Want More Connection?

I have a friend who seems to run into people he knows everywhere he goes. He seems like the most connected person I know.

I laughed and asked him how he does it.

“How do you connect to so many people?” 

He was at the airport and bumped into a friend from far away.

He said it’s not really a trick. It’s not like he knows more people than anyone else.

“I look up,” he said.

“I walk around and I actually take the time to look at people’s faces. I smile. Instead of looking looking, at my phone, I like to look around. When I do that, I see people walking by, and I take time to enjoy the crowd that I’m in.”

Most people just walk around looking down at their feet, or looking down at their phones. Even if they are up, looking around, they might be too full with things in their mind to actually see what’s in front of them.

We look inside of our phones and our devices for connection, and miss the world outside.

Look up, look up.

When you look around, catch someone’s eye.

Smile a bit. Be the person who gives a twinkle and a laugh. And then, when you see what’s in front of you, you might just bump into someone you know.

Send a Friend a Love Letter

I have the bad habit of hiding and holing myself away for a while. It’s when I’m deep in writing, processing, or thinking. I get a bit estranged from the connectivity of it all.

When I emerge, I begin to remember things that I used to do, that I’ve forgotten. A quick sniff of my armpits and I realize that I should probably have showered a bit more frequently; my face is greasy with non-washing and my yoga pants have several days’ worth of food wiped across them.

And I remember that I’ve forgotten to stay in touch. I’ve forgotten to write back to friends. Email has piled up in that unforgiving way, hundreds of messages blinking at me angrily in the ether, waiting and insisting upon an urgent response.

Two weeks is a fast reply, right?

When I disappear into it all, I fail to stay in touch with my friends. Sometimes the guilt seeps in — I missed it! I should have paid more attention! — but deep down, I also know that the way into deep work is to stave off the notifications and the messages for a while.

And as a way back in, I like to write. Write to my friends, write to my family.

The worst habit I have, which I’m a bit remiss to confess here, is one in which I emerge, and then stiffly and frustratingly wonder why people aren’t reaching out to me.

Why don’t I have a new message today?

Hmph.

(As though my friends should be patiently waiting for my return and then instantly messaging me.)

Nope.

It’s on me.

And so I write.

I write my friends a letter. A note.

These are a few of the ways I like to reconnect:

> By text message

Hi! I’ve missed you. Sorry for the delays, I’ve been inside and under a writing rock lately. Let me know how you’ve been and if you want to catch up!

> By audio message

I’m still a bit wary of the actual telephone, so I love to record audio messages for my friends and drop them off.

> By postcard

Postcards cost 34 cents to mail, and about 50 cents to purchase. Isn’t that absolutely incredible? I keep a stash inside the front pocket of my kindle to write when I’m out and about, or when I’m in line, or when I’m traveling on a plane.

> By friend update

I write a monthly friend update — a personal letter of sorts. It’s a small list of people I want to keep in touch with, which goes out, not monthly, but in the months I remember to send it. (Critical distinction, eh?). I forgive myself in advance for the months I forget and pick up during the months I remember. Some quarters just aren’t that externally facing, and that’s part of the seasonality of life.

I tell them a bit about my work and my current thought process, the research projects I’m engaged in, and any struggles that are presenting themselves.

I ask them to write back. I get a dozen or so responses, and we re-engage.

> By email love letter

This is perhaps my favorite of all time. I like to ask people how to show up better for them in their lives, to learn what they like, to hear about what would be helpful for them.

When I find my people in this world, I try to keep them around. People that are on a similar wavelength of curiosity and experimentation, of kindness and depth. And one way to do this is by writing a letter of admiration and connection to them.

To tell them the joy of being acquainted with them, and how much you’re looking forward to getting to know them, however it transpires.

And the question I want to share with the blog today, a nascent question in my journey into better-connected friendships, is a question I find poignant, raw, and mind exploding.

How can I better show up as a friend for you?

I found myself craving a friendship with two people I’d fallen in (friend) love with, and we lived far apart, each equally busy in our world of work and life pursuits. We weren’t going to happen to run into each other very often.

I wrote them an email, titled, simply:

<3

And the email said:

I have a question for you, which might seem strange, but here goes:

How can I show up as a better friend for you?

I’ve got a really strong intuition and feeling that I want to be in your life, that we will stay in touch.

So, for you: what would it look like to have amazing friend support? What makes your life better? How can we show up for you?

Especially in the age of “too busy” and tons of work, what might this look like? Text messages? Random 5 minute chats?

A thought and a question to start a conversation.

xo

How are you reaching out to your friends?

One of my practices in friendship and connection is working to pro-actively initiate more of the types of friendships I want to have in my life. I believe in the rule of 50 people, and the need for vastly better structures of community in our lives. I want my little one to have dozens of “Aunts” and “Uncles” he can turn to when his mom isn’t the right person to go to, and I want the same for myself.

I dream of being surrounded by wonderful men and women, in community, going deeper in ideas, in sharing, in storytelling, and in supporting each other.

It is my belief that telling our stories helps us heal, helps us connect, and helps us feel less alone amidst the existential loneliness of it all (we’re all just floating in space, really, right?).

And so we must reach out, to each other.

What are your favorite practices for reaching out and staying connected with friends? How do you want to show up in the lives of other people, and how do you want people to show up in your lives? Leave a note in the comments!

You don’t have to do it alone. [an epic resource + event + spiritual program guide.] All my favorite programs for you, right now.

Many of us want similar things in life. Freedom. Love. Money. Safety. Security. Happiness.

Depending on where you are in Maslow’s theoretical hierarchy of needs, your next immediate problem might either be finding a meal to satiate your hunger—or it might be reaching out to new meetup groups to make more friends.

It might be heading out on date after date with OKCupid (true confessions: I spent two years going on first dates until I was so sick of first dates I finally gave up. Then I met this nerd on the internet.)

The good news is that whether the goal is to make more money, to discover your heart center, or to become a better writer—there are GREAT programs and guides out there to make it easier.

You don’t have to do it all alone. The internet is filled with hundreds of resources to help you save time, make money, and come alive in your own life.

I’ve compiled a list of my favorite projects and programs into a brand-new resources page on my site. These are programs + resources that I love — and if you’re in need of support in your business life, spiritual life, or writer’s life, there are so many options for you to check out to support you in your adventures, explorations, and growth. Check ’em out, below.

(Also, if you’re a New York or SF resident, I also have a few free share codes for Breather, Handybook, and Plateddown at the bottom). And lastly, if you’re looking for a good book recommendation, hop over to my book list.

Otherwise, read on! The epic resource + event + spiritual program guide begins here:

resources :: to change your life

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Satya Columbo — The Fire of Love Experience. A journey of spirit, flow, and practical magic for rebel souls. A monthly membership program focused on awakening the fire of your soul and adopting practices of centering into your core strength in order to support you in living the life of your highest calling. I’m delighted to be a featured speaker in the program this time around — and the deadline to join is August 1.

Seeing with new eyes — with Tara Mohr. Tara’s got a new book coming out, Playing Big, that I can’t wait to dive into — but she also has a few programs and words on her site that continue to speak to me. This short + sweet 15-day program focuses on “changing how we see and experience the lives we have, so that we experience more joy and contentment and vitality — without changing a thing on the outside.” Perfect for a life-refresh or when you want to press the re-set button on your tired mental schemas.

The Desire Map. “The permission slip you’ve been waiting for.” — a guide to creating goals with soul, and a renewed look at what we desire—and why that’s the key to understanding how to get what we want. A beautiful program by the ultimate Fire Starter herself, Danielle LaPorte.

Listen to your instincts. What feels like the next right move?

The Fire Starter Sessions. Speaking of starting fires —this guide to creating success on your own terms, The Fire Starter Sessions reframes popular self-help and success concepts to cut through dull thinking and fear. Another fabulous find to dig into (and come back to over and over again) by Danielle LaPorte.

Wild Soul Movement with Liz Dialto. I have been blown away by the audacity and bravery of this woman. She keeps carving out her programs, processes and wisdom into further distillations of beauty, and this recent emergent program is knocking my socks off. Move. Nourish. Expand. I feel like she took the words right out of my mouth. Here’s hoping she opens up a Fall Session.

The Empire Building Kit: How to build your own business in 365 days (and become an emperor, obviously). Includes one action-item to take each day to help you fight overwhelm and make progress—featuring simplified steps, smart tactics, and 15 bonus case studies of real entrepreneurs who made it work. From Chris Guillebeau and the Unconventional Guides series, this program gets you going.

resources :: to share your voice

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Your Big Beautiful Book Plan. A book is always more than just a book. Much more. Writing a book could direct the course of your career for the rest of your life. It could lead to infinitely important connections, multiple revenue streams, spin off products, international relations. It could send more business your way. It could pay for a trip to Tahiti or just pay the rent. It could change one person’s life for the better. It could start a revolution. You need a plan. Danielle LaPorte and Linda Silverstein team up to create this book-making magical resource to guide you through the process of creating your own master plan. A digital program for people who want to get their word into the world — where it belongs.

How to Connect With Anyone, by Scott Dinsmore and Live Your Legend — The deepest gem of this online resource is the community that lives behind-the-scenes once you join the program. Looking to connect to your right people, and learn how to make it happen? Scott’s resource explains why people are the key to your next business, program, or personal endeavor. Connecting with the right people means everything.

Make Money Freelance Writing. Another gem from the Unconventional Guides suite of resources, The Unconventional Guide to Freelance Writing is packed full of practical tools to help you grow your work from wherever you’re at— whether you’re a budding night-writer aspiring to land your first gig or an established wordsmith wanting to build their client base. Building a financially rewarding writing career or simply selling your words for supplemental income is possible, and the time to get started is today. You will write. You will be paid. You will be published.

Write Your Damn Book, by Paul Jarvis — this self-guided (and free!) email program that Paul Jarvis developed and I love it — it’s super-short, with 13 actionable lessons and fewer than 5,000 words to get you from wanting to writing. I love the work Paul puts out in the world, and this one is a great self guided program!

Of course, The Writer’s Workshop — now available as a self-guided program! This past summer, we put the finishing details on the Writer’s Workshop, and it’s now available as a self-guided program where you can access the lessons, lectures, audio + video recordings on your own schedule.

Accessing your inner soul is the most important work you can do. Writing is one way in.

resources :: to get smarter money-wise

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Get Rich Slowly: The Master Your Money Toolkit. From the mastermind behind the blog Get Rich Slowly comes J.D. Roth’s latest project: a money-makeover toolbox designed to help people leave debt behind, master their money, and achieve financial independence. Featuring a “Money Mondays,” email series, 18 audio interviews with money experts, and a comprehensive “Be Your Own CFO” guidebook, this course collects wisdom from financial gurus Ramit Sethi, Pam Slim, Adam Baker, and more.

Designed to Sell. Ever wonder what it takes to shape an idea into a best-selling business or product? This project is designed specifically for artists, designers, crafters, and anyone with a dream of making something to sell. This collection goes behind-the-scenes to show you how to create, design, and launch your project—and how to make it sell.

experiences :: live events, conferences, and retreats

REtreat

Replenishing your soul and restoring your faith in community are not indulgences. They are necessities.

Yoga retreat getaway August 8—10: If you’re in the NYC area, join some of my favorite yoga teachers, Aaron Angel, Keely Angel, and James Fideler for a 3-day weekend retreat full of music, movement, yoga, and delicious food.

I’m teaching yoga! Saturday Yoga classes this August at ABHAYA in Brooklyn — if you’re looking for a community class to join, I’m teaching some of my first classes at the gorgeous Abhaya Studio this August on select Saturday mornings! Join in on one of my community classes or pop in at one of the other time slots (and let me know if you’re coming by so I can say hi).

Speak Like A Pro virtual conference with Jenny Blake and En*theos. A free virtual conference held August 25—29, Jenny will be holding 25 compelling conversations with authors, TED speakers and the world’s leading experts on influence and behavior change.

The Freedom Immersion with Kate and Mike WATTS! Check out this fantabulous newly married couple and dig in for a weekend of freedom October 3rd through 5th — in money, life, and business. Head up to Maine for a private weekend with Kate and Mike and a deep-dive into your business. It’s a mastermind with giggles, gorgeous views, and two fabulous souls. Yes, please.

October 11th — hold the date Hannah Marcotti and I are making something special happen up in her Loft. It’s happening. Rumor is true! Details are coming later this month. So far this is what we’ve got:

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In her skin: a workshop about pleasure & the rise of your sexual self — Join Hannah again at the Loft in November as she and Mara Glatzel host a two-day event focused on conversation, visioning, and truth-telling. A weekend dedicated to your sensuality, your pleasure, and “stoking your internal fire to cultivate the language of your intentions and awakenings.”

daily pleasures :: breathing space + other coupons

Last but not least, if you want to try any of the following deals, I’ve tried ’em and love them:

  • Curious to try out Breather in NYC? I’ve got a special code that gives friends one free hour (click here to try it out).
  • Want to learn how to cook? Plated has been lovely, and I believe my referral code gets folks 2 free plates. They send you dinner ingredients in a box, with a recipe, and you cook it up. So far, I’ve made Shakshuka, Grilled Halibut and a delicious Frisee salad — it’s been awesome!
  • My Handybook discount gets you $25 off your first cleaning — and yes, I get $25 back, too. Enjoy the discount code SARAH6801 and pass it on!

Got something awesome that people should know about it?

Have a favorite book, tool, resource, or community group that this community would dig? Share it in the comments!

Also: curating these resources, book lists, and program reviews has taken me hundreds of hours of my time. Some of the links here are affiliate links—meaning that I can get paid if you end up buying something from my recommendation. I never share things I don’t personally love, and if you want, you can always search for the product independently from my recommendations. If you do buy from my link, warm internet hugs to you because it means that I can keep doing the dorky things I do and make more of my work in the world.

Here’s to connecting your bright self to the right community + program to build your work in the world.

 

Are you itching and ready for change? So many beautiful ways to start the new year. Here are a few programs and classes I love.

I have a confession to make.

I signed up for three courses this January, and I’ve got so many notebooks and pens and pencils out that I’m doing geeky little dances around my apartment, although my apartment keeps getting messier and messier. Magazines, scissors, glue, crafts? Check. Class on financial awareness and making money as a creative entrepreneur? Check, check. Advancing my skills in writing and storytelling by taking more writing classes? Absolutely.

If you’re itching for growth and change like I am, the new year is always a beautiful time to try out new classes, habits, and ideas. I find I work best in community with other folks, and with a regular routine or schedule–so this month of January, I’m setting time aside to do more creative writing and crafts. But what will you do? What are you hoping to work on this year? What changes have you been itching to make in your life?

Earlier I posted great gifts for the Holiday, and as an addendum, here are several more programs that might be exactly what you need this January. (Obviously I want you to sign up for both the Writer’s Workshop and the Content Strategy course, but your needs and finances are diverse, so pick and choose what’s right for you).

Here’s a list of books, ideas, courses, and free self-guided programs to help kick off the new year.

Master Classes + Masterminds:

  • RevolutionU with Good Life Project and Jonathan Fields. A band of visionaries and creatives join together in an intensive 8-week mastermind with the one and only Jonathan Fields. Jonathan has been a voice of strength and courage and I’m constantly learning from him. I’ll admit, I’m tempted.
  • Jenny Blake’s Build-Your-Business Bootcamp. Itching to get moving on your creative projects and make your business, well, make sense? Jenny has been an instrumental friend and coach–I’ve often called on her to work through ideas, but now instead of one-off coaching, she offers this powerful class.
  • Weekend in the Woods: Yoga & Writing Retreat with my friend Dave Ursillo in Rhode Island. January 17-19, limited spaces left.
  • The Writer’s Workshop and Content Strategy for Thought Leaders. If improving your communication is something you want to focus on this year, sign up for the January 13th and February 17th courses. Since so much of our world (read: the internet) exists in written form, improving your writing chops helps you in every area of your life. Sign up before January 10th to join me in the first workshop.

Business + Creative Courses:

  • Willo’s Harvest & Thrive modules for Creative Entrepreneurs: I signed up for three of the modules and I can’t wait to learn from this lady. Clarifying your vision, creating structure and focus, and thriving financially and the heart of this creative endeavor. ($49 per module).
  • Hannah Marcotti’s Spirits of Joy January Course: (Begins January 2).I’m enrolled in this and you can follow some of my progress on my Instagram feed if you want a peek into what’s happening. $29.
  • Alexandra Franzen’s I Heart Email Course: This lady speaks my language. We write every day in email, thousands of words per day, and it could be so much better. The course runs at your own choice of donation amount (honor system). I’m so looking forward to this.
  • Jeff Goin’s 500-words writing challenge: Want to write 500 words a day? Join in with writer Jeff as he and his community write 500 words a day. (Sign up on his blog and leave a comment
  • Leo Babauta’s Sea Change ProgramA monthly membership designed to help you implement and stick to changes in your life. The subscription is $10 a month and you are not obligated to stay for the full year.
  • Seth Godin’s SkillShare Master Marketing ClassOpens January 15th. (This is an affiliate link, which means I get $10 if you sign up–so I can take more classes, tell you about them, and generally make the world better. Things that are good. Thank you!)
  • Tara Gentile’s KickStart Labs: a place for entrepreneurs and small-business owners to feel less alone. Twice-monthly calls and a community of success-focused and vision-driven microbusiness owners just like you.

Athletic courses, coaching, and challenges: 

  • Amber Zuckswert’s EPIC Self 3-week online challenge. I worked with this lady in Bali, and she’s a wonderful yoga and pilates instructor. Full of wisdom and motivation, her 3-week pass is an absolute steal. $150 for downloadable DVD’s, bonus coaching sessions, and healthy recipes.
  • A Shrink Session with Erin Stutland in New York City (digital classes available). I’ve heard nothing but rave reviews about this lady. Blends workouts with positive affirmations. Mind-changing. I love movement, so yes, I’m trying one of these this year.

Books + Self-Guided Programs:

  • Your Best Year Yet: A 2014 Creative Calendar from Andrea Genevieve and Krystle Lilliestierna. Featuring 12 interviews with entrepreneurial women (yours truly is in the guide!), the calendar breaks down marketing, business strategy, and steps to take throughout the year in conjunction with the calendar.
  • The Artists Way. Pick up a copy of Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s Way and write 750 words each day and rediscover your creative self. It’s a 12-week self-guided program. (I’m doing it with a few friends from January to March. So excited!)
  • Pam Slim’s latest book, Body of Work. I picked it up and I think that it is her best writing to date. It’s not always easy to describe what your threads are, but it’s a phenomenal set of exercises that help you see your life as a complete body of work–filled with various projects and drives–and less about a singular definition or job. It’s also a huge relief, because you don’t need to nail one job or one description; it’s not about arriving.

A note: pick one and start small.

In order to make change in your life–particularly if you want different outcomes, you have to do something different. Change is hard. It’s really difficult to do new things and to make time, space, and be accountable for the changes you want to make. Pick only one of the things above if it really and truly aligns with your goals. Make wiggle room for growth and change.

In my experience, the most successful things I do start small and happen gradually. They also happen in community–where people can nudge me if I drop off and encourage me to get back on track. There are some things I’m more successful at self-guiding and other things I need lots of accountability for. People, schedules, and finances are great ways to encourage accountability. This is one of the reasons why I signed up for Yoga Teacher Training–to have a program, schedule, and giant financial commitment that would encourage me to do what I wanted to do.

And a quick note on finances:

PS: If you’re short on cash or chasing financial freedom, you don’t have to do any of these things. An $8 notebook and your own brain will serve you just fine. Email someone and ask if you can do a creative swap to join their course. Sign up for 750 Words and start your own January writing challenge.

The benefit of financial investment comes from supporting the work of people you love (one of the reasons why I sign up for so many things), joining a community (which helps you stay accountable), and putting your money where you want your heart to be (also an accountability move). But if you can’t afford it right now, be honest with yourself, too. I support conscious consumerism.

Do you know any great programs that should be shared?

Link it up in the comments and I’ll edit the post to add it!

What are you doing to make this your year?

Who We Are: A Profile of Readership of This Blog. (And Four Book Winners!)

Fall Pumpkins New York

You and me, we’re the magic of the internet.

Last week I sent out a survey to readers to get a better sense of this community that we’re growing here. We had nearly 200 responses to the survey, and the results are in — Here’s what we look like:

GENDER: Readers are about two thirds female and one-third male: (69% of responders marked female, 31% marked male).

AGE DISTRIBUTION: While I’ve experienced this informally through my interactions in emails and online, it was nice to see it mapped in distribution: we’re a mix of folks of all ages — from recent college grads to new parents, to second- and third-careerists, and many folks grayer and wiser than I am. Here’s the spread:

  • Under 21: 3%
  • Age 21-30: 36%
  • Age 31-40: 25%
  • Age 41-50: 18%
  • Age 51-60: 14%
  • Age 61-70: 5%
  • Over 70: 0%

Who you are and what you’re working on:

You’re working on: figuring out how to make a living doing something interesting (or rather, something that you actually like–because still so many people are living lives and working jobs that they are miserable in); how to contribute your talents to the world; discovering what those talents are; becoming a better writer or communicator; understanding self-publishing and what it means to talk online; and developing your own businesses or passion projects.

Many people are interested in learning how to live with less as well as how to focus, hone, and refine what it is they really want. You’re interested in knowing methods for de-cluttering; you aspire to simplicity in home and health, and happiness not through more stuff, but through something not yet identified.

For the post-graduates, you’re moving back home with the parents and navigating the new-job world; in the first five years or so, you’re learning, reading, and trying to figure out how to lay out plans to make the most of your 20’s and early 30’s in a combination of excitement and trepidation. Will you make the right decisions? (No, and yes!)

Nearly everyone is learning or doing something new, no matter what age. The common thread between young and old is the desire to pursue more challenging, interesting, and fulfilling (and ultimately, meaningful) projects, businesses, and lives. Whether it’s starting a new business, taking on new clients, starting a new job, or making a shift in your life: you’re talented creatives at the brink of a new endeavor, a place you find yourself in agains and again as you pick up more new projects.

The struggle with this, however, is that while you’re building something on the side, you also have the real challenge of time constraint and competing interests: you’re split between spending time on your current commitments (from your job(s), to your relationships, your debt, etc).

Burnout is a real issue, too (and one I’ll go into more on later this year and early next in some of my upcoming essays): most people are working really hard, and progress is slow at times. Balancing the need to make the change with making time for self-care is critical. How do you know when to work harder and press on (“Make it work!” says Tim Gunn)–and when to yield, slow, rest, and make space?

What’s holding you back:

What holds you back is complicated–for some it’s self-doubt, low self-esteem, stress, and anxiety. It’s the inside voice, the learned voice, or the narratives of our childhoods that we’ve carried into the present. These psychological hang-ups are real, because they are ours and wind their way through everything we do.

For others, it’s simply too many things: too many conflicting demands, too many projects, too much stuff (literally), and not enough time. For us, it’s about re-learning the power of no, setting boundaries, and clearing out clutter. It’s about making choices that enable freedom–not choices that continue to restrict us.

And for others, it’s the business challenges that are holding us back: we have great ideas, but the first iteration isn’t quite there yet. You can’t find the right clients. You’re not sure how to sell. A whole host of people talked about finding the right clients, connecting with the right people, knowing how to offer and price your services, and discovering how to market yourself and your abilities in the changing work and freelance landscape.

What you want more of (how I can be most helpful):

I’ll have to admit, I was having a bit of a day when I went to my google drive and opened up the survey responses (you know, one of those days when everything breaks, you spill tea across your lap, the recording fails). The fact that 200 people responded blew me away — heart flutters, seriously. I hope you know that YOU ARE WONDERFUL. The responses ranged from silly to tearful to just plain inspiring:

Beyond the threads above–the practical, the tactical, the psychological; people said time and time again that the philosophical undertones and the life lessons really caught their attention. Slow, considerate thoughtfulness and questions about meaning, value, and deeper purpose resonated with most of you across the internet and are a core shared interest in this community.

(And for the person who said I should be elected as a public representative so I can offer a platform of support and encouragement… I do like this idea. Perhaps we’ll build it! Together…)

Upcoming: micro-workshops for freedom, gratitude, and inspiration.

I’m working on a few micro-workshops (two weeks) coming up that will be shorter and more affordable starting later this year. Based both on the overwhelming feedback from the survey responses as well as my one-on-one interactions with folks from Pay What You Can Days and in the Writer’s Workshop, I’m designing a module that will be affordable, sweet, and a beautiful community kick-start into topical themes.

The micro-workshops will be specifically designed for folks who want to up the ante on positivity, encouragement, growth, getting started, and motivation; a digital treats of two weeks around specific topics. The first will be coming out in early December, and the next in January. Mark your calendars and get excited about joining us…

And the book winners!

And the book winners! I’m contacting you by email… because so many responses came in, I’m giving away FOUR copies of the books, not two. This time, folks are winning Money: A Love Story by Kate Northrup, and Die Empty, by Todd Henry.

And because it’s the season of pumpkins (my favorite–possibly because it’s the month of my birthday), followed by a season of gratitude and thanks (also my favorite! Okay fine, I just like holidays and celebrating!) I’ll have a few more books to giveaway in the near future, as well, including a copy of Scott Berkun’s latest book, The Year Without Pants, and Mike Rohde’s book, The Sketchnote Handbook.

And as for my book, by and large the responses leaned towards “Do Something” AND “Manipulate the Monkey Brain,” both tied for first. Apparently “getting started” was less liked. Thanks for the feedback.

Now, to get back to writing that book proposal…

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Who are you? (+ survey + free book giveaway!)

The internet connects us all

The community is growing here!

The community here is growing quite a bit, and it’s exciting to meet many of the new faces becoming part of this tribe of readers. Long-time readers that have been here since the onset might see more and more faces pepper the comments; in addition, I get to work with many of you one-on-one through coaching and the workshops. Yet I’ve been struggling lately to keep up with emails and comments lately (although I still try to read all of them)! This past month alone, we grew again by nearly 20%–adding hundreds of subscribers to the blog, with thousands of people now part of our community.

Thank you for being here. The people I get to meet because of writing online has been incredible.

Your quick help: please take a short survey! (and enter to win a book)

We have hundreds of new faces joining us, and to continue to grow this community and write useful posts, I’d love for your help. Here’s a 2-minute survey that’s quick and easy–tell me a bit about where you are and what you’re working on. It’s anonymous if you’d like to be, but I’ll publish the aggregate results to my newsletter this month and tell you more about the community that’s forming here.

Take the survey, here.

In addition to learning more about you and what you’re working on, I am in the process of writing a book proposal — and I want it to be a book that you’re going to love. I have three pitches I’m crafting at the moment, and I’m refining them. Tell me what you like, and what you’d love to read next.

Take the survey, win a book!

As a thank you to everyone who takes the survey, I’m giving away a copy of two of my favorite new books that I’ve read this past year and absolutely loved. I’ll be sending two lucky readers a copy of one of the following books: Money: A Love Story, by Kate Northrup; or Die Empty: Unleash Your Best Work Everyday, by Todd Henry.

Thanks for being here.

You, on the other side of the internet–you fascinate me. Where did you come from? Where are you reading? What is your life like? Are you working double days in the Philippines, as one woman wrote to me? Are you a mother of two in Australia, teaching your children and learning online from everything you can absorb? Are you the CEO of a large company that manages hundreds of people? Are you a new entrepreneur or post-collegiate twenty-something, looking to find a passion and a purpose in the work that you’re building?

Yes, all of you. Thank you for being here. It’s the connection through the wires that makes the internet so magical.

With gratitude,

sarah signature

 

 

Building a Space and a Voice on the Internet: Is It Time For You to Join In?

To Be A Person Is To Have A Story To Tell
Where are you telling your stories?


This past Monday we kicked off the first Writer’s Workshop with a group of 22 participants from more than a dozen states and countries around the world. I’m so impressed and inspired by the talent and hard work coming from the group already—and we’re just in week one! Writing is a journey into yourself, your ideas, and your memories—and taking the time to create something in words is a beautiful (albeit intensely personal) exercise. Several people have emailed me to ask if I’ll be teaching the course again and the answer right now is more than likely yes! I’ll be teaching the class as a summer session in mid-July, with details for signing up coming in mid-June. Sign up to get notified via weekly blog updates or send me an email if you’d like to join. Speaking of creating… is this something you’re dreaming of doing more of? Keep reading…


Building your voice on the internet: is it time for you to join in?

Have you been thinking about joining the online conversation? Have you been dreaming of starting a blog, website, or writing more?

By far, the most frequent thing I hear in my coaching and teaching is a remark that seems on everyone’s mind:

“I want to start a blog, but I’m not sure where to start.”

“I have an idea, but I’m not sure anyone wants to read it.”

“I have too many ideas, so I end up never writing them down!”

The internet can be an intimidating place—we see people who seem to write effortlessly, and publish often; they have crowds of people gathering and listening, and it seems like that’s something you’ll never get to—so why bother? Should you join in at all?

These are my arguments for why YOU should speak up.

The goal isn’t to have the loudest voice on the internet. It’s to have a voice. Your voice. The internet is a gold-rush right now, as people create content and the connections and communities born are exploding and multiplying faster than Google’s Spiders can crawl them. Should you join the conversation? There’s already enough noise and buzz anyway. What would you have to offer?

The point of writing isn’t that it’s for anyone else, at least not at first. (If your goal is to attract fame and fortune immediately, examine that desire and assumption. What is the deeper root? What are you hoping for?)

Writing and storytelling are about developing a relationship with your voice and ideas; it’s about finding (and practicing) ways of expressing them to yourself and others.

Carve out a home on the internet.

If and when you DO want to connect with others, however, it’s important to carve out your own “home” on the internet. In the world of Google-ability, we are quickly researching each other in order to learn about their skills and talents.

What do people find when they put your name into the Google machine?

The good news is that you can own this answer pretty quickly. If you want to craft three articles on a particular topic that’s interesting or a hobby to you (ideally something you’d like to be known for), you can start a Tumblr, Weebly or a WordPress domain for free or almost free (less than $50, max, if you want to own a domain name and buy a theme) and post three articles under a header with your name and contact information on it. This can be done in as little as four weeks. All of a sudden, when someone types in your name, or better yet—the topics you’ve written about—you can now be found. Your ideas can be known.

Resumes are static, and we’re searching for ideas through our web-maze of online information. Make yourself “findable.” Put your information onto the web so that search engines–and people, and serendipity–can stumble across it. Without putting yourself out there, it’s a lot harder to be found.

I get so many emails from people that say, “I was looking for an article about how to improve my writing, or how to write a thank you note, and I started reading your blog and sat down with you for an hour lastnight. It was so fun to read your thinking. Thank You.” 

By putting my words and ideas into a space where other people can find them–I’ve let myself be found. I can become known for my ideas. If you have an idea and it’s stuck in your head, there isn’t an easy way for anyone to know that you have it. Serendipity comes through connection and collision, and when people can find you and your ideas, possibility sparks.

Now – these interactions didn’t happen right away – I definitely blogged for at least six months with only my mother commenting, gently correcting most of my typos and spelling or grammar errors. My sister discovered Grammar Girl and gleefully pointed out my mistakes as well, which, as a younger sister, I’m sure delighted her. (I then hired her as my editor for my print projects, which probably made her happy as a clam–she got paid to point out all of my mistakes. Oh, life).

Starting small: creating a project, not a life (for now).

The other thing to remember is that some of my favorite websites aren’t by people who show up every week. You might not have the stamina (or the resources) to enter into a writing relationship that’s indefinite in its time frame or scope. In fact, I think that’s a terrible way to start. For people starting a blog, I recommend thinking of it as a “Project” and not a “Indefinite Relationship.” When you commit to a blog and say to yourself that you’re going to write every week for the next two years, the minute you mess up or miss a week, you’ve essentially failed the project. Who wants to be disappointed that they tried something?

The alternative is to create a project that you can do well at, by changing the parameters. Instead of promising an indefinite relationship, drastically reduce it in scope and start with a reasonable project that has a defined ending from the beginning. When you can close a project successfully and complete it, you’re much more likely to continue on to a phase two or phase three of a project, rather than let it taper off into the land of incomplete projects. You also change the feeling relationship you have with yourself—instead of creating an inevitable failure-situation, with resulting disappointments and twangs, putting pressure to show up in a way that might not be reasonable for you because of all of your various commitments–you’re creating a success situation, where you can end the project within a concrete time frame and still be very happy that you did it at all.

I recommend creating a project that says, “I’d like to talk about _[topic]_ in 4 posts, within the next two months.” Give yourself a start time, and end time, and a quantity. Specify a topic. Perhaps you want to blog about four fabulous meals that you cooked and created. Maybe you want to chronicle your science journey behind the lens of a microscope. Maybe you want to document your notes on a new class you’re taking. You could start a Tumblr with your favorite photos of doorways in your quirky city. The possibilities are endless, but you must pick one small one (and only one).

Don’t believe me? Blake Master’s compilations of Peter Thiel’s lectures is one of my favorite sites to read and there’s a fixed (static) amount of content – 13 lectures – accessible indefinitely for those that want to self-teach and read the series. He’s not adding more content. He’s creating great content and sticking it up in a place for people to find it.

What I find with myself–and others–is that if we start too big, we actually fail to start at all. When we dream the big dream of master projects and hundreds of photographs and best-selling books, many people fail to start because the dream is too big. I’m all for big dreams and goals–and relish in them, dance in them, and visualize them–but when it comes to the implementation, start with something small enough to do in a day or a week. Want to write a best-selling book or post? Start by researching your ideas, one at a time, in short posts. You can collect them later. In fact, the short pieces will serve as your building blocks for the bigger pieces.

Almost everyone I know that’s created something big started one, small, tiny step at at time.

Bottom line recommendation? Create a fixed, small project that’s do-able within a time frame of less than 3 months.

What about creating a community? How do you get people to read your stuff?

What is a community, anyways? Traffic is a collection of people “listening” or knowing how to find you and your new internet home. Traffic is built by pointing people, one by one, to the content you’ve created. Without arrows pointing in your direction (and that comes from giving people a way to find you in the form of an email, tweet, verbal share, facebook post, or link from another site as some examples), you won’t have very many people who accidentally stumble across your site. If the content is good, each person that sees it might share it with a few more people, and the site will grow slowly over time.

While I believe you should begin by sharing directly with your immediate colleagues and friends–emailing them to tell them you’ve written something; the absolute best way to grow traffic to a website is to write a guest post or article for a website that already has a built-in community or audience. It’s far easier than trying to coax one person at a time to your site. Scavenge the web for places that accept guest posts in your topic or area of interest, and spend time writing 2-3 posts that could be submitted at these places.

How big should your desired community be? Does it need to be a big community?

Before you jump into needing more traffic, however, I have many thoughts on how big a community needs to be.

The simple truth is that your story is important even if only one person hears it. Even if you’re the one who needed to write the story in the first place. We tell stories and share information to connect with other people, and your experience may mean the world to someone else, even if there are only a handful of people reading the site. Maybe the one person who reads your story desperately needs to hear that there’s someone else in the world like them, and you’re that person. Never underestimate the power of a small audience.

The best way to share your stuff is to think honestly and authentically about the work you’re creating and who you’d like to read it. Then, select a couple of friends and colleagues and send them an email that says, “I just wrote an essay about my experience with ____, and I thought you might find it useful or enjoy reading the story. I’m building my writing craft, and I’d love it if you would take the time to tell me what you think or if you thought the story resonated with you.”

Why traffic is not the same as community.

There’s a bit of pressure to garner a lot of attention and traffic to a website, and I think that only looking at the raw numbers misses the bigger picture. A lot of people get frustrated when their traffic count doesn’t seem as high as they’d like to be. While more can sometimes be better, it’s not (to me at least) about creating a site or a post that millions of people see. It’s about creating a post that resonates with a group of people that want to see what you’re writing about.

When you think about traffic, I believe that you first need to start by understanding your own personal goals. What do you want to achieve? Why is traffic important? What are your aims?

Why are you building your site, and your community? Is it documentation, analysis, understanding, connection? Who do you want to connect with? What are you hoping to achieve?

Does it matter if 20,000 people visit your site or that 2 people “convert”? Conversion is a term that indicates when someone has behaved in a way that you want them to–often measured in sign-ups or purchases. In the case of Landscape Architecture, where I work on projects that have 10-, 20-, or 30-year time frames, many developers and architects are clients that work with us on projects over many years. What this means is that we don’t need hundreds of thousands of people visiting our site (although that’s fine that they do)–our desired conversion (our want, our outcome), is getting the people who visit the site to connect with us and hire us to do incredible urban design projects around the world. If only ten people visited our website–but ten of our right people, developers or architects who want to hire us for multi-million dollar city-design projects or urban landscapes, that would be 100% a win.

For me, on this website, I am intentionally creating a space where first and foremost I get to learn and practice the craft of writing out loud. I simply LOVE storytelling and describing things to people. I enjoy it immensely when people enjoy what I have to say and engage in conversation about ideas or questions that I’ve presented.

I have grown this site by developing relationships with people one by one, and I’ve tried to take the time to answer almost every email that comes my way via this blog. Sometimes it takes me a week or two, and some weeks I have to shutter down and I miss a few – but for the most part, I cherish the interactions that have come from two years of blogging and getting to know people around the world who are interested in similar ideas. I believe strongly (and think we should all remember) that everyone on the other end of these fiber-optic cables is a human person and should be treated as such. Even in my writing, it’s not “my readers,” but lots of individual people forming a relationship with me (or my writing). A relationship involves two people! The more you can connect on a human level, the more you resonate—as a friend, as an author, as a creator, as a business person, as a marketer.

What does success mean for this blog? I started it as a space where I could think (through writing) about particular ideas I love–philosophy, psychology, motivation, storytelling, entrepreneurship and innovation, strategy. It became a place where I could connect (via ideas) to souls around the world who found resonance in what I was saying (and vice versa). I’ve met thousands of people through this blog, taught workshops across the country, found homes to stay in while traveling abroad, and had morning after morning of delightful coffee conversations with hundreds of people who reached out just to say hello.

I’ve built a small side business around this internet home, specifically by teaching writing courses both online and in person, coaching and consulting with people looking for someone to reflect and analyze their ideas or projects, and doing high-intensity work with folks who sign up for the Start Something Project that I built last year. One of the things people ask me for the most is to be their buddy while they build a project, and coach them along the way as they build their first project–I get it. It’s helpful to have someone there who can show you some of the ropes while you figure out what you’re doing. (Don’t worry–I take the training wheels off pretty quickly after one or two calls). But to be fair: I think you can do this all on your own.

Knowing your “right size.”

Interacting one on one, for me, also gives me huge value: I learn what people are working on, I develop new ideas for posts, I have “ah-ha!” moments where I understand how to describe something, and I get better at crafting things that are actually helpful. This post, in fact, is largely born out of a long conversation I had with a recent client developing her own blog and writing practice (thank you, for inspiring this post!).

One of the reasons I’ve been trying to “grow slowly” on the internet is because I want to develop real relationships with people, give myself space to breathe, learn and mess up, and also because it’s not about mass quantity. Do I want to be on the New York Times within the next few years? You bet. Would I like to write stories for the New Yorker? Absolutely. I also know that the best way to get there is not through a magic wand or sudden change, but through showing up, practicing, and moving forward on a consistent basis.

The other fallacy is that you need to have an audience of tens of thousands to make a viable business work. The reality is that the business you’re running might only need a handful of clients or customers. In fact, I might argue that having 10,000 people look at your stuff and only 10 people “convert” is poor efficiency.

To make a business work, you need to offer something of value to people who are interested, want, or need what you’re selling. I believe in business relationships that are highly satisfying to all parties involved—you learn, you grow, you get attention, mentoring, ideas, strategy, advice, review—and I also learn, grow, and cherish the working relationship and enjoy the service that I’m giving. To do my client work, I only work with two or three people a month as my “side hustle,” that is second to my full-time day job. In my recent writing course that I built, I’m not looking for 500 people; I’m looking for a small community of 20-30 writers interested in learning and writing in community.

How many people do you need to reach to make this business work? You don’t need 10,000 readers, you need the right amount of the right people–the ones who find high value in what you’re offering. To develop a community, you need to build the right audience for the product or service that you’re creating.

Perhaps there’s something to developing medium-sized communities or “tribes,” as other people call them. I love and cherish the people that I’m getting to know—and I’m constantly in awe of the talent, ideas, and personalities that cross my radar just because I happen to write stuff on the internet. I thank you.

As You Grow

Things change. As you build a space for yourself on the internet, everything will change, as things tend to do. I’ve always said that the first 1000 people will get a response, and as the community and shape of my work changes, I’ll shift my strategy to create a strategy that’s satisfying and pleasing in service of my best work for the most people that I can reach.

But before “growth” in the numbers or traffic sense comes growth as a person, and growth in your skill sets. Just as I’m trying as a novice in dance class each week, a tall gangly female of all legs who keeps moving in the wrong direction, building a writing practice and a craft takes practice. It’s okay to start small, and it’s okay to have just one essay at a time. Start with the right sized audience and a single essay, and go from there.

Resources I love:

There’s a whole world of amazing people and products on the internet, and you don’t have to start from scratch if you don’t want to. For an investment of $100 to $2000, you can find someone (or a couple of great lessons) to show you what steps to take and how to move forward. $2000 may feel like a lot, but most people who went to college spent about $5000 per class, as a point of reference. I’ve taken probably thirty-odd classes from $25 to several hundred dollars in order to learn more about all of these. (You get to keep the skills you learn, by the way.) Here are some of my favorites:

Enjoy:

  • Jenny Blake’s May Mastermind For Side Hustlers and Solopreneurs–If you’re curious what a mastermind is or how it works, her May “sampler” is a month-long mastermind group that focuses on creating optimized schedules, financial roadmaps, finding your ideal client, and building an action plan for your business. Priced at the ridiculously low $75, she said she’s offering this alternative class as a way for more people to access her programs (and to make it “impossible not to sign up”). Speaking of amazing content, Jenny’s Behind-The-Business blog updates are one of my FAVORITE things to read. She shares her process for building, creating, and all of the nitty details you wish someone would talk about, but rarely do. Not publicized as a blog, it’s probably better than most blog posts.
  • Think Traffic, by Corbett Barr, a website with tricks and tips and ways to build a blog (with traffic–if that’s your goal!). His product, Start A Blog That Matters, has been well-received and I’ve heard rave reviews.
  • Fizzle, another product by Corbett Barr, Caleb Wojcik, and Chase Reeves is an online community of business training and video training for $35 a month ($315 for the year).
  • Anything Danielle LaPorte, but mostly her latest, The Desire Map, as a way to discover your true desired feelings and help create a new way to think about goals and desires.
  • Tara Gentile’s MasterMind Group, 10 Thousand Feet–a coaching and mastermind group to “pull you out of the trenches and give you the big-picture view on your business.” Creator of the ‘New/You Economy’ movement, Tara gives wonderful no-nonsense business advice and I’ve treasured her speaking events and engagements. This one clocks in at her early-bird $1800 price, and it’s a 3-month intensive for people with new/early businesses who want a summer of focused, personalized work to build their work to the next level. Most small-group masterminds are at least $2000 or more, so this one’s a great value for those initiating businesses or in the earlier years.
  • The Live Well Space, by Suzannah Scully–I met Suzannah via Twitter (after a very public swim) and we realized that we were walking down the same street(s) in San Francisco. We both had heard of each other and wanted to know more. After a long and lovely morning laughing with tears streaming down our cheeks, we convened a fast and cherished friendship. Her blog channels yoga + philosophy + movement + strategic wisdom, and the focus of her work is on livingworking, and loving well. Her coaching work builds 3-month relationships with clients to unpack and restructure your life’s focus towards greater clarity and happiness.
  • New Minimalism by Cary Fortin–another soul sister whose creation rocks my socks off — Cary’s work looks at how less clutter and fewer things can bring more freedom and happiness to our lives, but takes the edge off of the extreme nature of many minimalist movements that trends towards absolute nothing. Believing that enjoyment and luxury can also be a part of simplicity and specificity, her new blog is a delicious discovery.
  • Hannah Marcotti’s Community Grace–I’m a few days late in sharing this, but Hannah’s lovely, raw, real community for women has periodic 30-day group sessions for a $49 registration fee to join in learning about blogging, growth, and community-building. I love and admire her work, and think you’ll love her blog if you haven’t seen it already.

My takeaways for you? Build yourself an “internet home,” even if it’s only to enjoy making something by yourself.

I’m biased–I think we should all participate in this new form of community space, this digital world where we can place our creations. If you’re wavering about creating something, let me be clear: I think it’s time for you to join in.

To make it easy on yourself, start small. Pick one topic or project that you’re interested in, and make a small commitment to create a collection of pieces–drawings, ideas, words, notes, stories, essays, paintings, photos, or other–around this topic.

Give yourself a deadline of 3 months or less (ideally one month). And finish it.

What happens? It gives you something to point to. It’s a reference point for the future. It’s a means towards executing your projects. It’s a way to start a conversation. And it’s a way to do the things you’ve been talking (or thinking) about doing.

And best-case scenario? You get to meet a few people along the way who like talking about what you’re doing.

It’s an incredible place. I hope you’ll join in.sarah signature