don’t actually have to think about what we’re doing.
When you become aware of these cues, these systems at play, you realize: you don’t have to do what they suggest.
And it’s not about willpower or fighting against yourself. It’s setting up the system in advance–and understand what actually affects your behavior–so that you can encourage the behaviors that you want. Don’t want to eat as much food? The best change you can make is to buy smaller plates.
It takes a lot of listening, fine-tuning, and habit disruption, but you can condition yourself to see the invisible systems. To challenge what they are asking you to do.
What are the invisible systems that guide your behavior? Do you have to do what they suggest?
Better yet: can you change them?
I totally get what you’re saying Sarah. From my perspective, so much of the food I eat is done on “autopilot.” Not thinking about the what, where, how, etc. of the food has been a way of life for me.
However, I’ve recently been trying to eat my food mindfully (via zen habits seafoam program). Just noticing what I’m eating, slowing down, and thinking about the food has changed my perspective. I have yet to cut out the junk food (next on my list) but when I do eat it, I’m beginning to realize the way it makes me feel versus healthy alternatives.
And, just going to the Farmer’s Market and looking at all the various veggies and fruits has given me a new appreciation for where food comes from. Next up, trying to start adding them to my meals.
Thanks for a great post!
Alan, You’re reading my mind! I was just thinking about behavior change again this morning, and realizing that a lot of it is first becoming aware of what’s currently going on. Opening our minds up to see and record and observe what’s currently going on, and then gently, subtly, slowly changing it. It usually takes anywhere from 2-4 months for me of really pondering and reflecting on a lot of things (like you said, becoming aware of how certain foods make me feel, and then linking the dots and realizing what I’m doing) – before I actually embed these new thoughts into long-term behavior patterns.
With regards to eating, some of the most successful things I’ve done have been to have lots and lots of apples around, and my goal is just to eat one per day. No restrictions, no condemnations, no guilting myself into what I’ve done badly — just eat one apple whenever you can. The other thing is eating Kale for breakfast. I buy three or four bags of kale, and I cook some while my coffee is going, and whatever I’m doing, I try to eat a small bit (maybe a cup) of kale for most breakfasts. It seems strange, but it’s like I align myself for a good day just by doing that one thing. Even if I want a donut, or a cookie, or eggs, or bacon, I always try to start with Kale. Usually it works out that I don’t end up eating the donut, too.
Sarah, this is a great post and one I try to remind myself and my clients of every day.
Every BODY is different. As a personal trainer and wellness coach, I’ll be the first to attest to that. People most likely don’t need the full serving of whatever pre-packaged nonsense or meal from that chain restaurant in order to fulfill their hunger. And just like you say, one needn’t do what everyone else does in order to fit the system and get along with everyone else.
Most people want to achieve abnormal goals (be leaner than most, be stronger than most, be faster than most, etc.). In order to achieve these goals, you must go about it… well… abnormally.
I try to challenge myself and those I coach to do what is best for them personally, rather than what’s worked (or even what hasn’t worked, yet everyone does it anyway so it’s the norm) for others. It’s the best way to ensure your own abnormally successful results in and outside of the gym.
Knowing that you have the option, that the choice is yours to either do what everyone else does and thus lead a normal life, or take the abnormal route by doing what will make you successful (however you define that word), is extremely empowering in all aspects of life.
Thanks for a great post. I was nodding along the whole time. :)
Hi Sarah,
Absolutely agree! And with the comments of Alan and Amy too. Most people have no clue about their food and the impact it has on the body. We eat too fast, swallow our food before we’ve chewed it enough and how many people eat their lunch at work in front of a computer or in front of the TV at night?? (And yes I am guilty of both!) and as a consequence eat too much as we don’t allow enough time for our brain to catch up with the fact that our stomach is full.
A few years back now I made a change – I was a definite inhaler of food. I made a conscious decision to eat slowly, sit at the table, put my knife and fork down between meals. And when I was starting to feel full, tell myself “I’m done”. I even said it out loud. What a difference.
I know your post is not just about food – it is about how we live our lives, un-attached to ourselves, and unaware. Just imagine if we all took the time?
What if we all took the time to reflect on our belief systems. And while many of them are resourceful strategies that expand our lives and thinking; Some are unresourceful and limit our existence. If we had the courage to look at these or started to notice what a difference we would make to our own lives, to others and to humanity.
Love your work Sarah – so grateful to have stumbled across your blog!
Fantastic!
Yes – the invisible system is at work. We need to get beyond it and set up our own visible system (like the smaller plates you mention).
So few of us question our values and self-examine. If we did, we’d find that we can set our own rules and that we don’t have to play by the ones others determined.
Sarah,
It’s funny-I am reading all these comments and wondering why are they talking about food? :-)
It is about all invisible systems, some of which make up the cultures in our organizations or our society. So much of what we do as individuals and groups is based on subconscious assumptions and acceptance of invisible systems, some of which are so deep we don’t know why they are there. Try this with a group (works best with a group larger than a dozen).
As a group show them
1 2 3 4
and have them immediately select a number and write it down.
We assume that a random group of people would have their selections randomly distributed across the digits. It isn’t. 99 times out of 100 there is one number selected more than the others (and often more than all the others combined). I won’t tell you what it is, but it rhymes with tree.
This is an invisible system and it is why there is wisdom in the advice on college multipel choice tests (because they tend to be written by untrained test-makers): When in doubt choose C.
Thanks for a great post!