Category: Motivation

Definition: Shrewd or spirited initiative and resourcefulness.

The most ‘successful’ and talented people around me are not born talented. They aren’t born with a success gene that other people don’t have.

They take initiative.
They try things.
They iterate.
They fail beautifully.

They have GUMPTION.

Gumption to try things when other people won’t. Courage to stand up and proclaim their ideas, even when confronted with naysayers. Bravery to put their ideas into actions. Determination to see their ideas to the end. A work ethic to keep them going. A consistency and relentless tenacity even in the face of adversity.

Do you have gumption?

 

Arbitrary Barriers.

Do you know what these are?

Arbitrary barriers are traps we set up – for ourselves, by ourselves – that preclude us from doing great work.

The dialogue is pretty simple. It’s usually an “if-then” statement, a wish to be fulfilled that can only happen after you do something else. This is what it looks like:

Continue reading “Why You’re Not Getting There. (Clue: It’s You, Not Them)”

Yup, that’s right. You heard me.

It’s time to work harder. Not just harder, better.

We live in a world where people try to make us feel good about ourselves and our goals. We talk about our accomplishments and offer consolations to people who don’t make it to glory (“oh, it’s okay, at least you tried!”).  I’m usually adamant for positive encouragement, trying things, and getting better.

But not at the expense of getting soft.
Because there comes a point when good enough just isn’t enough.
What makes you feel good at night isn’t just that you tried.

What really matters is that you tried, you failed, you tried, you tried AGAIN, you worked your crazy butt off and then YOU DID IT.

You did what you set out to do.
What feels good is when you actually, against all odds, found a way to make it happen.
Unfortunately, sometimes people stop at “just trying.”

Just trying can make you feel pretty good.

But at the end of the day, just trying isn’t good enough. Most people don’t care that you tried. In fact, you might not even care that you tried.

Actually doing what you set out to do is what makes you a ROCKSTAR.

I’m talking about that feeling of HELL YES, I DID IT. The feeling of utter and complete exhaustion knowing that you really DID do everything to make it happen. The feeling that when you get home, you can’t finish your beer because you’re so-damn-tired but you are grinning from ear to ear because hell-yes-you-made-it-happen.  When you do it, you know.

Not: Oh – well I tried.
Not a shrug, and Okay, well, I guess I’ll watch TV for a minute because it’s too hard. I don’t have time to finish it right now, but at least I tried.
Sometimes “just trying” is bullshit.

You know you want to make it happen.

If “it” hasn’t happened yet for you – whether it’s your dream of writing a book, running a marathon, getting a new job, or starting a business – then frankly, you need to keep working.

It’s probably not that fun right now. That’s okay.
It can be pretty rough in the beginning.
Sometimes that’s the way it’s supposed to be.
Get over it.

Don’t stop now.  Be inspired by the people who are so dedicated to their dreams that they worked for 5, 10, 15, years to make it happen.

Success doesn’t happen overnight.  Success happens by consistent, long-term, dedicated, disciplined determination and hard work.

Most of my readers are outgoing, go-get-’em, talented, driven people. (I know, because so many of you have emailed me, shared with me, chatted with me over lunch or met up virtually via twitter- believe me, I think you’re amazing). You are amazing. And I am here, 100% behind you, believing in you.

But today, right now, let’s face it: believing isn’t enough. Believing doesn’t get your book written. Thinking positively doesn’t get you off the couch to go running. Reading someone else’s work doesn’t move your ass to where it needs to be. Sometimes, we have to let failure sink in and think things through. Maybe you’re not there yet, and that’s okay. I will encourage you and support you.

I will also tell you to work harder.  And better.  Find a way to make it happen. Find a way to get it done. I don’t care what you have to do. Today, I don’t care that you’re tired or scared or stressed out. I’m calling bull sh*t on you. Do it anyways.

You have to do the work.

I’m here, at a computer, working. I’m there, late at night, in an office, working. There are lots of nights of endless work and very un-sexy days of hours of figuring things out. I pin stuff up on walls, tear it down, write it again, rework my ideas, agonize, and meet with people to figure things out. I share my ideas and they get ripped off the walls. I start over again. Weeks go by in immense frustration. You wouldn’t know the half of it, except, well, I share a lot of things on this blog so you DO know the half of it. Then I’m here, writing about it, telling you about when I make it happen, when I fail, and what I’ve learned.

What are you doing, right now, to make things happen?

In an article on the difference between Asian parenting styles and Western parenting styles, Amy Chua of the Wall Street Journal talks about raising talented children, and the high expectations she has for her children. In an evocative essay on the differences in parenting and expectation, she makes several points that are worth repeating:

“We must work harder and longer and struggle to learn new things, to the point of mastery, even when it’s not fun in the beginning.”

Why? Because (as she says), we know that ‘nothing is fun until you’re good at it. To get good at anything you have to work, and children on their own never want to work, which is why it is crucial to override their preferences.’ “

While I may or may not agree with all of her points on parenting styles, this point is so true it’s worth repeating:

It’s not going to be fun yet until you get THERE.

And most people won’t get there because they give up too quickly and too soon. Yeah, it’s hard. Yeah, it’s gonna take a lot of work. Why are you here, anyways? You’re here because you like reading my stories and occasional ramblings. You’re also here because you like being inspired, or hearing about how things happen.

Things happen because you make them happen. Read that again.

Things happen because YOU make them happen.

Because you work your ass off getting it done.
Because you put in long hours when it needs it.
Because you’re willing to say no to the things that don’t match your vision.
Because you want to make things happen.

So. Get working. I’m done talking to you. Consider this your swift kick in the ass for the week. (You deserve it).

*** *** ***

The most important type of change in your life is incremental change.

Sometimes life requires big leaps.

Other times, it requires lots of small steps.

Wake up in a flurry, have a dream, want something. Expend all your energy that day, that week, in starting your new goal. (Say your goal is running, so you run 4 times that week). Your energy fades, your enthusiasm peters out, and the next week you’re back in the same place, same habits. Not running.

Worse yet, dream the dream – and do nothing. Decide preemptively that the dream is too difficult and therefore must never be attempted.

You’re still in the same place, where you are now.

Unfortunately, our dreams are often heavily focused on the final outcome.

Crossing the finish line at the marathon race, being a best-selling author, being a director at a major company, mastering a language, being fluent in a skill – these are all final outcomes.

We have a vivid picture of what the product or outcome looks like, but not the process.

But what’s much, much more important than the final outcome is the process of getting there. Not the outcome. The outcome is one small measure that showcases the process you went through to get there.

To get there, you have to want the process. You have to be okay with The Middle. With the dip, the part where you stick to it or you give up. The early mornings or the late nights. The hum-drums of the routine that isn’t so exciting, because it’s about the process. It’s about dedication.

To learn how to hold a side-arm crow pose in yoga, you can’t force it to happen in one day (I can’t, at least). I get up almost every day and practice in the living room. The practice and exploration mean more to me than the day I “finish” the pose.

Can you even finish a yoga pose? There’s no such thing.

Because the next day, I’ll be doing it again. And again. And exploring, slowly, my body as it reaches, bends and unfolds in front of me.

To write a book, what does that look like? What is the process? Where will you write? How often will you write? What will it take to get it done?

For each of your dreams, what does the finish line look like?

More importantly, what does the process look like? Learn what the process will be.

Is that what you want?

Question: What holds people back from accomplishing their dreams? From fulfilling their potential?

A guest post of mine was featured on Ongoing Conversation recently. OngoingConvo, created and curated by David Damron, features a new question every week and 2-4 writers reacting to the question and generating discussion via the comments.  To see the entire conversation, I encourage you to hop over to the site and read everyone’s responses.

What holds you back? | By Sarah

Here’s the thing: we all do it. We blame obstacles, time, friends, work, … anything but ourselves. There Wasn’t Enough Time, we say, and shrug.  Oh Well, There’s Always Tomorrow – another great excuse.

You Know, I Had An Idea … But …  *SHRUG*.

We’re all talk. 99% of people will talk about what they want to do and never do anything. 1%  people actually get outside and do something, rather than talk about it.

What are these obstacles? Where do they come from? Why don’t people do what they say they want to do?

Doing things, simply doing things, is the point of your life. Be something. Do something. Say Something. Try something.  I am often reminded of those old 50’s and 60’s songs my dad used to play on his record player: “dooo bee doo bee doo”

In some ways, that’s the way that your life should read:

DO | BE | DO | BE

What are you doing? Who are you being? Right now, you’re reading. And then what? Another tab on the browser? More procrastinating via twitter and facebook?  Filling up your time with things that don’t matter, and then making excuses at the end of the day?

The thing is, you are what you do. What you are doing, RIGHT NOW. The best indicator of future action is past action. What have you done over the last week? The last year? If you’re here because you’re afraid to dream or create, I have failed as a writer. If nothing else, please ignore this post and go do something. Go be something.

There are two things that significantly hinder your ability to achieve your dreams:

First, not knowing what you want (too little knowledge).

And Second, being afraid of the outcome (too much fear) .

*** *** ***

Let’s start with not knowing what you want.

Do you know what your goals are? Sure, you might say. But I’m really asking. Today. Right now. What are your goals, your wishes and your dreams? What do YOU really want?

It’s okay at first, if you don’t know exactly what you want.  But at some point, you’re going to want to figure it out.

Not knowing what you want makes it really hard to get there, because you don’t know what “there” is. Sometimes, we don’t think too carefully about what we want – and so we don’t have a way to accomplish our goals or our dreams because we haven’t spent enough time thinking them through.

Say it out loud. Say what you want.  This year, I want to run a marathon. I also want to do my first long-distance solo swim.  But that might not be what you want. That’s okay.

Take 20 seconds and write down 20 things that you want. What are they? No judgment. They are YOURS. They are what YOU want.  Some examples? Taking professional photographs – or redesigning a website.  Starting a new book. Learning a new language. Getting a raise at work. Changing your job. Packing your lunch for work every night.

Next, pick one of those things. Just one. Not two, not three. Just one. Focus on it. Visualize what you want. Think it through. Imagine it, carefully and closely.

Ask yourself,”so what?” Why do you want this? Really dig into why you want this.

Knowing what you want is a huge step in accomplishing your goals.

*** *** ***

A second thing that holds people back is fear.

There are a few types of fear that influence how we act, what we do, and who we are.  We fear what others think (judgment by the world) and we hold within ourselves self-judgment – our own self-doubts.  We fear failing. We fear not being able to make it – not being able to live up to what we want.  (For a great read on fear and resistance by Stephen Pressfield, check out the latest issue of fear.less)

Really, our minds get in the way a whole lot. We fear what others think; what we THINK others think, and what we’ll think about ourselves.  If we don’t make it, despite giving it our best effort, we are afraid that we’ll reveal that we aren’t good enough.  Not trying gives us an excuse, an out.  We can say, “well, I haven’t tried that yet so it’s still possible.”

We have assumptions, beliefs and ideas – mostly fabricated in our minds – about outcomes, about judgments, about the reaction of the world.

Often our own most limiting factors are our own beliefs.

*** *** ***

It seems so simple when it’s written here on the page: we don’t get what we want because either we don’t know what we want, or we’re afraid of what will happen if we actually try to achieve what we want. Find out what you want. Then stop worrying about it – just do it.