How do you deal with loneliness?
The problem with my first job wasn’t the job itself—it was how few people I knew at the company. In most structures throughout my life—family, school, college, sports—we bonded as teammates and community members because of shared goals, ideas, and dreams. Yet at work, I barely had friends. Perhaps it was the age disparity; the fact that people started quietly only a few days per year, or because we didn’t have a common lunch area. Being busy chasing financial goals didn’t help, either. At the end of my first year, I found myself tired, alone, and unsure of what I was contributing as an entry-level employee.
I made a vow to change a few things. I joined two sports groups—a morning swim team and a triathlon training group. I signed up for my first yoga community practice. And I started going to events. I found meet-up groups, lectures and workshops, and conferences to attend. In one year, I met more than 500 new people—many of whom are now, ten years later, some of my closest friends.
What is loneliness? Where does it come from?
What is loneliness? Where does it come from, and why do we experience it? How can we combat it—and better yet: why is it useful?
For the past year, I’ve been researching loneliness, community and the power of connectivity, and I’ll be debuting a new keynote at ALIVE in Berlin this May looking at the structures that create loneliness, why community and connectivity are so important, and what we can do to help reconnect both to ourselves and to other people. As a bonus, I’ll also be teaching a workshop on the power of connection—and tips on how to connect with other people through understanding the physical body (your posture and stance); through your story (and what you say); and by being open and asking questions.
One of the most important ways I’ve met new people and found my tribes is through attending and joining conferences that gather like-minded people together. From WDS (Portland) to Big Omaha (Nebraska) to The Feast (New York + Global) and TED (Global), each time I’ve taken the jitters of traveling alone, taken a deep breath, and tried to meet kind faces and reach out and extend my ties to the world by meeting more of the humans we share space with.
[tweetable hashtag=”@sarahkpeck @aliveinberlin”]The strength of your life comes from the people you surround yourself with.[/tweetable]
What does a woman who lives with hens and roosters on a farm out in the middle of England decide to do after building a thriving virtual and in-person coaching practice? Start a conference, of course.
I met Jana Schuberth at the first World Domination Summit (one of my favorite conferences—you can check out the yearly recaps as a testament to the experience). We both wandered through Portland, Jana with bare feet, me in my yoga clothes—and chatted about nutrition, exercise, paleo diets, motivation, and personal development. She’d made the trek over to the States from Loughborough, England, and our late night chats meant it was an instant kinship—we still chat by Skype as often as we can schedule it across projects and time zones.
I had a chance to sit down with Jana and interview her about her story, how she writes, and the challenges of blogging. As she says, “I’m probably a bit crazy to be doing this all, but I looked around and I really wanted the WDS experience here in Europe.” She describes chatting with a mentor about wanting someone to build similar conferences in Europe and her home country, Germany; to which her mentor replied:
“If you really want something like this, you’re going to have to be the one to build it.”
[tweetable hashtag=”@sarahkpeck @aliveinberlin”]“It’s your job to build what you want to see in the world.”[/tweetable]
With a bit of excitement and nerves, she realized—Yes, that’s it. Somehow, we’re going to throw a conference next year. Alive in Berlin was born.
Alive in Berlin: A global conference for change-makers
I have a soft spot in my heart for do-ers and makers; and this conference aims to collect them in one space. If you’re curious about the conference, check out Alive in Berlin (and read the end of this post for an incredible scholarship opportunity to the conference).
Some things to know: The conference is in Berlin. Registration fees are £349.00. Dates are May 30-31. It will be gorgeous Springtime in the epic city of Berlin (I’m staying a few extra days to explore the city—I’ve heard the street art is phenomenal and the late night dance parties epic, in addition to exploring the cities’ rich and vibrant history).
From the ALIVE team:
“Alive in Berlin is not just about getting a temporary hit of inspiration, it’s about making deep connections and coming away with a solid plan of action. Rather than leaving with your head in the clouds, overwhelmed with information and ideas and ultimately coming back down to earth with a bump, we want you to feel confident, re-energised and ready to wholeheartedly step all areas of your life up to the next level over the long-term.”
“The two-day event will include 8 brilliant expert speakers from a wide range of disciplines, space throughout the weekend for relaxed conversation and interaction, daily Q&A sessions where you can interact directly with many of our speakers and coaches, and opportunities to get active and involved for those who want to. There will also be a chill room and coffee corner to relax, reflect and take time out if you need to!”
Together we’ll explore the common threads that connect us and make us come alive.
And the EPIC April Giveaway: One scholarship space to ALIVE in Berlin—all the details (and a short application)!
Want in?
The thing about conferences is, they often cost a couple of bucks. I know—one year I went to 24 different events—from Big Omaha to The Feast to WDS to Startup Weekend Los Angeles. I was averaging a conference or event every other weekend—and I was exhausted. And it was the bulk of my eating and entertainment budget for the year (let’s just say I ate a lot of granola bars and hardboiled eggs).
But I wouldn’t change that year for the world.
The thing about conferences is, they’re also one of the best places to meet new people. People in your tribe, people who speak your language, people who have what you want, people who want what you have to offer. Sometimes it’s a late-night chat and a fitness conversation; sometimes it’s a life-long friend, sometimes it’s the right designer for your project or a place to crash the next time you travel to that new city.
[tweetable hashtag=”@sarahkpeck @aliveinberlin”]Finding your tribe—people who understand you—is life-changing.[/tweetable] As adults, there aren’t as many opportunities to mix up the sandbox and say hello to knew folks. To meet new friends. When you have the same job, the same commute, and the same screen every day, our opportunities for adult summer camp and friendship quickly dwindle. Conferences are places to let you come out of your current storyline and try a new route for your own adventure.
As a bonus—because I’m a speaker at the event—I have one scholarship ticket to ALIVE in Berlin to gift to a lucky reader in this community.
If you’re itching to go to Berlin, to shake up your life, or find a new community, one lucky winner will get to win ONE ticket to the conference.
How do you win? Here’s what you’ve gotta do:
- First, leave a comment down below! Tell us a conference story: what have conferences done for you? Where do you find and meet new people? What’s been the best event for you so far?
- Second, share this post. Heart it, tweet it, post it, write about it. Simple. Click to tweet: [tweetable hashtag=”@sarahkpeck @aliveinberlin]Epic April Giveaway: One scholarship space to ALIVE in Berlin![/tweetable]
- Third, apply for the scholarship with this application form.
Winner will be picked on Friday, April 11, 2014. Turn in your application by Thursday, April 10, 2014. You have one week to enter—good luck!
The scholarship is for £249 off the ticket price. The scholarship ticket will be £70 (to cover basic event fees + registration fees) towards the ticket price. If selected, you will have one week to purchase the ticket.
[tweetable hashtag=”@sarahkpeck @aliveinberlin”]Bravery is encouraged. Authenticity rewarded.[/tweetable] Tell us, what makes you come ALIVE?
To listen to the full interview with Jana Schuberth and Sarah Peck, listen here:
Loneliness is a funny thing. I spend a lot of my time alone and it’s taught me to reach out to other people who might be lonely and see what their needs are. Of course, sometimes I enjoy being on my own, not having to conform to anyone’s needs or wants but my own.
Well, I haven’t been to a conference before and Alive in Berlin will be my first one. For years now I have been listening and watching thousands of teleseminars and webinars. And for me NOW it’s the time where I will step into my own power and Alive in Berlin is the perfect spot to do just that.
At one of my first women in technology conferences a few years ago Ada Camp, I met my mentor in D.C.–despite living in the same city we never had a chance to meet in-person until then! The conference was eye opening, I was able to meet other passionate women who faced a lot of the same struggles, and be inspired by what everyone was achieving in open source together.
Since then I’ve had other mentors, have been mentored and took my non-profit CoderDojo NYC (where we run free workshops teaching youth to code) to the next level. I ended up being awarded as a U.S. White House Champion of Change for ‘Tech Inclusion’ to bring technology education to underrepresented groups, especially women and youth. I found the courage to speak more freely, and have since then spoken at The White House and many conferences and events encouraging more women in leadership and STEM.
I can’t wait to hear your research on loneliness, community and connectivity. Myself, I’m a bit dichotomous. My career has been in marketing and I can definitely talk up a storm, but I’m also an introvert who craves alone time. So I’ve found that my biggest gains in personal growth have come from combining the two – surrounding myself at conferences with a community of inspirational, action-oriented go-getters, but then having time for reflection and mental processing. As for favorite conferences, I’d have to say Dreamforce – the Salesforce.com/CRM conference. The innovation and enthusiasm is electric!
Having moved A LOT and last year I moved again, I was very lonely. I started to attend Creative Mornings, I reached out to coaches I admired and asked their advice, I made phone calls, I wrote a TV show and a screenplay. I learned a lot about social media. I cried. I learned the art of appreciating my own company and being good to myself. I joined a group coaching class so that once a week I had the company of some cool like minded women to talk to, even if by phone. I practiced gratitude. I developed a serious addiction to Law & Order and Modern Family reruns. I went to coffee shops alone.
Congratulations Sarah, that sounds like a great event.
I too love attending conferences and the community I have built because of attending has been invaluable. Surrounding myself with people who have similar interests, goals, and ambitions as I do is the easiest way to engage and make meaningful connections. Creating actual relationships with coworkers can be difficult, because the only common denominator that everyone has is working for the same company. This doesn’t always translate to enjoying time together outside of work.
Alive in Berlin will be my first conference! I’m eagerly working on a way to attend the conference all the way from Washington, DC. I understand that it’s a long travel, but from the coverage of this event it seems life changing. I’m willing to do what’s required to make it happen! This is the energy I need to be around. Meeting new people that are creating their own lane inspires me and makes me come alive! Therefore, I’m looking forward to finding a way to attend. I mostly meet new people in coffee shops. I believe the coffee shop is the hub of innovation, and connecting. There’s something awesome about people connecting around coffee, and end of having conversations that can change lives. I also meet people at the Creative Mornings Chapter here in Washington DC. I love surrounding myself with like-minded individuals that operate with the same passion to push the culture forward that I have. I recently joined the IGDC group here in DC as well. It’s a group of amazing people all creating in their own way. We meet up often in a seleted location and shoot images with our iPhone. The challenge is all about perspective. We all shoot the same locations, and come up completely different images! Attending a Creative Morning session back in October was the best event for me. I met a really amazing person that has grown to be a great friend, and also my business partner. Stephanie has truly inspired me to push boundaries with my work, and in life! It’s amazing, just when you think you’re the only one going through certain things you realize you’re not alone! Loneliness isn’t the problem. Addressing those issues that make us feel lonely are.
I have never been to a conference before! Hailing from New Zealand, which is the bottom of the world, it was always too challenging geographically to attend any amazing conferences. I have just moved to London 6 weeks ago, and am super excited about ALIVE! I really hope to attend and would love to connect with like minded people and create new relationships up here :)