Tag: health

Stay Tuned

Posted on by Sarah K Peck

There are lots of marketing phrases and cultural habits that we have from the 20th century that no longer make sense in the 21st century. But, because of the ever-turning force of habit, we keep them around.

One of my least favorite sign-offs and marketing phrases is “Stay tuned.”

“Stay tuned” used to be a way to tell people to stay put.

Stay in front of the television while we deliver you more advertising messages, and create a hook for you to want to sit a little bit longer … before we come back.

Stay tuned … while we figure out our next move and return to find you in the same place.

It means: don’t leave, don’t move, don’t forget. It’s a convenience for the marketer, for the advertiser, for the seller. It’s not necessarily a convenience for the listener, the buyer, or the consumer.

Why make people wait? Why do we need people to “stay tuned”?

What can you offer that’s better than a very generic and disappointing “stay tuned”?

What phrases do you find strange and unnecessary cropping up into modern-day messaging and cultural conversation?

Leave a note …

I mean, stay tuned …

Have You Ever Saved Someone’s Life?

Posted on by Sarah K Peck

In high school I worked as a lifeguard and swim instructor. I had a few close encounters — just a few feet from me, below my line of sight, a 6-year old began to drown in four feet of water.

Her toes barely skimmed the floor of the pool, and her arms fluttered up and her mouth popped open. Her face began to panic, and she was there for several seconds before my eye scan circled down the water below me. I saw her, and stood up.

Getting down from the lifeguard stand, getting the red rescue tube off me, and reaching out to her felt like it took ages. She struggled to grab the rescue tube, then grabbed it, and I dragged her to the side. We pulled her out of the pool, she coughed up a bit of water, took a deep breath, and burst into a wail. Her mother came flying down the pool deck. I’m sure it took a while for her to come back to play in the pool again. It took the rest of the day for my heart to stop racing.

I’ve never given mouth-to-mouth, but in the years of swimming, life guarding, and taking water safety, I did pick up a few things about CPR.

There’s a remarkable fact most people don’t know about swimming, drowning, and saving someone’s life.

In lifeguard training, most lifeguards are run through the exercises only a few times—and sometimes only once. You learn CPR and how to put someone on a backboard and drag them out of the pool, and then you become a lifeguard.

The first time I learned this, I was very worried: what if I put them on the backboard wrong? What if I broke their neck as they were getting out of the pool? What if we forgot the order of the chest compressions and the breathing cycles?

It turns out it doesn’t really matter.

The biggest factor that influences whether or not someone will help a stranger is whether or not you believe you know what to do.

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And in order to get people to step up and act, you need to have them practice the behavior at least once. You only need to go through the motions once in order to have enough information to trust yourself enough to take action in the case of an emergency.

That is, people who have gone through emergency training only once are something like 90% more likely to take action in the face of an emergency.

And what saves someone’s life? When someone takes action instead of standing there.

It’s those moments when you see someone face down in a pool and you run over and pull them out and start CPR rather than standing their with your mouth open. It’s seeing a choking victim in a restaurant and pushing up your chair and heading over because you know just enough about the Heimlich maneuver so you do your best version of it until the person spits out their hot dog, and they breathe again. Instead of standing there, helpless, not knowing what to do.

One of the biggest reasons that people don’t get help during robbery or assault events? Everyone believes someone else is already doing something. So, collectively, everyone just stands there.

Doing nothing.

Watching someone die.

So how do we change this? How do we get people to act, and how do we change this occurrence of events?

The most important thing you can do to save lives

The most important thing you can do in lifesaving behavior is to practice doing something just once. It increases your odds of doing the behavior in the future by an exceptional amount. It becomes something you’ve internalized with your brain and body, and therefore you don’t have to think about what you’re going to do. Instead, you get to the business of doing what you’ve already once practiced doing.

Want to save more lives? Take a CPR class, or just google something right now and watch a twenty minute video.

(Note that the latest CPR recommendations don’t even recommend doing mouth-to-mouth, because it’s too much of a deterrent and people won’t actually act; instead, they recommend continuous chest compressions because people will actually do this, rather than stand around. Interlace your fingers, do chest compressions. Rapidly. You might crack a rib. That’s okay. Now you know CPR.)

Want to become a writer? Sit down at your desk, and practice the act of writing. Want to become a musician? Open your mouth and let out a warble.

The first most important step in guaranteeing a future behavior will happen is doing the behavior just once, right now.

When you want to learn how to do something new, the two important things you can do are (1) practice it, and (2) visualize it.

Can’t actually practice something? The next most important thing you can do to change your behavior is visualize it — rehearse it in your mind, in specific detail. I wrote about this previously for 99U:

Visualizing is so important that it’s been proven to change behaviors even when people don’t actively change anything except their mental stories. In a famous basketball study, players were divided into groups that visualized perfect free throws, a second group that practiced their shots, and a placebo group that did nothing. At the end of the study, the players that visualized their perfect throws improved almost as much as the group that practiced—without ever touching a basketball. It’s a practice used by Steve Nash, the all-time leading free-throw shooter in NBA history. (Note that the players weren’t just visualizing being winners, but the specific steps and actions it takes to perfect the free-throw shot, a crucial distinction.)

This doesn’t just apply to emergency events.

If you want to change who you are, and what you do, planning — visualizing — can help.

Changing behaviors: practice once, visualize often.

If you want to exercise more, go through the motions: plan a date on your calendar, make a very specific outcome, and then walk through the behaviors. At home, I’ll put my swimsuit, cap, and goggles into my bag, along with a towel and soaps. I’ll pick up the bag and practice carrying it out the door in the evening before I want to go practice at a new pool. That way, the next day, when I’m tired and worn out, I don’t have to think about the act of packing up—just finding the new pool.

For eating: go to the store when you’re not hungry, and pick out a couple things you’d never eat. Try two or three new things, and just stick them in your basket. This act alone will make you more familiar with them. Or, try a one-off cooking class that shows you how to use new vegetables. Experience breeds familiarity, practice makes easy.

And for your own safety? Try these two practices for yourself. Just once.

Two of the safest things you can do for yourself in your house and while traveling are as follows.

First, for fire safety: take a pad of bright post-it notes and do a walk through your house. Put a sticker on the things that you would need in a fire and what you would want to keep if you were allowed to keep something. Rearrange your stuff so everything with a sticky is all in one place (I have a single bookshelf with my moleskines in one stack and our fire extinguisher in the center of our house so we can grab either and walk out). Walk through your house once and go through the motions of leaving your house.

Second, for airplane safety: when you sit in the exit row of an airplane, read the safety information panel and visualize yourself doing each of the moves. Look at the exit, read the card, imagine turning the giant handle to open the door (it will be heavy, by the way), and then think—where will it go? If you visualize walking through the steps, you’ll actually be very prepared to take action if the time comes and you need to.)

I have now revealed to you how passionate I am about fire safety, water safety, and airplane safety.

When the blues hit, what do you do? Notes on darkness, sadness, and melancholy.

Posted on by Sarah K Peck

What do you do when you get sad?

Sometimes dwelling in darkness can be a helpful, healthy adventure. Other times, too much time in the dark can prompt stagnation and wallowing. How do you know how far to go? When is it too much? When is darkness healthy and when is digging into rumination too much spiraling inwards?

In high school and in college, I dealt with waves of sadness and depression. I learned what it meant to be too tired. Some days, after six hours of swim practice and a full course load of college academics, I would sob myself to sleep. Missing my family, adjusting to life, and the relationship angst that came from dating as a hormonal teenager all added up to a lot of sadness. For me personally, the biggest challenge is when I work too hard and forget to take time to stay emotionally balanced.

Over time, I turned to writing as an outlet — and I learned about emotional resilience. For me, having a bucket of tools to turn to whenever I’m feeling wonky can help alleviate the pressure.

Darkness and the dynamics of holidays

At this time of year, there’s a lot of built-up stress. People can be tired, run-down, and overworked. In addition, the pressure of the year’s end — hitting financial targets, making performance reviews, or not getting your resolutions completed from last year — can make this a dicey emotional time.

Add to that travel, seeing family members, and navigating the politics of in-laws, and you have a recipe for a tricky situation. Throw in a bunch of sugar from too many cinnamon rolls and maybe eating half a gingerbread house (yup, I’ve done that), and I’m sobbing like a 5-year old after too much birthday party.

In short, winter’s darkness coupled with end-of-year stress can be a recipe for bumming yourself out.

What do you do when the blues hit?

Over the past decade, I’m so grateful to have built a repertoire of skills and tools I can use at my disposal when my mood gets the better of me. But the thing about being in the wallows is, sometimes all the advice in your head goes to naught — and you need to ask, yet again, for some good advice.

Emotional resilience isn’t a one-trick pony. Instead, it’s the ability to use multiple tools to help alleviate the stress. For me, I know that if I go for a walk every day, take time to journal, and talk with at least a few good friends every week, I’ll generally feel pretty good.

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I reached out to several friends of mine and asked for advice: what do you do when they blues hit? Here’s what I got back.

I got a surprising number of responses — so I thought I would compile and share them, here, for any of you that stumbles through a melancholy day or two, like me.

“I give myself a set period to wallow in it. Favorite comfort food, retreat from people, think and reflect. Then wake up the next morning and be productive and positive.” — Melinda

“Write a list of specific things I am grateful for in my life.” — Keith

“Close my eyes and go to my happy place! Or actually GO to my happy place. I have several stashed around the area, so I can drive there in a couple hours if need be.” — Heather

“Step outdoors. Listen for birds. Look up. Take a deep breath or two.” — Amy

“80’s hiphop and dancing in front of a mirror, obviously.” — Karen

“Get my body in water somehow (pool, rain, shower, bath). Swing on a swingset. Basically insert myself into an environment different than the day to day — feet continuously off the ground and body in motion is the fastest way I know how to do that.” — Valerie

“Get out and talk to people, and listen to them.” — Bridget

“Do something silly or nice for someone else.” — Lauren

“Run! (The exercise, not fleeing). And run outside!” — Ian

“Going through the self-compassion formula: common humanity, self-kindness, mindfulness.” — Ian

“Listen to music that will make you cry (to let it all out) then something happy to lift you out of that mood. Or skip the first bit, go straight for light-hearted, fun, dynamic, and inspiring tunes.” —Amy

“Exercise and ensure I’m eating well.” — Lee

… Good food, healthy habits, friends to talk to, a good cry, a shower, a way to let off steam… This sounds familiar.

Each of these doesn’t seem like much in and of itself. Sure, I can eat an apple. Maybe a good cry in the shower will help, too. Take myself for a walk? Okay, I’ll do it.

Whatever it is, all the small things — all the small ways you can practice kindness towards yourself — can add up and take the edge off. It’s not one thing that makes a drastic difference, but all these small things that can slowly change my emotional direction.

I’ll add a couple more of my favorites:

Paint, draw, or sing —

Do something creative and expressive, with no pressure on results or outcome. Go sing in a church, sign up for an art class, or pull out some markers and scribble messily and angrily until you laugh your face off.

Hug someone who needs it. —

Compassion and hugs. Give someone a big hug and let the oxytocin out!

Book a massage or a spa date for yourself.

Sometimes your physical body just needs to be touched.

Write in your journal with a snuggly blanket and a good cup of tea.

Whenever I write in my journal, my brain starts to relax. If I take the time to write and reflect in the evenings, I calm down, my energy slows, and I sleep better.

Write letters to friends and people you’re thankful for.

Make a gratitude list.

When you take the time to remind yourself of what you’re grateful for, your brain shifts.

Do “Candle Time”

This is a new habit my husband and I recently started. In addition to turning off our screens late at night (and he’s much better at this than I am; I am still a part-time phone addict) — we’ll turn off all the electric lights in our room and light a bunch of candles for the last hour before bed. We sit in the near darkness and calm down, reflecting, and letting our thoughts unwind.

Go for a long walk.

Walking soothes my brain. Doesn’t matter if it’s cold, dark, or rainy — something about the rhythm of footsteps syncs my brain into a new pattern.

Set your sleep cycle on a more regular pattern.

Cool down your caffeine or alcohol intake — replace it with fizzy water drinks and a splash of lemon, ginger, mint, or honey. Ease up on your adrenals.

Sometimes I’m well past worn out, and my sadness is from being tired. In the evenings I’ll make a spicy cup of tea instead of wine, and in a few days, I start to feel better. (Try this: add a slice of jalapeno, some lemon, and honey to a peppermint tea. I love it!)

Drink green juices and many glasses of water. Hydrate thyself! Hydration can sometimes ease my headaches and sadness in less than an hour.

Still stuck? Still feeling icky?

Talk it out. Find a friend, a therapist, or a coach who will listen to you as you work it out. Words and language and exercise are all ways of moving through our ideas and our stories — our stories change as we give them shape, and talk therapy is a real tool.

When I was too broke for therapy in my graduate school years, I bartered trades and signed up for new coach deals whenever people were looking for new clients. (You can often find new coaches who are starting their business and looking for clients to test tools on, and you can sign up for four sessions to chat at awesome discount prices.)

And if you’re not broke and still need to talk, head over to a new place, take a deep breath, and sign up.

(PS: If it’s a deeper issue and you think you might want to work with a psychologist or therapist, trust yourself. You might be in a spot in your life that could use some professional expertise and TLC. You deserve it, and it’s worth it.) 

What about you? What are your strategies for darker days?

What do you love to do to treat yourself? What are the hidden benefits of sadness, and how do you take care of yourself?

Easy?

Posted on by Sarah K Peck

Shouldn’t it be easy?

An inside look at what it feels like for me:

There are some days when I can’t get out of bed. Some days when I feel so overwhelmed, tired, and disappointed in myself that I don’t know what to do, or where to begin.

The signs I hang up and the pins I post and the words I copy? They are just reminders to myself, first and foremost. I don’t know what I’m doing half the time. Most of the time. I’m just here, trying, just like anyone else.

It’s not easy. “Yoga teacher training,” for example, sounds like an indulgence when I type the letters into my social profiles, cheerily posting about heading off to practice, but the reality of practicing these twenty hours each week is a face-to-face awakening with the mindsets I live with. Each time, I struggle with being too tired, with being scared, and with confronting my “samskaras,” or the past stories and patterns of truth I’ve got imprinted on my brain. I struggle mightily with quieting my mind, and this devil of a mind drives me bat-shit crazy. A lot.

A lot.

Seriously, who writes 20,000 words a week… just to stay sane?

I write to let it out, to maintain my sanity. I’m afraid that I’ll be insane by fifty and mumbling to myself in poverty huddled in a torn jacket in the corner of the subway entrance, and that no one will see me.

None of this is easy.

Here’s the thing, though. It’s not promised to be easy. It’s going to be hard, it’s going to be weird, and there are going to be plenty of days where you’re in a puddle, confused, lost, lonely, or wondering where to go. When I left my job to begin my own company, it was hard—I had to learn (and I’m still learning) new systems, new organization patterns, new habits, how to prioritize—again and again. I had to learn how to work alone. How to be accountable.

The lessons keep coming.

The promise of “easy” is a delusion, sometimes. Is that the point, though? I don’t think any of us, if we really thought about it, said—yes, the only thing I want in this life is the easy stuff. Forget about the rest of it, I’d just like it to be easy.

No, it’s not about the easy. (There is ease, but that’s a different conversation). First, it’s about what you do when it’s not easy. It’s about realizing that even if it’s hard, it can still be beautiful, and you can still make things that matter when you’re tired, lonely, scared, depressed, or bothered.

In the words of my coach, during a particularly arduous sequence of events: “Just f-*king do it.”

“Show me you can do it no matter what.”

This is when you become better than the best. Not when circumstances are perfect. It’s when circumstances are shit and you do it anyways.

Easy?

When did someone sit down and promise you that it was supposed to be easy? Or better yet, fair? It’s not guaranteed to be easy or fair, and the people who get what they want go after it–in spite of and because of–each and every advantage or disadvantage they are thrown.

Sometimes, things are easier than you could have ever imagined–pieces fall into place, the actions a result of agreement finally locking into place in your mind.

Other times, the fight for what you want, what you desire, is harder than you’d ever imagined; it begs you to give up, to stop, to drop. You doubt your desires, you fear the pain. You quiver, you stall. Many give up–no, most give up–and say, you know what? I don’t want it as much as I thought I did. I’m not willing to fight.

But if you want it, if you really, really want it, you’ll make it, you’ll do it, you’ll fight for it.

You’ll keep going even if it’s years of pain and labor, if it’s a fight worth fighting.

You’ll give up the excuses and the hards and tireds and you’ll find a way.

This is when you become better than the best. Not when circumstances are perfect. It’s when circumstances are shit and you do it anyways.

Do it anyway.

What have you done to take care of you?

Posted on by Sarah K Peck

The line between happy and crazy is very thin. The distance between joy and depression is fragile.

A short story.

“What are you doing tonight?” He asked.

“I think I’m going to write, do some yoga, drink some lemon tea, and try to head to bed early–I’m a bit tired.” It had been a long day. Or rather, weekend. I’d been writing nonstop and I stayed up too late trying to do too many things.

He laughed. “A lady who loves working, yoga, and sleep–what a beautiful dork. But honestly, the fact that you love taking care of yourself is kind of a turn-on…”

“No, seriously,” I replied. “I need movement, sleep, and good food to keep me happy. It’s just a short distance to crazy and depressed if I get those things out of whack.”

It’s a dance, he replied. That thin line of health and happiness keeps moving, and we keep dancing with it. Life is change, and we take the tango in stride, learning how to keep ourselves filled with gratitude, joy, and wonder.

Sometimes it’s about the simplest things–getting good food, and good sleep–and that makes all the difference.

Despite knowing this, it consistently amazes me how poorly I take care of myself. I’ll miss workouts in the name of more laptop time, I’ll forgo good sleep, and I’ll pretend that coffee is a substitute for adequate rest.

Sometimes the most difficult thing seems to be taking are of myself.

Our first job is to take care of ourselves. To love ourselves. To nourish and fill ourselves up with healthy food, healthy thoughts, and rest so that we may be of maximum value and service to those around us.

What are you doing to take care of yourself today?

Leave a note in the comments, below, and tell me what you’ll do today!

Bali, bliss, and a big old birthday: taking a life, work, and digital retreat.

Posted on by Sarah K Peck

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 “Do great work, and love–that is the meaning of life.”

Bali, bliss, and a big old birthday.

It all started with a single post in February, 2010.

I had just gotten an extra job as a writer paying $10 per post, and I snapped it up. It was my side project. My writing was terrible. I was paid to give advice to new college graduates on how to navigate the corporate world, and despite being a few years into my own career, I still felt like I didn’t know what I was doing.

I started my blog–a friend set me up on a wordpress site and domain (which I didn’t quite understand). I wrote about not working too hard, how to recover from long work days, staying motivated, and allocating for food costs on measly budgets. I wrote book reviews and interviewed my professional friends in sports medicine, biotech, web design and more–to get their insights on what they’d learned on the job and how they crafted their careers.

Did I know what I was doing with the blog? Nope. No idea.

I just knew I wanted to write. So I wrote, every time I felt like I wanted to write about something.

I probably didn’t hit my stride until well after the first year, and I’m still learning. Each post, each month, and each iteration I continued to refine and hone my writing. I wandered through styles and posts and wrote about topics that felt like I should write about, but that truthfully I didn’t adore. But even though I didn’t know what to write about, I still wrote. I whittled. It got better. I adjusted. I said more about what I was thinking and feeling, less about what I thought people wanted to hear. It got better.

Fast-forward nearly four years later:

I’m celebrating. Big time.

I love (LOVE) what I do. I discovered an incredible connection with the written word, and I write as often as I can. I get to share it in community with other like-minded and incredible souls. I am blown away by the people I’ve met, and I’m so grateful to be a part of this. I celebrate through hard work, through experimentation, through hugs, and through trial-and-error. Tears and laughter are part of the process.

Because I’m celebrating a lot of things in this life right now, I’d love for you to join me in celebrating my birthday, this blog, and the community we share.

When I left my job earlier this year, I left in order to focus on a couple of things: movement (or health in my body), writing, and teaching. In the last few months, I’ve also started my own business, enrolled in yoga teacher training, launched several programs, and taken action on several dreams that had been sidelined for too long.

In order to do this, I saved for five years, paid down big piles of debt; gave up clothes shopping for a year; experimented with minimalism, sewing machines, and free-cycling; worked several side jobs, and hustled to make things work. I sold my car (finally), soaked up and swept up as much knowledge as I could, met incredible souls, friends and teachers, created new things, and built project after project.

Big, sweeping changes have happened alongside smaller, less outwardly-visible changes. Across all of this has been an emphasis on health, healing, and happiness. On mindfulness, movement, and growth.

Beyond the tactical and structural (quitting my job! signing up for yoga! moving! God, it sounds so much easier writing it!), there are also mental shifts changing, aligning, and expanding as I spend time listening and growing.

“You don’t have to be so busy,” the softer voice in my mind reminds me. “It’s okay to pause, reflect, and live inside of this quiet, vibrant stillness.” When I feel things–the sadness, the anger, the fear, the totality of being human–I spend more time resting in it, moving in it, moving through it. We work together, me and my emotions. It’s the human condition.

amber zuckswert teaching yoga in Bali

Amber Zuckswert teaching yoga in Bali.

Birthday bliss: taking a break in Bali.

In the spirit of health and healing, for my 30th birthday–and in honor of the work I’ve done over the past several years–I’m taking a digital sabbatical and sojourning to beautiful Bali paradise with Amy Rachelle and Amber Zuckswert for two weeks of meditation, yoga, reflection, and emotional healing. Bali is known as one of the most healing places in the world, and I’m joining a retreat group that’s focused on learning how to craft raw foods, heal the soul, and engage in mindfulness and meditation practices.

Nearly a decade ago, I started my career in architecture and design and I’ve been working nonstop ever since. For the last few years, I’ve been dreaming of taking a restful vacation–and yet I kept pushing it off. I promised myself that when I hit thirty, I’d take at least a few weeks to rest, recover, and recalibrate.

Beyond just a “vacation,” I’m opening up the mental space (and nooks and crannies!) for a reconsideration and reflection on what I’ve done, who I’ve become, and what I want to build. This marks the beginning of a different year in my life: one that’s less focused on being frenetic and more focused on being present. It’s time to celebrate, reflect, restore, and be fully Sarah–in the present, and in the moment.

I’ll be offline while I’m gone – completely unplugged and digitally unavailable – but in advance, I’ve written a series of essays that are coming out over the next few weeks.

In the spirit of reflection, birthdays, and changing decades:

This week I’ll transition out of the twenty-something decade and into the next decade (Holy smokes! I’m turning 30!). Last year we celebrated by raising $32,398 for charity: water for my 29th birthday, and the year before I wrote 28 in 52 notes, a years’ worth of lessons in one post.

In the spirit of letting things go, moving forward, taking care of yourself, and celebrating the year, here’s my annual birthday post–although I’m sure I’ll have a bigger round-up of notes and thoughts from unplugging in Bali. It can’t be a birthday without a bit of reflection on some of the learnings and highlights from the year. Here’s what I’ve learned (and am always learning):

Going pro, turning 30, and the biggest lessons from this year.

Place a lot of bets.

Try a lot of things. A year is a long time, and five years is a great amount of time to make more than just one thing happen. You can work a side hustle on the side of your day gig in a few minutes a day–write one page every other day and see what happens in a couple of months. Throw your work into the ring, and keep making your work. Try one connection or conference, and another. Don’t put all your money on one thing if you’re just starting. Get started, and test out a few things.

Be modular.

Build in iterative, successive capacities. Try things until something works, then adjust it so it works better. Put it out there. Keep going.

Do not work in isolation.

Seek feedback.

Ask for help.

Ask for everything. The more you ask, the more you get.

You don’t have to do what anyone else does.

You can do things no one has done before, you can be weird, you can be strange, and you can decide to do it differently than anything you’ve seen before. Be aware of the sheep mentality. Ask for exceptions. Modify the program to fit your needs. Learn about yourself, and make it better so you get better.

Take care of yourself.

You are the only one who can take care, and those small things—like going to sleep early, giving hugs, smiling, eating good food? They mean the world. Take very good care of yourself.

When you get better, the world benefits.

It’s not selfish.

The more you push, the more resistance there might be. Do it anyway.

The ego yells a lot of loud and scary things at you when you’re heading into moments of insight and brilliance. The more brilliantly you shine, the louder your ego–the voice that wants you to worry, to stay comfortable, to stay the same, to do things that feel safe–the louder it shouts. Listen to it like the dull roar of a stadium filled with fans, and not the shouty-shout voice it’s trying to be.

It really can be wonderful.

Be you.

“Be Sarah,” I write on my wall. (Thank you, Gretchen Rubin for the reminder to “Be Gretchen.”) Be you. “There’s nobody you-er than you,” says Doctor Seuss. Let yourself be you, deliciously and deliriously you. And the more YOU you are, the more wonder there is.

We all have self-doubts, demons, and critics.

And we all have stories. The person across from you is holding pain, hurt, and fear just like you are. We’ve all got something. Be kind and generous with their soul, and kind and generous with your own. Cradle your heart in the softness of the hammock of your ribs. Let it rest, fully, in the feeling of a breathe. Fill your lungs with love for you and the world around you, despite the pain.

Give up on dreams that you’ve tried on or dreams that you realize aren’t yours.

It’s not giving up if you don’t want it. For the longest time I had a dream to run a marathon by age 30–until I realized that I loved swimming, singing, dancing and yoga far, far more than running. And picturing myself at the end of a marathon just made me feel tired, not thrilled or excited. So sweep! I let that dream head on out the door. It wasn’t mine–it was just visiting. Finish it or punt. Know when to quit.

You don’t have to know how to explain yourself perfectly.

You can use as many words as you like, and you can screw up many times. It’s all fine. Start somewhere, tell a little story, and bit by bit we’ll get the picture.

Stories are how we understand and see the world.

We use stories to understand complex phenomenon and hang onto information. Watch, study, and listen carefully to the stories you’ve programmed in your brain and the stories you tell yourself about who you are. Changing the stories you tell yourself (through visualization, practice, and manifestation) can be incredibly powerful.

If it’s too big to do, make it smaller.

Seeing is an art, a study.

We’re designed to throw away most of the stimulus we receive because it’s too much to comprehend—we’re constantly simplifying things in our mind in order to understand them. The challenge of writing and of art is to learn how to see the world around us anew. If you want to learn how something works or how its made and marvel at it, try to draw it. Pull out a pen or pencil, a sheet of paper, and practice mapping the object onto the page. Rather than say that it’s impossible, or say that you’re terrible at drawing, study why you drew what you did. This is your brain schema, at work. This is the translation of space in the world into products in your hand. Keep practicing. Fix the little wiggles. Notice when you make a simple curve instead of the parabolic curves of the real thing.

Good is the enemy of the great.

(From Jim Collins): Iterate towards great, but also remember that complacency, comfort, and “good enough” are some of the most insidious enemies of making great work.

Being comfortable is not my end goal.

There’s so much joy on the other side of myriad discomforts: freedom, expression, learning, connection – many of these things can come after a bit of leaning into your edge. Yoga poses unlock freedom despite various levels of discomfort held in our joints. The payoff is expansion, self-awareness, reducing pain, and freedom. It’s worth it.

At the same time, understand when you’re pushing too hard, and when to yield to the universe.

When to soften, because the things will arrive in their good time. When to yield to grace, and move without force. Leaning into discomfort is not the same thing as pushing forcefully into all arenas.

Healing, health, and care are critical.

We all work too hard. It’s not about hustling indefinitely, although many folks hustle for decades before getting a break–it’s also about taking the time to heal yourself, help yourself, and be kind to yourself in the present moment. Health is critical. In my pursuit of projects, I’ve often sacrificed wellness in the aim to create great works. I’m softening this, and attempting to learn how to receive rest and healing even amidst the busy-ness.

And when I get back…

When I return, I’ll be hosting a micro-workshop focused on cultivating gratitude and grace in your spirit, life, and daily practices. It will begin on December 1st, and I’ll share the full details when I return. If you’re looking for inspiration to reflect, restore, and to practice more grace and gratitude in your lives, I encourage you to check back in late November for how to join the workshop. It will be delightful.

And as my birthday present:

By the time this post goes live, I’ll be curled up into a sleeping position with my jammies and my hat in an airplane heading forward in time to my destination. I’d love to hear from you while I’m gone, however, in the comments: share with me something–a gift, joy, or grace–that you’re giving to yourself of someone else this week.

How are you taking care of yourself? What gifts of grace can you give to yourself? What does healing look like for you?

With big internet hugs,

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How do you find the people that are right for you? Hint: it’s all about energy.

Posted on by Sarah K Peck

PeopleFactor_Sketch_SarahPeck 07-2011

Two years ago, I met Todd Henry at South by South West, and we got to walking and chatting between throngs of crowded sidewalks and the craziness of tech events. While walking, I remember him clearly outlining his ideas, his creative process, and his vision for the projects that were coming next. I’m so excited because today, September 26th, his next book, “Die Empty,” is finally live, and it’s all about creating your best work in the world. I’ll be doing a full review of the book in the coming weeks, but for now I wanted to share a gem that I previously shared with Accidental Creative–and it’s all about energy, people, and matching up personalities. 

The people factor: it’s all about energy.

Ever been at a party and felt like you were completely exhausted? That you couldn’t stand to keep your eyes open for another minute, even though it was supposed to be an amazing party?

Likewise, have you ever stayed up almost all night, focused and driven, surrounded by brilliant people and creative ideas?

Energy comes in limited quantities. It is finite, it waxes and wanes, and it grows or diminishes based on what you are doing and who you are surrounded with. What dictates our energy? How do we capture these spaces that help us be amazing, and remove the events and things that deplete our energy?

There are people, places and things that make me feel like I’m building my energy stores, that rejuvenate me, and help me to do my best work. Likewise, there are also people and places that zap my energy; that leave me exhausted; that make me feel as though I’ve waste my time and my energy – and my day – without getting anything useful done.

While brainstorming in a coffee shop with a dear friend, we both asked each other how to deal with these different personality types as they come into our lives. People are exceptional – they are our number one resource – but not all people are helpful at any given project or time.

How do you make decisions about how you spend your time – and who you hang out with? And more importantly, how do you say no to people and things that zap your energy reserves?

Together, we made a map of the different types of people in our lives, and agreed that we would consciously try to say no to hanging out with people that didn’t help us in our long-term goals – or in our energy management.

This system isn’t just about eliminating “Negative Nancys” and “Debbie Downers” (although every effort should be made to reduce their presence in your life, and to come up with phrases that don’t disparage the great Nancy’s and Debbie’s in the world!).

Understanding how people affect you means that you can do a better job matching what you need at any given moment to what your energy requires. Sometimes I don’t need to be around excited people. Sometimes I just need another balanced philosopher to do and create my best work.

And sometimes I need to be more judicious about reducing the time I spend with people who don’t match my energy.

On the energy spectrum, here are the ranges of personality types – from high, positive energy, to balanced and stable individuals, to strong negative energy.

Do you identify with any of the following energy personality types? How do you bring these different personas into your world? And do you pay attention to how people make you feel?

The Positives

  • Buzzers. These are my excited electrons. People who are so thrilled to be around other people and in the world, talking with them is like getting a burst of inspiration. When I wake up in the morning, a phone call with them is better than coffee. They are my muses, my inspirations, my creatives. Like coffee, however, I can’t drink it nonstop each day – so they are better in quantifiable bursts.
  • Happys. Generally positive, seem to be happy almost all the time. People you would skip with, laugh with, enjoy being with. I have lots of these in my life. They aren’t as physically excited as the Buzzers, but they are generally happy and have a positive attitude about most things.
  • Wonder Listeners. People who can hear what you are saying without you saying it; who seem to listen to you with both their bodies and their ears, and who exude a positive radiance without necessarily saying or doing anything, are your Wonder Listeners. After hanging out with one of these, I leave feeling happy, excited, and inspired.
  • Coaches and Mentors. These are people who seem to have endless stores of hope and inspiration designed just for you. People who are genuinely interested in what you have to offer and how you are doing. The coaches and mentors are usually a check-in, once a week or once a month, and they offer their advice and wisdom to you in their interactions.

The Middle Balance (Balancers and Grounders)

  • Quiet Stabilizers. People who are refreshing, rejuvenating, and inspiring without being showy or ostentatious. Someone you can sit quietly in a park with, without talking very much, and leave happier. These people don’t toot their own horn, and likely don’t know how cool they are. Yet being around them is satiating, relaxing, restorative.
  • Feedbacks. People who tell you what you need to hear, not necessarily what you want to hear. These people can be mistakenly labeled as negatives, but they still have your best interests in heart and are actually looking out for you in the long run. They come from a place of love. Keep them around, but note the times when you aren’t up for receiving feedback and need encouragement instead – and seek them out when you need smart advice.
  • The Strugglers and Changers. There are people who are struggling, working towards change, and are sometimes frustrated or caught in-betweens. They are on their way towards becoming the person they want to be, and conversations with them are raw, open, inspiring, hard, and generally variable. These are my strongest friends, the people who open my eyes and listen to my shared experiences as well. We learn well together. To note, however, sometimes I don’t have enough energy to devote to these conversations, and it’s best to say no or time this date for when I have enough energy or bandwidth to devote.

Negatives

  • The Repetitives and Non-Changers. People who are stuck in a problem that you’ve listened to for years. Their complaints are the same, over and over again, and they don’t bring anything new to the table. Each time, it feels like you’re stuck in déjà-vu, because you’re still talking about how to deal with their terrible relationships, bad work situation, or general malaise. To deal with these types, tell them, politely and firmly, that you don’t want to talk about their ____ problem anymore. “I appreciate all the struggles you are having with your job situation, but I’d like to not talk about that anymore. I know you are working hard on it. Let’s focus and talk about new things when we meet.” Sometimes by setting a clear boundary about your relationship and expectations even helps the other person by not letting them use you as a place to rehash the rut–and encourages them to take action.
  • The Fakes. There are people who masquerade as positives – the words they use are cheery, they tell you what they think you want to hear; they quote inspirational things and bits. But the substance is not there. And, more importantly, (and this is critical) you are not rejuvenated by the words or the ideas in the way you are around Quiet Wonders or Listeners or Buzzers. Some people are obviously fake; others not so obviously. At the end of the day, what’s most important is how you respond when you’re around them.
  • Negative Influences. There are people who are wonderful, interesting, bright, and creative. And yet, for some reason, I am negatively influenced when I am around them. It’s not that they themselves are bad people – it’s that I make bad choices when I’m around them. For some reason or another, hanging out with them is not conducive to my success. These are the trickiest people to identify, because there’s nothing about them that’s bad or easy to rationalize avoiding. It’s how they influence you that tells you about whether or not it’s a good person to have in your life. If your number one goal or dream at the moment is do ____, and being around this person actually hinders your ability to do this (and possibly even makes it harder for you to do in the future, as well), you have to make a choice about your priorities.
  • Toxic. These are the people who make you feel like shutting down when you’re around them. The people that drain you, that zap your energy, that are filled with negativity and cutting remarks. Most of us quickly eliminate these people from our lives after just a few interactions. They are easy to spot and identify. If you still have them around, ask yourself why? What do you benefit from being with a toxic person?

Remember: in each of these scenarios, it’s not about whether the person on the other end is inherently a good or bad person–the most important thing is how each of these personality types make you feel.

It’s not about whether or not the person is a good or bad person – it’s about whether or not they are the right energy type for you.

It’s important to note that not all people can fit neatly into each of these categories – often the dynamic relationships we have with others changes depending on who is interacting and what the objectives are. Sometimes my friends are Buzzing-happy, and other times they are balanced-stabilizers.

Defining these personalities – and how you feel when you’re around different types of energy – has helped me in understanding why I leave feeling out of sorts from some interaction. In turn, it helps me decide what to do – and who I choose to spend time with – in the future.

Relationships matter. Pay attention to how the people around you are making you feel.

Which is your favorite personality type to be around?

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This was originally published on Accidental Creative in 2011. Check out Todd’s newly released book, “Die Empty,” out September 26th, 2013.

Just One

Posted on by Sarah K Peck

What would just one of something look like?

Not a diversity of items, but a simplicity of things. A specificity, a selection, and a deliberate choice between several?

Not three workout programs, but just one workout program.
Not seven yoga mats or towels, but just one.
Not eight new dresses or blouses, but just one. Your favorite one.
Not two sets of bedding, but just one.
Not four new books, but just one.
Not three bedrooms, but just one bedroom.
Not two cars, but just one car.
Instead of two sets of tablewear, just one set.
Instead of eight dreams, just one dream to work on.

Sometimes I get caught in the trap of needing more. I have a brown pair of boots, but now I need a black one. I have a black pair, but now I need a tan one. And I need a pair of rain boots. Four pairs of boots? Do I need four pairs of boots?

What would just one look like?

[Or none at all?]

Let’s Go For A Walk and Talk: Experiments in a Creative Series.

Posted on by Sarah K Peck

Point Reyes, California. Photo by Sarah Peck

“Modern literary theory sees a similarity between walking and writing that I find persuasive: words inscribe a text in the same way that a walk inscribes space. In The Practice of Everyday Life, Michel de Certeau writes, ‘The act of walking … is a process of appropriation of the topographical system on the part of the pedestrian, it is a special acting-out of the place … and it implies relations among differentiated positions.’ I think this is a fancy way of saying that writing is one way of making the world our own, and walking is another.”

— Geoff Nicholson, The Lost Art Of Walking.

Walking is critical to thinking, yet we are an increasingly sedentary society. Let’s move, think, wander. There is language and brilliance in movement, in walking and exploring. 

Or, perhaps as Austin Kleon says: “You are a mashup of what you let into your life.”

This past year, I designed an event series around spending time walking and talking with a small group of people in San Francisco (and expanded to Boulder, Colorado for a special session with the Bold Academy). The purpose of the Walk + Talk series was to explore different conversations and new spaces, as well as to test an idea that I’d been mulling over for some time: That walking (and movement) are critical to thinking, and that a walk can enable more vulnerable and in-depth conversations in ways that sitting and talking don’t always do.

For each event, I put together a set of ideas loosely related to a particular topic (with suggested readings and prompt questions), but certainly allowed for people to be free to wander off point and engage in their own imaginations.

Over the past dozen events, there have been several emerging themes and realizations. There are several reasons why walking is conducive to better thinking, from the positioning of our bodies in space, the the idea of a destination, to the elevation of our heart rates to 100-110 beats per minute. When you design scenarios that enable trust–and walking with friends can be designed to create a space of safety and exploration–the ideas and innovations and possibilities that result can be astounding. And sometimes, you just need to walk it out. Just as the peripatetic philosophers did years ago, let’s engage in a short walk and ask good, hard, interesting questions.

I believe in the importance of conversation and wandering and connectivity, and I’m exploring a theory that movement is essential for unlocking the thinking in our minds. I also want to create a space for respectful, fearless conversations, idea exchange, and explorations. Particularly or equally important was the group curation–I invited minds that I admired, thought leaders and people willing to be vulnerable and inquisitive; and kept the size small enough to create space for long-form conversation.

The fact that we’re creating a small but growing group of philosopher-wanderers who gather to muse about the future of the world, modern issues, and other topics at hand makes me incredibly excited. Each walk, a new theme is put forward, with suggested reading passed around in the group.

If you’re in San Francisco, ask about next event or email me to find out more–I tend to keep the groups very small, so space is limited.  The idea, however, is free. Walking and talking are inherently human activities and no one owns them, and I’ll be posting the reading sets for people to borrow on this website (please, take them!). If you find more readings or articles related to movement, thinking and consciousness, please send them my way. The world needs more walkers and philosophers. (And as a bonus: if you come up with your own reading set, send it my way and I’ll use it for a future group). 

Thoughts and musings for the afternoon:

  • How often do you take a walk?
  • Are you a solitary walker or a group walker?
  • When do you do your best imagining and thinking?
  • Is thought and movement related? How is movement important (and critical) for innovation and creativity?
  • Do you wander in places that are familiar or unfamiliar?

“It’s not about where an adventure ends, because that’s not what an adventure is about. Let’s get going.” – Matt Damon (In the movie “We Bought A Zoo”).

Tell me your story in the comments! I’ll be writing more on movement and consciousness in several future posts, and I’d love to hear from you.

What’s On Your Mind?

Posted on by Sarah K Peck

“We’re not here, for that long, anyway. But to spend almost half our time lost in thought, and for the most part unhappy at that–well that’s pretty tragic, isn’t it?”

— Andy Puddicombe

How does your mind work? What brought you here? What patterns occupy your thoughts and recur, repeatedly?

Andy Puddicombe talks about the power of meditation and how beneficial it is for each of us to stop for ten minutes each day  and simply to look at how our mind is working. (The link takes you to a 9-minute TED talk).

When you stop and look at your thoughts, he asks, do you notice–

  • That you’re dwelling and ruminating on one particular, circling, repeating thought?
  • That you’re reinforcing certain story lines and patterns of mind?
  • That your mind is restless and agitated?
  • That your mind is dull, boring, or mechanical?
  • That you have a nagging thought that comes around and around?

How does your mind work, anyways?

The point of mindfulness isn’t judgment or instantaneous change, but rather, an awareness of what is actually happening in your mind, without judgment. It’s familiarity with the present moment, and an awareness of how, in fact, your mind is working.

Sometimes in order to know what’s on your mind, you have to slow down and take a look at that very mind. What’s in it?

Enjoy,

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