Category: Books

How Do You Decide What Book to Read Next?

Posted on by Sarah K Peck

I’m the kind of person that always wants to add more books to the pile. More from Amazon, more from the library, more from the shared local bookshelf across the street in front of the coffee shop. How do I decide how many books to read this week? Which one? Help! I can’t decide! This is torture!

If I could read every (good) book ever made, I would.

In fact, I used to look forward to summer because the local library held a summer reading competition and I would try to read as many books as possible before the summer was out.

Gosh, I love books!

But, time has a way of limiting us, and I want quality over quantity.

Recently I stumbled on a great way of choosing which book to read next.

In 2017, I decided to keep a public list of every book I read and share my top 2-3 recommendations in my newsletter each month. I committed to reading more books by women, so at least half of all the books I’ll read this year will be by women. (I’m also tracking the number of books I read by people of color.)

I know that I want to read good books to recommend, and that I’ll probably have time for 2-4 books each month.

Simply by knowing that I’m writing down a list of all the books I’ve read has made me more discerning in which ones I pick up.

If this year’s reading list only has 24 books on it, which books will make the cut?

By limiting myself to two books, I’ve become more savoring of which ones to read. Sometimes having an edge increases the quality. When you choose what your boundaries are before you begin, sometimes the results are better.

And when you force yourself to decide—even if the constraints are arbitrary—deciding has power to it.

What books have you read this summer?

PS: here are my summer reading list recommendations.

Summer Reading List

Posted on by Sarah K Peck

There’s not much I like more than curling up with a good book and being swept away into a story or deep into a new set of ideas. This year, I’m tracking everything I read on my reading list, and making sure that half the list is made up of books by women. Now, midway through the year, I thought I’d share some book highlights and recommendations from my reading list.

Memoir Recommendations

Between The World And Me, by Ta-Nehisi Coates. A series of letters from a father to his young son. Simply outstanding.

Sex Object, by Jessica Valenti. Heartbreaking memoir. At times distinctly uncomfortable but important to read. I wish these stories women told weren’t true. I wish more of my men friends read these books and understood.

When Breath Becomes Air, by Paul Kalanithi. A talented neurosurgeon who studies language, mortality, and brain science is suddenly diagnosed with lung cancer. This is the book he writes in the final year of his life. I started sobbing at several points in the book—moving.

Poser: My Life in 23 Poses, by Clare Dederer. A memoir inspired by a woman who takes to yoga and documents how her journey into learning more about yoga (fastidiously and then, obsessively) transforms her own life. Now, my one major beef with this book is that it was actually 28 chapters long, not 23, as billed. Because she did Child’s Pose four different times. I suppose… that makes sense.

Hillbilly Elegy, by J.D. Vance. Another brilliant memoir of what it’s like to grow up in the poverty-stricken hills of Appalachia. Reminded me of the plight of so many in America, and how many perspectives there are throughout this country.

Roots: The Saga of An American Family, by Alex Haley. Incredible, long read about the ancestry and history of a family ripped from his homeland and brought into the markets of the new world slavery.

Fiction + Fun Recommendations

The Handmaid’s Tale, by Margaret Atwood. Now turned into a television series inspired by the book, I had to read the book first. A creepy, dystopian novel where birth rates plummet and women are forced out of work, and then into service in a strange, big-brother-is-watching-you world. It left a pit in my stomach, and I’m still thinking about it (as well as Station 11, another fiction book that won’t leave my mind).

Bleaker House, by Nell Stevens. Strangely slow, yet still a page-turner. Debut novel from an MFA graduate who wins a travel fellowship to go anywhere in the world and write. She chooses Bleaker Island, and holes herself away for several weeks to attempt to write her novel on the coldest, darkest, loneliest place on earth. Parts of the writing moved quickly (the “Twosies,” as it were), and the introspective bits were slower and less captivating. Overall, enjoyed the book as a pleasant fiction read.

Why Not Me? by Mindy Kaling. Full disclosure: this book was hilarious, and I devoured it. Mindy’s sense of comedic timing and wit comes through in every page of her writing, and I love her ability to be real while also self-deprecating (in the best way). Fully enjoyed this one. Easy to read.

Are You My Mother? by Alison Bechdel. A graphic novel with twists and turns about dreams, psychoanalysis, therapy, and the relationship we have with our parents.

Connected Community + Living a Great Life Recommendations

The New Better Off, by Courtney Martin. What does it mean to live a good life? And why are we still all blindly chasing after “The American Dream”? In her examination of what really matters to most of us, she uncovers how ritual, community, and meaning can be formed in ways both unexpected and everyday. This book puts words to so much that I too have been thinking about.

Pro: Reclaiming Abortion Rights, by Katha Pollitt. This incredible book is about how the word “abortion” has been used to shame and silence women, and how the right to choose when (and if) to have children is one of the most important choices a woman can make in her decisions about her life. If the word makes you uncomfortable, it might be worth examining why—and where, exactly, that shame has come from. Abortions have been around for as long as 5,000 years, they’ve been legal in many countries for 40+ years, and they only recently have been given a stigma and shame—for what purpose? To what end? Fascinating read.

Playing Big, Leveling Up Recommendations

Playing Big, by Tara Sophia Mohr. This month is all about re-reading a few classics, for me. The books that you buy on kindle and on paperback, and sometimes buy an additional paper copy of because you highlight it and use it so frequently. Every time I level up in my business and my work, and expand into the edges of my comfort zones, I re-read Tara’s notes on the different ways we feel fear, and remind myself that “playing big” comes with it a special, delicious, different kind of fear. The good one.

Body of Work, by Pamela Slim. In a world of work that can feel disjointed and disconnected, how do you find the thread that connects your story together? Pam was one of my first business coaches and taught me to see my multiple threads of employment as “projects” within a larger portfolio of work.

The Big Leap, by Gay Hendricks. If you’ve heard of the idea of “Upper Limit Problems,” or the concept of transcending from working in your Zone of Excellence to your Zone of Genius, this is the book those ideas are from. Reading this again opened my eyes to a lot of ways in which I’m staying stuck in my “good” areas of working and not shifting into the areas where I’m truly phenomenal.

The Subtle Art of Not Giving A Fuck, by Mark Manson. Filled with profanity in a somewhat delightful way, Mark Manson takes some of his best writing and puts it together in a book to talk about deeper philosophical and psychological necessities for building a great life. Ironically, it’s not the aspirations of greatness that make us the most satisfied, but the simpler elements: connecting to each other, showing up for the daily routine, and putting in the work. In a subtle paradox, he shows how letting go actually creates greater freedom and happiness.

Captivate. I found out about the nerd of nerds, Vanessa Van Edwards, by listening to Jenny Blake’s podcast, Pivot, and devoured the entire episode. It’s behavior science meets research meets interpersonal psychology, and I’m loving it.

 

The Coaching Habit, by Michael Bungay Stanier. The book outlines seven key questions we can use to insert coaching strategies into our work as managers and leaders, in less than ten minutes a day. The art of asking great questions is such a critical skill, and I’ve noticed that we don’t seem to take enough time to dive deeply into the asking of questions to find the shape of the puzzle. Often, we leap headfirst into advice mode and leave the listener feeling steamrolled, rather than helped. I’d buy a copy of this book for everyone.

The 20 Mile March

Posted on by Sarah K Peck

What does it take to be great?

In the book Good to Great, Jim Collins and his team of researchers study how some companies rise to greatness and uncover a key strategy: the 20 Mile March. They asked the question, “Why do some companies thrive in uncertainty, even chaos, and others do not?”

They analyzed companies that were 10x better than the competition, and, across all the data, realized that they had something in common.

First, imagine, for a second, that you’ve got two teams walking across America.

The first team takes the strategy of walking 40-50 miles on the good days, and resting in between.

The second team decides to walk 20 miles every day, rain or shine, injuries or no injury.

Which team wins?

Consistent, methodical actions take you further.

The team — and the companies, and the individuals — that set up consistent, methodical, repeated actions go further. They go 10x further, in fact. The “20 Mile March” became a clear differentiator between those teams that flounder or stay where they are, and the ones that rise to greatness.

The person that crosses the finish line on a big goal or dream is the person that takes consistent action, with clear performance markers, on actions that are largely within your control.

In the book, there are seven elements of a good march, and those include:

  • Clear performance markers,
  • Self-imposed constraints,
  • Appropriateness to you (or the company),
  • largely within your control,
  • Proper timeframe,
  • Designed by the individual, and
  • Achieved with high consistency.

In my work with people in my private Mastermind, we do a three-month program where people put together a monthly goal, with self-imposed constraints, over a short enough time horizon to get feedback and learn.

Now is the time to learn.

In your own practice, what is your 20 Mile March?

For me, a weekly writing habit has been the cadre, or structure, or frame that has unlocked so much more. When I show up to write, it’s not a question of when I’ll write, or how much: it’s already pre-determined that I will write.

I’ll write {this much} at {this frequency} on {these specific days}.

What’s your recipe?

The trick to a 20-Mile March is to make it something you can do repeatedly, on a consistent pattern. Often, in my personal life, I’ll try to tackle a 60-mile march and then get frustrated when I’m tired a few weeks later and (sometimes literally) can’t get up out of bed because my muscles are too sore. A 20-Mile March is something you could do every day, easily, for a year.

Some ideas of 20-Mile Marches:

  • Writing a daily, short, free-form blog on Tumblr (here’s mine; I write a log whenever I need space to free-form think out loud)
  • Writing a weekly blog (this blog posts every Monday at 10am)
  • Writing a monthly newsletter on the 1st of every month (if you’re on my list, you’ll get the newsletter).
  • Doing a yoga practice 3 times per week
  • Simplifying to do a 5-minute yoga practice every morning
  • Emailing one new person every day for a year.
  • Weightlifting twice weekly for a year.

A 20-Mile March does not have to be a daily practice. But it does have to be a practice, and one that you dedicate to a specific time, place, and duration. The compound interest of showing up to practice with regularity is the work of mastery, and the work of moving mountains. Inch by inch, with steady practice, we become something new.

So, I’ll ask you all some of the questions I ask my Mastermind folks in our one-on-one session:

  • Are you taking clear and consistent action? Are you learning each month and building upon what you’ve learned?
  • What’s working?
  • What systems do you have in front of you?
  • What still needs to change?
  • How can you change strategies and tactics to keep showing up, piece by piece, to carve away at your dream?

PS: If you’re looking for an amazing seminar on marketing, persuasion, and creating change, I’m currently taking the inaugural session of The Marketing Seminar with Seth Godin. It’s beyond incredible; I’m likely going to take it again. The latest round of the seminar just opened for registration, July 10, 2017. Push the purple button and get a discount on the 30-day summer session.

Book Notes: How to Talk so Little Kids Will Listen

Posted on by Sarah K Peck

I’m adding more book notes to my website, taking the highlights from the books that I read, condensing them down, editing them out, and putting them into a blog post. To see all my book notes and recommendations, check out the books category on this blog.

Last month I read “How to Talk so Little Kids Will Listen: A Survival Guide to Life with Children Ages 2-7,” and it struck me that while this book is ostensibly a parenting book for small children, it could be tweaked to be a great management book, too.

The key? Listen to people’s emotions, and, when replying to them, describe what they’re feeling and why they’re feeling it. It’s the trick to better communication for everyone. Rather than telling someone why they shouldn’t feel the way they feel, or skipping straight to fixing problems, simply telling someone that you see how they’re feeling works wonders.

“The way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice.” —Peggy O’Mara

Here are the greatest quotes and highlights from the book:

“The point is that we can’t behave right when we don’t feel right. And kids can’t behave right when they don’t feel right. If we don’t take care of their feelings first, we have little chance of engaging their cooperation.”

We can’t behave right when we don’t feel right. It’s so hard as an adult, too!

“We don’t want to accept negative feelings because they’re so . . . well . . . negative. We don’t want to give them any power. We want to correct them, diminish them, or preferably make them disappear altogether. Our intuition tells us to push those feelings away as fast and hard as possible. But this is one instance in which our intuition is leading us astray.”

Lean into the negative feeling, and work with it, not against it.

“When their feelings are acknowledged, people feel relieved: She understands me. I feel better. Maybe it’s not so bad. Maybe I can handle it.”

How beautiful is it to be understood? But here’s how to do it in action:

1. Grit your teeth and resist the urge to immediately contradict him!
2. Think about the emotion he is feeling
3. Name the emotion and put it in a sentence.

“You are giving your child a crucial vocabulary of feelings that he can resort to in times of need. When he can wail, “I AM FRUSTRATED!” instead of biting, kicking, and hitting, you will feel the thrill of triumph!”

“Just accept the feeling. Often a simple acknowledgment of the feeling is enough to defuse a potential meltdown.”

So what if you make a mistake? Well, you’re human. Here’s how to do it:

“The good thing about being a parent is that if you blow it the first time, you almost always get another chance.”

“My mother used to gesture wiping a slate clean and say, “Erase and start again!” But that’s old school. She’s from the generation of chalkboards. Have kids even heard of a chalkboard these days? Some parents in my groups have used the word Rewind! as they walk backward out of a room and then reenter with more accepting words. Even that has an old-fashioned sound now that cassette tapes have become a thing of the past. What would be the modern equivalent of asking for a second chance? Perhaps yelling “Control Alt Delete!” or “Reset!” with the motion of a finger pressing an imaginary button?”

“A child’s emotions are just as real and important to him as our grown-up emotions are to us.”

“We do these things automatically—protect against sad emotions, dismiss what we see as trivial emotions, and discourage angry emotions. We don’t want to reinforce negative feelings.”

“Without having their own feelings acknowledged first, children will be deaf to our finest explanations and most passionate entreaties.”

“Children depend on us to name their feelings so that they can find out who they are.”

Our voice gives recognition and awareness and truth to the people around us.

“Children need us to validate their feelings so they can become grown-ups who know who they are and what they feel. We are also laying the groundwork for a person who can respect and not dismiss the needs and feelings of other people.”

“Even gentle questions can feel like an interrogation when a child is in distress. He may not know why he is upset. He may not be able to express it clearly in words.”

“The gift we can give them is to not get in the way of their process by jumping in with our reactions: advice, questions, corrections. The important thing is to give them our full attention and trust them to work it out.”

“So our kids get told what to do. All day long. That’s the reality of being a kid. And they should listen, because we’re in charge and we’re just trying to do what’s best for them, and keep them from killing themselves, or at least protect them from stinkiness, rotted teeth, malnutrition, and exhaustion.”

Sometimes we just need someone to listen and nod, not boss us around, or tell us what we’re feeling isn’t the right thing to be feeling.

“The problem is, nobody likes to be ordered around. A parent in one of my groups put it succinctly: “Even if I want to do something, as soon as somebody tells me to do it, I don’t want to do it anymore.”
Kids often respond well when we give them the words they can use to get what they want. The younger the child is, the more explicit you can be about giving him the language you prefer to hear.”

“Study after study has found that young children who are not constantly ordered around are much more likely to cooperate with simple requests from a parent—for example, cleaning up toys when asked—than children who are micromanaged and controlled much of the time.”

I found this next part about punishments and consequences fascinating. They advocate problem-solving over any form of punishment—at all. My little one is too small to know whether or not this works, yet, but I’m really curious to learn more about it.

“As for logical consequences, the “logic” is highly debatable. If you continually arrive late for my workshop, despite my warning that lateness is unacceptable, I may find it “logical” to lock you out of my classroom. Or perhaps it would be more “logical” to keep you locked in after class for the same number of minutes you were late. Or maybe my “logic” demands that you miss out on the snacks. As you may be starting to suspect, these are not true exercises in logic. They’re really more of a free association, where we try to think of a way to make the wrongdoer suffer. We hope that the suffering will motivate the offender to do better in the future.”

“It is kind of stunning how much our kids really do want to emulate us. And how much they focus on our overall strategy. It’s a tired old phrase but true: children will do as you do, not as you say.”

“The best way to inspire a child to do better in the future is to give him an opportunity to do better in the present.”

“Taking action to protect yourself and those around you is an essential life skill for adults and a powerful way to model for our children how to deal with conflict.”

“One of the keys to successful problem solving is to wait for a time when the mood is right. It can’t be done in the midst of frustration and anger. After the storm has passed, invite your child to sit down with you.”

“Chances are that if your child participated in coming up with solutions, he’ll be eager to try them out. You’ll find yourself at the park, feeling good, with a cooperative child who is getting valuable practice in solving the thorny problems of life. You skipped the whole punishment phase of the parenting journey and went directly to solving the problem.”

“Instead of thinking, “How can I control this child?” we can think of our child as being on the same team and invite his help and participation.”

Punishments and rewards don’t always work as well as we think.

“One study found that when people are offered large monetary rewards to complete a challenge, their creativity and engagement in the task plummets. Rewards helped people perform well on some very simple mechanical tasks, but as soon as they needed cognitive skills, rewards interfered with their ability to function.”

“Creating a family atmosphere of seeking solutions rather than inventing punishments will still stand you in good stead in the long run.”

“The most powerful tool you can wield is their sense of connection to you. The fact that you are willing to consider their feelings and solicit their opinions will keep their hearts and minds open to your feelings and opinions.”

“But when we use words that evaluate, we often achieve the opposite effect. As you probably noticed when reading the scenarios above, praise that judges or evaluates can create problems.”

“The first rule of praise is that it’s not always appropriate to praise.”

“All kids want to connect, all kids want to be understood, all kids want a say in what they do and how they do it.”

“When we demonstrate generosity of spirit by accepting feelings, we help our children become more resilient”

“We need to meet basic needs before any communication tools will work for us.”

“One of these is the biological need for recovery time. When we get angry, our bodies are flooded with hormones.”

“The need not to be overwhelmed.”

“Kids can’t act right when they don’t feel right.”

Amen. True for adults, too.

2017 Book List

Posted on by Sarah K Peck

To get my twice monthly book recommendations by email, sign up for my newsletter.

In 2017, one of my goals is to read more books by women and by people of color. As part of my year of devotion and paying more attention to where I spend my mental energy, I’m keeping track of all of the books I read.

To do this, I’ve made this page an ongoing book recommendation page on my website where I’ll keep track of the books each month, and I’ll also share each month’s book recommendations as part of my newsletter. You’ll find my book references tapping into a broader range of voices.

2017 Accountability:

  • Total number of authors: 25
  • Total number of books: 22
  • Women authors: 14 (56%)
  • POC authors: 3 (12%)

Got a great book you love? Send me a note and let me know what I should read next. hello (at) sarahkpeck (dot) com.

Here are the book recommendations so far:

2017 v9 — July 31st:

This month was a social media sabbatical experiment, so I found myself diving into a ton of books (with less time to spend on social media, I was surprised how much more time I had to read).

2017 v8 — June 30th

The Subtle Art of Not Giving A Fuck, by Mark Manson. Filled with profanity in a somewhat delightful way, Mark Manson takes some of his best writing and puts it together in a book to talk about deeper philosophical and psychological necessities for building a great life. Ironically, it’s not the aspirations of greatness that make us the most satisfied, but the simpler elements: connecting to each other, showing up for the daily routine, and putting in the work. In a subtle paradox, he shows how letting go actually creates greater freedom and happiness.

I loved the chapter on disentangling fault from responsibility—it may not be your fault that something happened to you, but it is your responsibility to decide how to react and where you’re going to go from here. The book is ultimately a battle cry for men (and women) to get in touch with their emotions, and he shares his own history of doing the opposite as a way to show why it’s so important in the first place. Well-written, and likely a good match for an audience that wouldn’t even glance at a book like White Hot Truth in the bookstore because the latter has, well, gold glitter and embossing on it. This one has the word “Fuck” on it, and therefore can disguise itself before it reveals that it, too, is a book about values, character, and philosophy.

The Upstarts, by Brad Stone. This book chronicles two skyrocketing startup successes from the 2010’s, AirBNB and Uber. I’m not sure there were more than two pages and a handful of sentences devoted to any of the women in this story, other than Austin, a female manager at Uber, and Arianna Huffington, mentioned occasionally as Uber’s winding entanglement in CEO struggles came to light. The book chronicles the men who started two companies and the myriad companies building similar products, and how they succeeded in creating huge, industry-wide disruption on a scale not often seen before. Because these are case studies, it makes (some) sense that the books are dominated by one gender (there weren’t a tremendous number of people featured in the book overall). Yet I was surprised by how jarring it was to switch from a year of reading mostly books by female authors and switch back into the dominant male voice of startups, and, perhaps, the still-dominant voice of our generation.

The Coaching Habit, by Michael Bungay Stanier. I was alerted to this book because of the incredibly in-depth post the author writes about how he sold 180,000 copies of his book the first year and each of the strategies he used to sell the book. I’ll confess I also felt some empathy with his book-writing process and the years it took, since my book is on a seemingly similar pace. The book outlines seven key questions we can use to insert coaching strategies into our work as managers and leaders, in less than ten minutes a day. The art of asking great questions is such a critical skill, and I’ve noticed that we don’t seem to take enough time to dive deeply into the asking of questions to find the shape of the puzzle. Often, we leap headfirst into advice mode and leave the listener feeling steamrolled, rather than helped. I’d buy a copy of this book for everyone.

2017 v7 — May 29th

Bleaker House, by Nell Stevens. Strangely slow, yet still a page-turner. Debut novel from an MFA graduate who wins a travel fellowship to go anywhere in the world and write. She chooses Bleaker Island, and holes herself away for several weeks to attempt to write her novel on the coldest, darkest, loneliest place on earth. Parts of the writing moved quickly (the “Twosies,” as it were), and the introspective bits were slower and less captivating. Overall, enjoyed the book as a pleasant fiction read.

Captivate. I found out about the nerd of nerds, Vanessa Van Edwards, by listening to Jenny Blake’s podcast, Pivot, and devoured the entire episode. It’s behavior science meets research meets interpersonal psychology, and I’m loving it.

2017 v6 — May 15th

The Handmaid’s Tale, by Margaret Atwood. Now turned into a television series inspired by the book, I had to read the book first. A creepy, dystopian novel where birth rates plummet and women are forced out of work, and then into service in a strange, big-brother-is-watching-you world. It left a pit in my stomach, and I’m still thinking about it (as well as Station 11, another fiction book that won’t leave my mind).

Poser: My Life in 23 Poses, by Clare Dederer. A memoir inspired by a woman who takes to yoga and documents how her journey into learning more about yoga (fastidiously and then, obsessively) transforms her own life. Now, my one major beef with this book is that it was actually 28 chapters long, not 23, as billed. Because she did Child’s Pose four different times. I suppose… that makes sense.

The Year of Living Danishly, by Helen Russell. An easy, novel-like read of what one young couple learned by moving to Denmark and having their first kid. I loved being a fly on the window and learning about different work schedules (stop by 4pm! go home!), taking a long winter time to focus on “hygge” (cozy time), and how well their health care and social systems set people up for success.

How to Talk So Little Kids Will Listen, by Joanna Faber and Julie King. This book is ostensibly for small children, but could be tweaked to be a great management book, too. The key? Listen to people’s emotions, and, when replying to them, describe what they’re feeling and why they’re feeling it. It’s the trick to better communication for everyone. Rather than telling someone why they shouldn’t feel the way they feel, or skipping straight to fixing problems, simply telling someone that you see how they’re feeling works wonders.

2017 v5 — March 28th

Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life, by Anne Lamott. This book, by one of my favorite authors of all time, takes us through the writing practice and the craft of being a writer, from those shitty first drafts to the weird ways we obsess over our work. She makes me feel normal, sane, and inspired to continue to write.

The Artist’s Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity, by Julia Cameron. This is considered one of the seminal books on creativity and creative practice, and, as a writer, I’ve gone through the book time and time again to continue to dig deeper. The 12-week program gets you inside of a life with a creative practice. She’s who I learned Morning Pages from, and I recommend going through this book several times in order to expand your own creative journey.

The Elements of Style, by Strunk & White. This classic little book helps me every time I have a question about English. It’s filled with little delights and helpful hints, and is not a huge book.

2017 v.4 —March 10th

The Big Leap, by Gay Hendricks. If you’ve heard of the idea of “Upper Limit Problems,” or the concept of transcending from working in your Zone of Excellence to your Zone of Genius, this is the book those ideas are from. Reading this again opened my eyes to a lot of ways in which I’m staying stuck in my “good” areas of working and not shifting into the areas where I’m truly phenomenal.

Nurture Shock: New Thinking About Children, by Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman. This book filled me with new ways of thinking about my new son, as well as what it means to be a child, a teenager, and an adult. Called “one of the most influential books about children ever published,” it definitely opened my eyes, but also made me feel a bit neurotic about parenting for a few weeks afterwards. I wrote an extended review with chapter summaries about the book.

2017 v.3 —February 20th

Playing Big, by Tara Sophia Mohr. This month is all about re-reading a few classics, for me. The books that you buy on kindle and on paperback, and sometimes buy an additional paper copy of because you highlight it and use it so frequently. Every time I level up in my business and my work, and expand into the edges of my comfort zones, I re-read Tara’s notes on the different ways we feel fear, and remind myself that “playing big” comes with it a special, delicious, different kind of fear. The good one.

(I’m re-launching the Mastermind this month and it comes with all sorts of ways to expand as well as ways to doubt myself. It’s part of the process and it means that I’m working on something worth building.)

Body of Work, by Pamela Slim. In a world of work that can feel disjointed and disconnected, how do you find the thread that connects your story together? Pam was one of my first business coaches and taught me to see my multiple threads of employment as “projects” within a larger portfolio of work.

2017 v.2 — January 31st

Roots: The Saga of An American Family, by Alex Haley. Incredible, long read about the ancestry and history of a family ripped from his homeland and brought into the markets of the new world slavery.

When Breath Becomes Air, by Paul Kalanithi. A talented neurosurgeon who studies language, mortality, and brain science is suddenly diagnosed with lung cancer. This is the book he writes in the final year of his life. I started sobbing at several points in the book—moving.

The New Better Off, by Courtney Martin. What does it mean to live a good life? And why are we still all blindly chasing after “The American Dream”? In her examination of what really matters to most of us, she uncovers how ritual, community, and meaning can be formed in ways both unexpected and everyday. This book puts words to so much that I too have been thinking about.

2017 v.1 — January 17th

Sex Object, by Jessica Valenti. Heartbreaking memoir. At times distinctly uncomfortable but important to read. I wish these stories women told weren’t true. I wish more of my men friends read these books and understood.

Between The World And Me, by Ta-Nehisi Coates. A series of letters from a father to his young son. Simply outstanding.

Hillbilly Elegy, by J.D. Vance. Another brilliant memoir of what it’s like to grow up in the poverty-stricken hills of Appalachia. Reminded me of the plight of so many in America, and how many perspectives there are throughout this country.

Summertime Fiction Reading Recommendations

Posted on by Sarah K Peck

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In my last post on great book reads, I asked you all for your fiction recommendations and I got a ton of great ideas I thought I’d compile and share here.

As it gets hot outside (at least for those of us in the Western Hemisphere), and especially for those of us (ahem, me), who are nursing and bringing a tiny infant to life, reading becomes far easier than typing when you only ever have one hand free.

(Sometimes I run around the house yelling “Two hands! Two hands! I have two hands!” whenever the baby is sleeping and I can finally do something with more than one hand. Like write! And type! And shower!)

I find that while I’m nursing it’s a nice time to read a few books and dig into the lightness of summertime fiction. Whatever your station in life right now, may you enjoy a great book, preferably on a cool porch in the shady breeze, perhaps with a pint of delicious cold lager, as well.

Also — if you’re on Goodreads and want to share books, add or follow me on Goodreads so we can share book recommendations, ratings, and reviews.

** Summertime 2016 Fiction Recommendations**

I’ve read about half of these books and the rest come from all of your recommendations! If you’ve read one and loved it, send me a note and let me know.

Fiction I’ve recently read:

Your recommendations:

I haven’t read the books below yet, but I am looking forward to it. Thank you to Kathy M, Wendy R, Lauren H, Lauren F, Humaira H, Kelli K & everyone for your recommendations.

Author recommendations:

  • Anything by Jhumpa Lahiri
  • Earlier fiction by Diana Abu-Jaber
  • Lauren Groff
  • Anne Enright
  • Anne Lamott

Enjoy! It’s time to build that summer reading list.

Spring 2016 Reading List: Fiction, Feminism, and Rethinking Business

Posted on by Sarah K Peck

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This Spring Reading List is brought to you by: excellent fiction, the powers of feminism, rethinking business priorities (can we say sleep, anyone?), and a biting look at what happens when a 50-something Newsweek editor takes on a new job at a 20-something startup.

** Some favorites in narrative and fiction**

The Girl on the Train — by Paula Hawkins.

Creepy, wonderful, entertaining. Nearly kept me up all night to finish the book. A psychological thriller that starts slowly and builds to a delicious entanglement of overlapping characters.

Disrupted: My Misadventures in the Startup Bubble — by Dan Lyons.

What happens when the former technology editor of Newsweek takes a marketing job at the 20-something startup scene that is Hubspot? In a hilarious, serious, and honest look at what technology companies and startups are building today, Dan Lyons offers a smack-down on the way that we’re designing businesses, and directly addresses the problems of ageism and lack of diversity in tech. Is all of content marketing just a race towards adding more crap to the pile of noise on the internet? Perhaps. Afterwards, he did go on to write for the show Silicon Valley.

**What should be required reading for all humans (men, women, and beyond)** 

Men Explain Things To Me — by Rebecca Solnit.

If nothing else, read Chapter 2 for a sobering look at the statistics regarding women, rape, and violence in our country. We continue to treat violence against women as one-off, isolated events. Did you know that more women are killed (by men) every three years than the number of people that died in the 9/11 terror attacks? Obviously this doesn’t mean that men are evil; far from it. It does say, however, that there’s a big problem in our country, and I haven’t seen it articulated this clearly and succinctly many other places. Please, please read this.

Girls and Sex — by Peggy Orenstein.

The way that girls understand, engage in, and feel about sex has changed in many ways over the past thirty years (who knew that giving a blow job was the new “second base”?), and yet the same story lines around power, control, pleasure, and satisfaction are being played out across the sexual landscape of teenagers, college students, and young adults. What does it mean to be a girl and to understand sex? This powerful book interviews 70 young females and tells the stories in nuanced, thoughtful ways. If you’re a “slut” for having sex and a “prude” if you’re a virgin, is it always a losing game if you’re a female? Why does the metaphor of “baseball” imply that there has to be a winning team and a losing team? And when, if you’re a girl, does your own pleasure come into play — or is it all about perceptions, performance, and pleasing others?

Above all, perhaps the most powerful insight I was left with: it’s not about sex at all. It’s about understanding your feelings, knowing how to communicate, and learning how to make decisions. If teenagers can use learning about sex as a way to explore their own feelings, become great at communication, and become effective decision-makers, then we’re doing our young adults a wonderful, wonderful service.

** If you’re exhausted at work and you don’t know why**

Thrive — by Ariana Huffington.

I’m diving into both of Ariana Huffington’s books right now (this and The Sleep Revolution), and while the insights do not feel mind-bogglingly new, they are very, very important. It’s like the thing you keep putting down on your to-do list but never managing to do. How can we begin to rethink our lives so that wonder is an essential component? When will we wake up from the slog and realize that thriving as humans is as essential, if not more, than everything else we’re doing?

The More of Less — by Joshua Becker.

Just out this week, and I’m excited to say that a story of mine is in his book. The beloved author of Becoming Minimalist (blog/website) and books like Clutter Free With Kids, Joshua writes about how having less is ultimately about having a lot more. What we buy and what we own can weigh us down, be it financially, physically, or mentally.

**And of course, I’m plowing through Pregnancy & Parenting books as well, too**

Some of the ever-growing pile of books on my shelf include: Childbirth Without Fear, Pro, Simplicity Parenting, Expecting Better, Work/Pump/Repeat, The Mommy Plan, After Birth, and Here’s The Plan.

Yup, gobbling up books. :)

Would love more fiction recommendations. If you have any fiction books you’ve loved lately, send them my way.

Record It While It’s Happening: Rachel Cusk on Emotions, Mamahood, and Becoming a Parent

Posted on by Sarah K Peck

Even though dragging myself out of bed and dealing with morning sickness does not make it fun to keep up with my writing habit, I also know that these feelings are fleeting. They won’t last forever, and I want to capture them while they’re here, so I can remember what it’s like.

I have no idea how many kids we’ll end up having. Alex and I have ideas for what we think we want, but then there’s what happens in reality. Knowing that the future is always uncertain makes me recognize that despite our best plans — there’s a possibility this may be the only time I’m ever pregnant. For whatever reason, I may only have this one time. I use this realization to remember to cherish right now, however many extra hormones it includes.

It seems like time is moving so slowly, like I’m muddling through a vague fog of fatigue and barfing, and yet everything is moving so quickly. I’ll be a hormonal messy pregnant mama-to-be for about four more months, and then… I’ll be a mama. And I will have crossed the threshold from independent lady to parent and the rest of my life will be different. Time moves forward.

As Rachel Cusk writes in A Life’s Work, a documentation of the gravity of pregnancy and becoming a mother, these thoughts and feelings around pregnancy only last for a brief moment, and then they disappear.

“My desire to express myself on the subject of motherhood was from the beginning strong, [but]… a few months after the birth of my daughter Albertine, it vanished entirely,” she explained, and while she had the urge to write this book, she lost it after she gave birth for the first time. And so, “I wrote this book during the pregnancy and early months of my second daughter, Jessye, before it could get away again.”

She writes in a manner I find refreshing and real. I tend to prefer books that are honest about depression, loneliness, philosophy, and struggle — a book that says pregnancy and motherhood are miracles and the best thing on the planet would be chucked out the window as fast as I could waddle over to the window to throw it.

In her cataloging of the process, she talks about the dark side of pregnancy and how having children affects your identity, your ability to work, and your relationships with people around you. As a novelist, she confesses that this type of open disclosure is often too much for her: “I have merely written down what I thought of the experience of having a child in a way that I hope other people can identify with. As a novelist, I admit that I find this candid type of writing slightly alarming.”

The book is not a tribute to the glory days of motherhood, but a frank assessment of what might be to come.

“I am certain my own reaction, three years ago, to the book I have now written would have been to wonder why the author had bothered to have children in the first place if she thought it was so awful,” she confides, and I find myself feeling a wash of relief to hear that someone else has catalogued and documented the array of complexity around how it feels to enter into parenthood.

For parenting and motherhood is not always easy. And the burden is largely on women, despite how much our society is changing, we will still hold the biological accountability for bearing and bringing to life new human beings.

“Women must and do live with the prospect of childbirth: some dread it, some long for it, and some manage it so successfully as to give other people the impression that they never even think about it. My own strategy was to deny it, and so I arrived at the fact of motherhood shocked and unprepared, ignorant of what the consequences of this arrival would be, and with the unfounded but distinct impression that my journey there had been at once so random and so determined by forces greater than myself that I could hardly be said to have had any choice in the matter at all.”

Across the experience, as my life shifts, I am reminded from Cusk to write, write, write.

Don’t stop writing. Document what I’m feeling and thinking, and explore inside of the feelings that shift and grow across my time becoming a parent. Watch as this landscape of emotions shifts and moves month over month, minute over minute. Capture the range of expressions and they come and go. Explore what it means to be this person, in this moment, right now.

To write about what is happening is to validate your own thoughts and emotions. I attempt not to layer judgment on top of it all, but rather, to examine what arises. What fears do I have about what’s to come? What societal rules and norms do I feel guilty about breaking? What decisions am I making and how are we embracing (and deciding) who we want to become next? What is it like to be this person, in this time, in this body, right now?

Why We’re Lonelier Than Ever (and Why Marriage is Falling Apart), According to Kurt Vonnegut

Posted on by Sarah K Peck
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How many people do you interact with on a daily basis? Not online, or in your email inbox, but in real life?

What about during the week? I had to do a quick tally — (ten coworkers, my husband, a few close friends I see regularly, an occasional dinner or evening out), — maybe twenty to thirty people?

We live in extended networks of people, from families to churches to schools to organizations that we belong to. But how many of them do we actually SEE and interact with face to face in a given week

Kurt Vonnegut, an American writer and humorist, and author of 14 books, published a collection of graduation speeches he’s given in the book, “If This Isn’t Nice, What Is?”. In it, he covers in hilarious detail the simplicity of being human, the conundrum of being nice (“be more like Jesus,” he says, regardless of whether or not you think he’s God), and why we’re all suffering from loneliness.

It was so simple, yet so profound:

“Only two major subjects remain to be covered: loneliness and boredom. No matter what age any of us is now, we are going to be bored and lonely during what remains of our lives. We are so lonely because we don’t have enough friends and relatives. Human beings are supposed to live in stable, like-minded, extended families of fifty people or more.”

Do you have fifty people?

He goes on to talk about marriage, and why marriage isn’t falling apart because marriage is wrong, but because our families are too small.

“Marriage is collapsing because our families are too small. A man cannot be a whole society to a woman, and a woman cannot be a whole society to a man. We try, but it is scarcely surprising that so many of us go to pieces.”

So, he recommends, “everybody here [should] join all sorts of organizations, no matter how ridiculous, simply to get more people in his or her life. If does not matter much if all the other members are morons. Quantities of relatives of any sort are what we need.”

In a second speech, he goes on to elaborate on knowing the secrets to what women and men want. It’s remarkably similar to his story above:

“I know what women want. Women want a whole lot of people to talk to. And what do they want to talk about? They want to talk about everything.”

And men?

“Men want a lot of pals.”

I don’t fully agree with the simplicity of men and women being entirely different (nor do I believe that marriage is just about a man and a woman) — but the underlying point rings true: men and women want people to hang out with and talk to.

And the cause of fights in marriage? It turns out “what they’re really yelling at each other about is loneliness.”

“What they’re really saying is, ‘You’re not enough people.’”

We are born into our immediate families. It’s up to us to reach out, meet as many people as possible, and build our extended families.

Do you have fifty people?

What Are The Best Books On Life And Meaning You Should Have A Copy Of?

Posted on by Sarah K Peck

On my desk, there are a few stacks of books that surpass the kindle test. While I am a huge believer in the beauty of physical books, I also put an equal amount on my tablet. But beyond the bookshelves and the kindle — among the thousands of books my husband and I read — there are a few books that creep past the stacks and find a special space on my desk.

What does it take to pass this test, and become a beloved book, a treasure?

And what books do I recommend more than any other?

There are a couple stacks of books, depending on the nature of the topic, that I think are relevant for people to read. They speak to the human condition, to what it means to have a mind and live a life, and they aren’t how-to books.

Business books only take you so far. What then? What do you make of life?

For me, it’s less about knowing the right answer at the right time (as most business advice books are apt to do), but rather, finding solace and finding my own way when I feel lost. Below are the books I have on my desk as my personal bible — there to open and reference, time and time again, to reassure me, to remind me of the bigger picture.

These are books that talk about the human condition, the bigger picture to which we’re all a part, the ideas of finding meaning, purpose, identity, and dealing with ourselves — as we are, right here and right now. I read them, highlight them, dog-ear them, note in them, and then pass them along. These books are treasured as physical beings, markers for my life, wayfinders for my journey into my own mind. I’ve included a few quotes from each that carry weight for me:

1. When Things Fall Apart, by Pema Chödrön

“The most fundamental aggression to ourselves, the most fundamental harm we can do to ourselves, is to remain ignorant by not having the courage and the respect to look at ourselves honestly and gently.”

“Most of us do not take these situations as teachings. We automatically hate them. We run like crazy. We use all kinds of ways to escape — all addictions stem from this moment when we meet our edge and we just can’t stand it. We feel we have to soften it, pad it with something, and we become addicted to whatever it is that seems to ease the pain.”

2. Man’s Search For Meaning, by Viktor Frankl

“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms — to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”

“Don’t aim at success. The more you aim at it and make it a target, the more you are going to miss it. For success, like happiness, cannot be pursued; it must ensue, and it only does so as the unintended side effect of one’s personal dedication to a cause greater than oneself or as the by-product of one’s surrender to a person other than oneself. Happiness must happen, and the same holds for success: you have to let it happen by not caring about it.”

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”

3. Meditations, by Marcus Aurelius

“Dwell on the beauty of life. Watch the stars, and see yourself running with them.”

“You have power over your mind — not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.”

“The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts.”

4. Wherever You Go, There You Are, by Jon Kabat-Zinn

“You can’t stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.”

“The little things? The little moments? They aren’t little.”

“Perhaps the most “spiritual” thing any of us can do is simply to look through our own eyes, see with eyes of wholeness, and act with integrity and kindness.”

“Life on earth is a whole, yet it expresses itself in unique time-bound bodies, microscopic or visible, plant or animal, extinct or living. So there can be no one place to be. There can be no one way to be, no one way to practice, no one way to learn, no one way to love, no one way to grow or to heal, no one way to live, no one way to feel, no one thing to know or be known. The particulars count.”

5. What I Talk About When I Talk About Running, by Haruki Murakami

“Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.”

“The most important thing we learn at school is the fact that the most important things can’t be learned at school.”

“So the fact that I’m me and no one else is one of my greatest assets. Emotional hurt is the price a person has to pay in order to be independent.”

6. The Untethered Soul, by Michael Singer

“When a problem is disturbing you, don’t ask, “What should I do about it?” Ask, “What part of me is being disturbed by this?”

“There is nothing more important to true growth than realizing that you are not the voice of the mind — you are the one who hears it.”

“Only you can take inner freedom away from yourself, or give it to yourself. Nobody else can.”

“We are constantly trying to hold it all together. If you really want to see why you do things, then don’t do them and see what happens.”

7. The Bible —

While there are a lot of lines (or chapters) you may or may not agree with, and you might not be involved in the religion associated with the Bible, there’s something humbling about reading poetry and Psalms from thousands of years ago, and hearing the echo of humanity beat again in today’s world.

We are here.

8. A Return To Love, by Marianne Williamson

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

What would you add to this list? What books have changed your life, your mind, or your perspective?