The 20 Mile March

What does it take to be great?

In the book Good to Great, Jim Collins and his team of researchers study how some companies rise to greatness and uncover a key strategy: the 20 Mile March. They asked the question, “Why do some companies thrive in uncertainty, even chaos, and others do not?”

They analyzed companies that were 10x better than the competition, and, across all the data, realized that they had something in common.

First, imagine, for a second, that you’ve got two teams walking across America.

The first team takes the strategy of walking 40-50 miles on the good days, and resting in between.

The second team decides to walk 20 miles every day, rain or shine, injuries or no injury.

Which team wins?

Consistent, methodical actions take you further.

The team — and the companies, and the individuals — that set up consistent, methodical, repeated actions go further. They go 10x further, in fact. The “20 Mile March” became a clear differentiator between those teams that flounder or stay where they are, and the ones that rise to greatness.

The person that crosses the finish line on a big goal or dream is the person that takes consistent action, with clear performance markers, on actions that are largely within your control.

In the book, there are seven elements of a good march, and those include:

  • Clear performance markers,
  • Self-imposed constraints,
  • Appropriateness to you (or the company),
  • largely within your control,
  • Proper timeframe,
  • Designed by the individual, and
  • Achieved with high consistency.

In my work with people in my private Mastermind, we do a three-month program where people put together a monthly goal, with self-imposed constraints, over a short enough time horizon to get feedback and learn.

Now is the time to learn.

In your own practice, what is your 20 Mile March?

For me, a weekly writing habit has been the cadre, or structure, or frame that has unlocked so much more. When I show up to write, it’s not a question of when I’ll write, or how much: it’s already pre-determined that I will write.

I’ll write {this much} at {this frequency} on {these specific days}.

What’s your recipe?

The trick to a 20-Mile March is to make it something you can do repeatedly, on a consistent pattern. Often, in my personal life, I’ll try to tackle a 60-mile march and then get frustrated when I’m tired a few weeks later and (sometimes literally) can’t get up out of bed because my muscles are too sore. A 20-Mile March is something you could do every day, easily, for a year.

Some ideas of 20-Mile Marches:

  • Writing a daily, short, free-form blog on Tumblr (here’s mine; I write a log whenever I need space to free-form think out loud)
  • Writing a weekly blog (this blog posts every Monday at 10am)
  • Writing a monthly newsletter on the 1st of every month (if you’re on my list, you’ll get the newsletter).
  • Doing a yoga practice 3 times per week
  • Simplifying to do a 5-minute yoga practice every morning
  • Emailing one new person every day for a year.
  • Weightlifting twice weekly for a year.

A 20-Mile March does not have to be a daily practice. But it does have to be a practice, and one that you dedicate to a specific time, place, and duration. The compound interest of showing up to practice with regularity is the work of mastery, and the work of moving mountains. Inch by inch, with steady practice, we become something new.

So, I’ll ask you all some of the questions I ask my Mastermind folks in our one-on-one session:

  • Are you taking clear and consistent action? Are you learning each month and building upon what you’ve learned?
  • What’s working?
  • What systems do you have in front of you?
  • What still needs to change?
  • How can you change strategies and tactics to keep showing up, piece by piece, to carve away at your dream?

PS: If you’re looking for an amazing seminar on marketing, persuasion, and creating change, I’m currently taking the inaugural session of The Marketing Seminar with Seth Godin. It’s beyond incredible; I’m likely going to take it again. The latest round of the seminar just opened for registration, July 10, 2017. Push the purple button and get a discount on the 30-day summer session.

No Excuses: How to Stop Bullshitting Yourself and up your Mental Game

No excuses: how to go beyond what you think is possible

It was my junior year of college, and my third year making the National team as a varsity swimmer.

We were two weeks out before the big races: the national swimming meet drew colleges like Emory, Kenyon, MIT, Williams, Amherst, and Johns Hopkins. The 3-day event is held in March in a major U.S. city every year. From the time we got back on campus in the Fall, up until this point in March, we were training. Swimming was life, and life was swimming. Training started in earnest in September, and we had 10 practices each week, often clocking in 10,000 yards of swimming on a daily basis.

I lived in the dorms, housed with three other women in a two-bedroom suite with a shared bathroom. We had access to a dorm kitchen downstairs. A brilliant thought came to mind that early day in March: why don’t I make some cookies for the team?

For however well I could swim in the water, however, I couldn’t walk on land for shit. I fell down a flight of stairs, broke my foot, and realized with panic that I’d have to go see my coach and tell him that I’d just broken my foot.

I broke my foot two weeks before the national meet and didn’t know whether or not I’d be able to swim.

I grabbed an ice pack, put in on my foot, and called my mom. “What do I do? Do you think it’ll heal by tomorrow?”

The next day, my coach looked at my foot and said, “What the hell did you do?”

“Go get in my office.”

(He said this kindly, but it was still very intimidating.)

I hobbled across the deck and went into his office and shut the door.

In his office, he asked me what happened. After a few moments, he paused, look at me, and told me that I’d have to choose.

Would I be swimming on the national team, or would I be done for the season?

“I don’t care which way you decide. But if you choose to swim on the national team—if you’re going to train these next two weeks, and get in the pool to race—I don’t want to hear another word about your broken foot until after the meet is over.”

I was wide-eyed.

But in retrospect, it was one of the kindest things he could have done.

This story—and what happens next— I dig into in detail with Steph Crowder on her podcast, Courage and Clarity. We talk about how these specific life events shape us, and the backstories behind where we are today. (I’m actually on two episodes with her: in the first, we break down how to overcome mental weakness, kill excuses, and make things happen even in shitty circumstances. In the second, we look at how to create clarity in your business through a decision-making tool I love.

But back to the story.

That day, down at the pool, when my coach made me make a decision about how I would proceed, he taught me the power of mindset and how important it is to not let an excuse build up in front of you.

I had a great opportunity to make an excuse: my foot was broken!

Sure, you can have a broken foot. But I could also hang my hat on that as a reason for why something wouldn’t work, and opt myself out mentally, before I’d even given myself a chance.

The true test of perseverance and resilience, the people who make it through their 20 Mile March are the ones who look at that moment when they COULD make an excuse and they say, “I’m choosing to do it anyways.”

(For those worried about my foot, I went to the doctor and they said I wouldn’t cause any further damage to it by using it in swimming. If I was a runner, it might have been another story.)

The person who wins, the person who makes it happen isn’t the person who has some magical better circumstances than you.

No one has perfect circumstances. I realized, as I looked around the pool, that everyone has something—tired, bad night of sleep, social stress, and more—and the ones who find a way to do it in spite of, and alongside, all that’s going on, are the ones that rise to the top. When we make excuses, we’re just making excuses.

My coach gave me a gift: the gift of letting this major hurdle go. Every day I iced and wrapped my foot, and in the pool, I spent time practicing how to do a new swim start, a dive, with my foot in a different position.

And, I realized: my foot didn’t hurt too much—the swelling made it somewhat protected and wrapped. And as a sprinter, the adrenaline fueled my body before I had even a fraction of a second to register that there was pain.

I went on to swim in 17 different races across three days. By the end of the meet, I earned three All-American trophies and placed in the top 16 in the nation for swimming alongside my teammates.

And I had a broken foot.

You’re either strengthening the muscle that makes excuses, or you’re strengthening the muscle that does it anyway.

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Huge thanks to Steph Crowder for inviting me to join her on the Courage and Clarity podcast. Listen to the full story on Episode 31 here: https://www.courageandclarity.com/podcast/31 . If you’d like to hear more stories like this, check out the entire podcast with amazing courage stories and their badass business wisdom.

Eliminate the Thinking

One of my goals is to find a way to minimize the amount of thinking I have to do about any particular subject. My brain is really addicted to thinking. It’s one of its favorite things to do.

But there’s a certain amount of useless thinking that happens about things that don’t need as much brain time on them. For example, thinking every single day about when I’m going to exercise and what type of exercise I’m going to do takes away brain space from thinking about other things.

If I wake up in the morning and I avoid a workout, then I’ve just added that to-do into the docket of things for my brain to ruminate about:

I ask myself at 11am: will you workout now? Okay, there’s a class at 12-noon. But wait — you have a call at 1pm. So later? Yeah, maybe 3pm? Oh, but I just ate. So let’s go at 5pm? Oof, yeah, I’m tired. Damnit. I missed today. Maybe tomorrow.

There are things worth spending brain energy on and things not worth spending brain energy on.

Thinking every day (every day!) about when I’m going to work out is not something that I want to dedicate time to.

All it does it take away brain space from thinking about other things. I want—I crave—this time to go deep into writing. To work on the next chapter of my book. To carve away the mental clutter and focus on work that matters.

And if that is what I truly want, then I need to ruthlessly eliminate all of these other, unnecessary, periods of thinking.

So for workouts, as an example, I have a very boring schedule that I stick to (which I’ll write about another time). It’s dreadfully boring for my vata-type, eager-to-think, overworking mind. There’s no excitement in planning and dreaming and scheming about fancy workouts, and this is by design. I need to reel in my analytical mind and give it different puzzles to focus on.

The schedule is what will let me actually succeed.

When I don’t schedule my workouts, I only end up exercising 2-3 times per week.

When I stick to the schedule, I end up going 3-6 times per week. There’s a very clear advantage to the boring routine.

The criteria for the schedule has to be:

  • So easy I don’t have to think about it
  • Incredibly simple to remember
  • Harder to not do than to do
  • Start as small as possible
  • Ideally linked to some behavior or habit I already do.

With exercise, here’s what this looks like as an example:

I drop my kid off at daycare every day. Same time, same place, gotta do it. (Make it linked to an existing behavior).

So I put my sneakers and pants on, and every day after I drop him off, I exercise. (Wednesdays are my break day: I do this weekdays Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday.)

It’s easier to get to the park and exercise when I’m already in my clothes and I’ve already left the house. (Make it so easy I don’t have to think about it.)

I do it every day. (Harder to not do than to do.)

When I first started that schedule, I only did it for 15 minutes each time.(Start as small as possible.)

Don’t think, just do.

When I think about exercising, all I’m doing is thinking about exercising.

When I set up a habit and a routine that’s simple enough to do the same way every time, I spend more time exercising than thinking.

Eliminate the thinking wherever you can.

How might this apply to other areas of your life? Leave a note in the comments below.

Don’t Use The Full Hour

Most of our default settings look to the top of the clock to start anything.

Meetings go for an hour. We block off time for our commitments in hour-long chunks. Even exercise gets its own hour, even if we actually only do 10 minutes of it.

If you think of time in hour-long chunks, you only have so many hours.

Look up at the clock, it’s 12:34pm. Are you waiting until 1:00pm to start the next meeting or task?

Instead of expanding your thinking to fill up each hour, how can you whittle down tasks to take 5 minutes, 10 minutes, or 7 minutes?

Some experiments worth trying:

  • A daily workout could take as little as 7 minutes.
  • Writing a blog post can be done in 10 minutes. Set the timer.
  • Meetings can start at 11:05am, or 11:10am, and run for only 10 minutes. (Occasionally I like to schedule phone calls to start at odd intervals to see how people are with punctuality).
  • My husband likes to do pushups every time the printer runs. It’s only 60 seconds a few times per day, but it adds up to a lot of pushups.

If you’re not getting it done because you don’t have enough time; why not make less time available for it?

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What’s your routine? What are your habits and ways of being? Leave a note in the comments below, or write a post about your own routine.
This post is part of the Monthly Writing Prompts — check out October’s theme, here or get the monthly writing prompts in your inbox by signing up for the newsletter, here.

Have A Point of View

In our fear of being wrong, or looking stupid, or losing out on opportunities — we waffle. We waver. We fail to make decisions.

We try to make decisions that leave all the options open. We’ll try it all, rather than pick a single dish. We’ll date as many people as possible, rather than cultivate deeper relationships. We’ll rack up followers and acquaintances and friends, rather than spend time with one person through the difficult and exciting times.

Action and decision-making requires having an opinion.

When you have an opinion, you say, “I believe THIS about the world,” and “I think that it works better when we do it like THIS.”

This requires you to take a stand, to think about the consequences of a decision, and make a choice even when all the information isn’t present.

Decision making isn’t easy to do, but waffling isn’t necessarily an easier answer. It may feel cozy for a while, until you realize that not making a decision costs you as well:

When you don’t make a decision to date one person, you date nobody.
When you don’t pick what food to eat, you end up without dinner.
When you try to give your customers everything you want, you fail to differentiate yourself as a business. 
When you don’t decide what to focus on, you’re 55 and still don’t know what to do with your life. 

Decision-making seems like it will hurt. But not making a decision doesn’t actually lessen the pain.

What’s your point of view? What do you think is important?

How We See Ourselves: On Identity, Labels, and Privilege

Do you know the story about when a man is asked to look in a mirror? He’s asked what he sees. He says “myself” (usually he says his name, “I see John,” etc).

A woman looks in the mirror and says, “I see a woman.”

A black woman says, “I see a black woman.”

How we describe ourselves says a lot about where our labels and distinctions lie. When you are an “other,” that identity is put in front of your name, your personhood. You are now a {category}, {category}, person.

We describe ourselves based on our inclusions and our other-ness. If we’re the only white person in a group of people of color, we might shift our narrative and self-describe as “I am a white man.” We define within and against the groups around us.

Listen to what labels you use to describe yourself. Are you a “quiet” person? This suggests that the norm is not to be a quiet person; that society expects extroversion and gregariousness to be the defining factors of human jubilance.

If you want to know what group of people has the most privilege in a culture or society, look for the group of people that just sees themselves as people, no labels.

4 Key Phrases & Tools You Can Use To Influence Other People

Have you ever wanted to shake someone and change the way that they’re thinking, working or operating? From every day team communications, to managing your relationships in your family, to navigating the increasingly intense political landscape out there, effectively communicating who you are and what you want can seem like a pipe dream.

We all know the person who gets everything he or she wants, seemingly effortlessly, without having to push or coerce. How does it happen? Why do some people stay calm and effective while other people want to yell and scream?

A few years ago, I worked with a few folks who were clearly very different than me — I liked to write and think by spending time alone; they loved to banter loudly in epic meetings that made my head hurt. I had to learn new ways of communicating effectively; learning to yell over people was not decidedly not effective and not the type of personality trait I wanted to cultivate.

But other than yelling or crying, I wasn’t sure what to do.

At my monthly #BossBreakfast in New York City, I addressed this conundrum with lady friends of mine.

(I have monthly breakfasts with power ladies that I love in New York City, and we call them #BossBreakfasts, a nickname my husband gave them after he found out what I was doing.)

We agreed that being a boss doesn’t always mean being … bossy.

It does mean being direct, straightforward, clear, honest, and having articulate boundaries. It means knowing how to get things done. And getting things done isn’t about power or force. somethings getting things done is about influence, persuasion, and collaboration.

Here are several key phrases you can use to influence other people — positively, of course.

Key phrases to use to influence others around you:

It turns out there are a few key phrases you can use to influence other people and get more of what you want — without yelling, bossing, or demanding.

“What ideas do you have for…”

If you want to get something done, ask other people for their ideas. Perhaps you want to change your office into more of a communal workspace, but you’re not sure how to bring up the idea of buying a giant farm table into the office. “What ideas do you have for making our workspace more communal?” Is something you might ask to your colleagues and peers to raise the idea.

As you point people’s attention to something you’ve been thinking about for a while, it’s possible that they will come up with the same ideas — or even better ideas — and bring the group to a consensus without you ever sharing your frustration.

Use the phrase “What ideas do you have for…” just before the thing you want to affect or change, and watch what happens.

“Have you noticed…?”

Another great way to bring people’s attention to something is to raise it as a shared awareness. “Have you noticed that the kitchen always seems so dirty at the end of the day?” — there’s no blame, yelling, or accusations. Instead, you’re on the same page.

“Totally,” your colleague might reply. “We’re always so slammed with work during lunch because of all of our broadcasts, that we never seem to remember to pick up.”

Ahh — now you know the reason for the problem. “Would it help if we hired a few extra hands to come in and work the lunch shift so it could stay clean?”

“Yes! That would be awesome.”

“I’d love your insight…”

People love it when you ask their opinion. I got a version of this phrase from The Muse, a website on work and careers. Instead of sharing exactly what you would do to fix something, instead turn the phrase around:

“I’d love your insight into how to handle this. If you were in my shoes, what would you do?”

When you’re stuck and you don’t know how to broach a difficult subject, ask your colleague or client what they would do if they were in your shoes. Often by asking them to step outside of their everyday goals and objectives and understand your predicament, they can begin to understand why the problem is so challenging in the first place.

If there’s a limited budget and you’re running out of bandwidth to get everything done in time, you can tell your client what’s up. “The last project we had, we used two graphic designers and a freelance copywriter and it took us four weeks to get to final design sign-off. This time, you’re short a designer and don’t have any copywriters — I can stop work on the project to search for a new designer, but I’m afraid we might not meet the deadline. I’d love your insight for how to handle this. If you were in my shoes, what would you do?”

This can be a tricky one to use effectively, but, when done well, you can bring two sparring people to the same side of the table, finding creative solutions to problems together.

And when in doubt, compliment.

One of the most effective tools of persuasion is through using words of affirmation. Find what your friends, colleagues, and loved ones are doing well and tell them. The more we affirm and compliment a behavior, the more likely it’s going to happen in the future. Negative consequences can only be so effective. If you’re finding yourself complaining or yelling more than you’d like, try giving everyone a compliment by the end of the day.

As a boss, go through your roster of employees and direct reports. Have you complimented them on their work lately? Reach out and tell them what you appreciate about them. Tell them what good work they’re doing.

There aren’t many people who don’t like a good compliment. Tell them how good they are. This is one of the most effective tools of persuasion, because the person you’re complimenting will be more open for conversation, and more likely to want to keep doing a great job.

Why We’re Lonelier Than Ever (and Why Marriage is Falling Apart), According to Kurt Vonnegut

photo-1437422061949-f6efbde0a471

How many people do you interact with on a daily basis? Not online, or in your email inbox, but in real life?

What about during the week? I had to do a quick tally — (ten coworkers, my husband, a few close friends I see regularly, an occasional dinner or evening out), — maybe twenty to thirty people?

We live in extended networks of people, from families to churches to schools to organizations that we belong to. But how many of them do we actually SEE and interact with face to face in a given week

Kurt Vonnegut, an American writer and humorist, and author of 14 books, published a collection of graduation speeches he’s given in the book, “If This Isn’t Nice, What Is?”. In it, he covers in hilarious detail the simplicity of being human, the conundrum of being nice (“be more like Jesus,” he says, regardless of whether or not you think he’s God), and why we’re all suffering from loneliness.

It was so simple, yet so profound:

“Only two major subjects remain to be covered: loneliness and boredom. No matter what age any of us is now, we are going to be bored and lonely during what remains of our lives. We are so lonely because we don’t have enough friends and relatives. Human beings are supposed to live in stable, like-minded, extended families of fifty people or more.”

Do you have fifty people?

He goes on to talk about marriage, and why marriage isn’t falling apart because marriage is wrong, but because our families are too small.

“Marriage is collapsing because our families are too small. A man cannot be a whole society to a woman, and a woman cannot be a whole society to a man. We try, but it is scarcely surprising that so many of us go to pieces.”

So, he recommends, “everybody here [should] join all sorts of organizations, no matter how ridiculous, simply to get more people in his or her life. If does not matter much if all the other members are morons. Quantities of relatives of any sort are what we need.”

In a second speech, he goes on to elaborate on knowing the secrets to what women and men want. It’s remarkably similar to his story above:

“I know what women want. Women want a whole lot of people to talk to. And what do they want to talk about? They want to talk about everything.”

And men?

“Men want a lot of pals.”

I don’t fully agree with the simplicity of men and women being entirely different (nor do I believe that marriage is just about a man and a woman) — but the underlying point rings true: men and women want people to hang out with and talk to.

And the cause of fights in marriage? It turns out “what they’re really yelling at each other about is loneliness.”

“What they’re really saying is, ‘You’re not enough people.’”

We are born into our immediate families. It’s up to us to reach out, meet as many people as possible, and build our extended families.

Do you have fifty people?

Have You Ever Saved Someone’s Life?

In high school I worked as a lifeguard and swim instructor. I had a few close encounters — just a few feet from me, below my line of sight, a 6-year old began to drown in four feet of water.

Her toes barely skimmed the floor of the pool, and her arms fluttered up and her mouth popped open. Her face began to panic, and she was there for several seconds before my eye scan circled down the water below me. I saw her, and stood up.

Getting down from the lifeguard stand, getting the red rescue tube off me, and reaching out to her felt like it took ages. She struggled to grab the rescue tube, then grabbed it, and I dragged her to the side. We pulled her out of the pool, she coughed up a bit of water, took a deep breath, and burst into a wail. Her mother came flying down the pool deck. I’m sure it took a while for her to come back to play in the pool again. It took the rest of the day for my heart to stop racing.

I’ve never given mouth-to-mouth, but in the years of swimming, life guarding, and taking water safety, I did pick up a few things about CPR.

There’s a remarkable fact most people don’t know about swimming, drowning, and saving someone’s life.

In lifeguard training, most lifeguards are run through the exercises only a few times—and sometimes only once. You learn CPR and how to put someone on a backboard and drag them out of the pool, and then you become a lifeguard.

The first time I learned this, I was very worried: what if I put them on the backboard wrong? What if I broke their neck as they were getting out of the pool? What if we forgot the order of the chest compressions and the breathing cycles?

It turns out it doesn’t really matter.

The biggest factor that influences whether or not someone will help a stranger is whether or not you believe you know what to do.

Red-boat-lifeguard-safety-cpr

And in order to get people to step up and act, you need to have them practice the behavior at least once. You only need to go through the motions once in order to have enough information to trust yourself enough to take action in the case of an emergency.

That is, people who have gone through emergency training only once are something like 90% more likely to take action in the face of an emergency.

And what saves someone’s life? When someone takes action instead of standing there.

It’s those moments when you see someone face down in a pool and you run over and pull them out and start CPR rather than standing their with your mouth open. It’s seeing a choking victim in a restaurant and pushing up your chair and heading over because you know just enough about the Heimlich maneuver so you do your best version of it until the person spits out their hot dog, and they breathe again. Instead of standing there, helpless, not knowing what to do.

One of the biggest reasons that people don’t get help during robbery or assault events? Everyone believes someone else is already doing something. So, collectively, everyone just stands there.

Doing nothing.

Watching someone die.

So how do we change this? How do we get people to act, and how do we change this occurrence of events?

The most important thing you can do to save lives

The most important thing you can do in lifesaving behavior is to practice doing something just once. It increases your odds of doing the behavior in the future by an exceptional amount. It becomes something you’ve internalized with your brain and body, and therefore you don’t have to think about what you’re going to do. Instead, you get to the business of doing what you’ve already once practiced doing.

Want to save more lives? Take a CPR class, or just google something right now and watch a twenty minute video.

(Note that the latest CPR recommendations don’t even recommend doing mouth-to-mouth, because it’s too much of a deterrent and people won’t actually act; instead, they recommend continuous chest compressions because people will actually do this, rather than stand around. Interlace your fingers, do chest compressions. Rapidly. You might crack a rib. That’s okay. Now you know CPR.)

Want to become a writer? Sit down at your desk, and practice the act of writing. Want to become a musician? Open your mouth and let out a warble.

The first most important step in guaranteeing a future behavior will happen is doing the behavior just once, right now.

When you want to learn how to do something new, the two important things you can do are (1) practice it, and (2) visualize it.

Can’t actually practice something? The next most important thing you can do to change your behavior is visualize it — rehearse it in your mind, in specific detail. I wrote about this previously for 99U:

Visualizing is so important that it’s been proven to change behaviors even when people don’t actively change anything except their mental stories. In a famous basketball study, players were divided into groups that visualized perfect free throws, a second group that practiced their shots, and a placebo group that did nothing. At the end of the study, the players that visualized their perfect throws improved almost as much as the group that practiced—without ever touching a basketball. It’s a practice used by Steve Nash, the all-time leading free-throw shooter in NBA history. (Note that the players weren’t just visualizing being winners, but the specific steps and actions it takes to perfect the free-throw shot, a crucial distinction.)

This doesn’t just apply to emergency events.

If you want to change who you are, and what you do, planning — visualizing — can help.

Changing behaviors: practice once, visualize often.

If you want to exercise more, go through the motions: plan a date on your calendar, make a very specific outcome, and then walk through the behaviors. At home, I’ll put my swimsuit, cap, and goggles into my bag, along with a towel and soaps. I’ll pick up the bag and practice carrying it out the door in the evening before I want to go practice at a new pool. That way, the next day, when I’m tired and worn out, I don’t have to think about the act of packing up—just finding the new pool.

For eating: go to the store when you’re not hungry, and pick out a couple things you’d never eat. Try two or three new things, and just stick them in your basket. This act alone will make you more familiar with them. Or, try a one-off cooking class that shows you how to use new vegetables. Experience breeds familiarity, practice makes easy.

And for your own safety? Try these two practices for yourself. Just once.

Two of the safest things you can do for yourself in your house and while traveling are as follows.

First, for fire safety: take a pad of bright post-it notes and do a walk through your house. Put a sticker on the things that you would need in a fire and what you would want to keep if you were allowed to keep something. Rearrange your stuff so everything with a sticky is all in one place (I have a single bookshelf with my moleskines in one stack and our fire extinguisher in the center of our house so we can grab either and walk out). Walk through your house once and go through the motions of leaving your house.

Second, for airplane safety: when you sit in the exit row of an airplane, read the safety information panel and visualize yourself doing each of the moves. Look at the exit, read the card, imagine turning the giant handle to open the door (it will be heavy, by the way), and then think—where will it go? If you visualize walking through the steps, you’ll actually be very prepared to take action if the time comes and you need to.)

I have now revealed to you how passionate I am about fire safety, water safety, and airplane safety.

An invitation into the darkness: the value of rumination and notes on finding your own inner guru.

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The darkness of winter: time to turn inwards.

The northern hemisphere is swaddled in darkness, as it is each winter. Today is the longest night of the year; the shortest day. The sun will rise late and quickly dash off, leaving us behind to contemplate the cold, wind, and dreariness of night. Despite the prominence of electric lights and bright screens, and cheery holiday tinsel lining the streets, it’s still dark by early afternoon.

It makes me tired, it makes it harder to work. I struggle to keep going in the afternoon, wanting instead to curl up and hibernate. For many of us, we forget that this is the darkest day of the year. We’ll notice it only through our increased desire for caffeine, a twinge of melancholy, or a lack of motivation. As Clark Strand writes in Bring On the Dark, “few of us will turn off the lights long enough to notice” the winter solstice happening right around us.

“There’s no getting away from the light. There are fluorescent lights and halogen lights, stadium lights, streetlights, stoplights, headlights and billboard lights. There are night lights to stand sentinel in hallways, and the lit screens of cellphones to feed our addiction to information, even in the middle of the night. No wonder we have trouble sleeping. The lights are always on.” — Why We Need The Winter Solstice 

These dark days are a gift: it’s an opportunity to turn inwards, to reflect, and to ponder.

Darkness invites contemplation, reflection, and inner reflection. Dwelling in it can also, for me, bring up deeper sadness and sorrows. It comes in waves, for me, the periods of stillness and rest, of quiet and solitude. Sometimes my mind dips into periods of darkness; I know that I’m deep in restoration and rebuilding. Patterns emerge; ideas begin to form. My other senses sharpen as I rely less on my eyesight.

We’re called to go into the darkness. To find our own inner guru.

When you dim one sense, you brighten the other senses, adding clarity, range, and acuity to your abilities. The ability to feel a range of emotions increases your emotional depth. The upside of darkness, however, is that it is a beautiful time for rumination and reflection.

In yoga, inviting the darkness in is an invitation to find your own inner wisdom, your own inner guru. In studying with Sara Neufeld recently, I learned more about how darkness is an invitation to find your own inner wisdom.

The word “Guru” comes from two words, gu (darkness) and ru (light). From a seat of heaviness or darkness, we go through experiences that bring us to light. One who has experienced both darkness and light has accumulated wisdom. In the yogic tradition, we all are our own gurus — capable of finding our own inner wisdom when we go inwards and close our eyes to contemplate our being.

“The night was the natural corrective to that most persistent of all illusions: that human progress is the reason for the world.” — Clark Strand

Sometimes, finding lightness requires going through the dark. We go not around, but through. The earth spins into darkness every year, so should our souls.