Should You Call A Pregnant Woman Fat?

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I snorted when a book I was reading admonished against telling a pregnant woman she was “fat.” Yes, of course. That’s probably a bad call. Instead, however, it recommended that rather than the word “fat,” you kindly refer to the additional weight gain as “Maternal Storage Tissue.”

Because yes, that’s what every woman wants to hear.

“Damn, your maternal storage tissue is looking finnnneee.”

No thank you.

My body is getting bigger, and I think it’s beautiful.

Women gain 25 to 35 pounds (according to American standards, and for many woman, it can vary even more) for each pregnancy. The weight is divided up into different places: our blood volume nearly doubles, we carry more fluid (both inside our uterus as amniotic fluid as well as throughout our bodies), we create an entirely new organ from scratch (the placenta), and we build a human being (who weighs roughly 7-8 pounds, again with variation depending on your kid).

Also, our breasts swell up quite a bit – they can double in size in the first part of pregnancy, and then double again once you deliver your baby and if you begin breastfeeding. I keep buying new undergarments online because I keep outgrowing them! (One downside is that no, retargeted advertising, I do not need to see pictures of underwear all over the place while I’m working during the day.)

In addition to this fluid and human gain, we also gain fat storage deposits. Beautiful, gorgeous, lovely lady lumps.

I weigh myself each week (top of the morning, after my morning pee), to get a reading on how my body is changing from a mass standpoint. What surprises me, however, is how everything is shifting and changing beyond just my belly and boobs (my “front bumps,” as I like to joke).

I pulled on an old pair of jeans to see how they would fare if I left the top unbuttoned — there’s a fancy pregnancy trick where you can loop the top button together with a hairband or rubber band to make your pants fit longer) — but surprisingly, it wasn’t my belly that caused them to feel tight. I got them up about mid-thigh, and my jeans said NOPE, not going to happen.

Apparently my thighs are building out some maternal storage tissue and my tush is also starting to gain a bit of weight.

Here we go, mama.

Another area that surprises me is the bottom of my bra line — where the bottom of a sports bra hits, or where the bra clasps together. I thought that my rib cage would stay fairly consistent in size, even if my belly and breasts swelled outwards. Apparently, however, as a baby grows inside of you, your stomach gets pushed upwards and your rib cage can expand outwards to accommodate the extra space. Bras that have a single-fasten strap or a fixed elastic band no longer fit, because I’m bigger around… everywhere.

When I’ve watched friends go through pregnancies in the past, I watch them in the year before the birth and in the year after. Everyone seems to swell beautifully throughout the year, rising in size and shape, putting it on in different places, each body accommodating the changes in their own ways.

These teachers also show me the rhythm of the slow decrescendo post-birth; bodies taking three, six, nine months to gradually come back to a form of strength and shape that is similar, but not necessarily exactly the same, as before. The plump middle is a gorgeous time of ripening, exactly as it’s meant to be.

What I was surprised to discover, is that the maternal storage tissue is not just for the pregnancy: it is our way to provide food for the baby after it’s born.

It’s not just the pregnancy part of childbirth that needs you to add weight to your body. It’s the need to provide food and fuel for a rapidly growing human that causes our bodies to pack on pounds like we’re about to hibernate for a year. We are the primary food and fuel resource for a brand-new infant, and we need to be prepared accordingly.

Why is a baby born at nine months? By most accounts, humans are born “too early,” to survive outside of the womb. Conventional wisdom (and science) holds that if babies stuck around inside for longer, they would get too big, and we wouldn’t be able to get them out through the narrow hips and size of the birth canal.

Yet more recent scientific theories speculate that the 9-month gestation period for human babies is cut short at nine months not because of the size of the head and the brain, but because of the metabolic needs of the fetus and the mother.

This theory suggests that hip width might not be the limiting factor. We might be giving birth to babies at this early stage because if the fetus stayed in the mother any longer, the mother would no longer be able to provide food/energy at a fast enough rate. That is, the metabolic function of the mom’s body reaches a peak point where she can no longer digest and provide enough nutrients for both her body and the fetus.

(Anecdotally, I know that I am already constantly hungry, and eat all the time. I wake up and eat in the middle of the night, I eat constantly throughout the day, and I still feel a sense of hunger even when I would normally be very full.)

Beyond the anecdote, however, this made me realize that much of the job of the mom in the first 3 months of an infant’s life (and really, the first 6 to 9 months, or whenever they start eating solid foods on their own) is to provide an unlimited source of fuel and energy for their offspring.

Unlimited source of fuel for a baby that’s going to grow rapidly.

Hence the packing on of pounds earlier on in pregnancy, before the baby gets bigger.

Maternal storage tissue.

It all makes sense.

(I got your back, kid.)

The Best Pregnancy Things (Clothes, Tools, Tips) I’ve Found So Far

I knew I had to dig in and actually buy some maternity pants when I could no longer hike my yoga pants up any higher. With my old pants, I either gave myself significant camel toe (not attractive), or I ended up with a thick elastic imprint around my waist (not comfortable), or both.

More often, it was both.

Since my belly was going to continue to expand, and this wasn’t a case of “if I sleep 12 hours tonight, drink a lot of water and take a good morning poop, I’ll fit back into my jeans,” I realized it was probably time to buy some maternity clothes.

In retrospect, I don’t know why I was so reluctant — maternity jeans are THE BEST! Having clothes that fit, and are comfy, stretchy, and yet supportive is a wonderful feeling. When your body changes, find, borrow, or buy new clothes that make you feel great. It’s really challenging to feel good about yourself when you feel like crap in what you’re wearing.

(My friends who are not pregnant yet keep asking me to write everything down and record it for them, so these posts are for you!)

Here’s what I’ve found so far that I adore.

Maternity Pants

Maternity pants are actually not that fussy! They’re actually wonderful. Lots of pants nowadays look like regular jeans, but they have more stretch in them and come with an elastic waistband. I’m not a regular J.Crew shopper, but was surprised to find that they carry maternity clothes that come in tall sizes (win!). These jeans in dark denim in tall are perfect for people 5’10” and fit like skinny leggings. But look like jeans.

The Belly Fit Jacket Extender

My mother sourced this brilliant creation. Instead of buying new jackets to cover up your bump in the freezing winter, buy a jacket extender! It takes some finagling to find all the right zipper information (what’s a coil?), but your existing jacket should have zipper identity numbers on it and you can buy a jacket extender that’ll take your favorite winter coat and make it fit your belly — and your baby, once it arrives!

Belly Band

There are a number of options for $10-$15, but I found the reviews for the Bellaband to be the best and spent $28 on this Belly Band. It’s long enough to go over the top of your belly and tuck in below pants for a little extra comfort and smoothing out, and you can fold it down over your jeans if you’re just shifting sizes. I have some hip and pelvis separation happening, and having an extra band wrapped around my hips has been a relief throughout the day.

Maternity Shirts and Tanks Tops

These extra-long tanks and these short-sleeve shirred tops by Liz Lange for Target Maternity have been the perfect $10 top. Super soft, comfortable, easy to wear. (Hat tip to Kate Northrup, who shared these with me!)

Giant Underwear

Stay with me here. I got a great recommendation to buy underwear two sizes too big, and it has been one of the best things ever. Buy those low-rise hipster panties (I love Hanes cotton underwear for about a dollar each on Amazon), and buy them two (or three!) sizes too big. They will look absolutely gigantic on your bed when you take them out of the package and you will giggle and wonder how they will fit without falling off. Somehow they will fit like a dream, and your booty, belly, and expanding thighs will sigh with glorious thanks.

Storq!

While the clothing is a little expensive for me (socks and underwear at $34 a pop each? I’ll spring for the dollar kind), I splurged on the dress and leggings and they are divine. I appreciate their philosophy that simpler is better, and you only need one dress and one pair of pants to make it through your pregnancy stylish and comfortable. They are biased towards tall, athletic or more slender body types, however, and I find the pants to be a little thin (in between leggings and tights) — if you’re looking for structural support or you have a sturdier, shorter body, these could be annoying. (As a tall lady, I’m grateful for long pants!)

A Body Pillow

It takes up a lot of space in the bed, but it is also a divine luxury. As sleep becomes harder to come by, and your body harder to lug around (or lie down at all), having support all around you is wonderful. I’m using a borrowed pillow from a friend (somewhat like this), because you only need it for the later months of pregnancy, and I believe we’re passing the pillow around from friend to friend as one lady after another gets pregnant. In New York, space is very hard to come by, and storing a giant pillow is not something many people want to do.

Earplugs and a Great Eye Mask

They say that snoring is a side effect of pregnancy, and by month 4, I was not only snoring, but I actually snore myself awake now. Hence the earplugs — I get up enough to pee as it is, no need to keep waking up just to hear myself snore.

An Empty Plastic Bucket That Is Super Easy To Clean

I had some bad bouts of morning (and night) sickness, and would often be sick by the end of the day. Many of my dinners didn’t stay very long in my body. Sometimes I’d wake up in the middle of the night and continue the sickness. (It sucks.) One thing that helped us was keeping a small plastic bucket by the bed.

We learned quickly that not making it to the bathroom or the kitchen sink was messy to clean up, and short bucket made it easy to clean.* (I’ll probably write a lot more on morning sickness and how I dealt with it in another post.) For now, an easy-to-clean bucket. And a husband or partner that will help you clean it out. I am so grateful to Alex, who said that if I could handle the vomiting part and growing a human, he’d do the duty of cleaning up after me. When I told him how much I appreciated it, he shrugged and said, “it’s gonna be this and then poopy diapers, right?”

*Alex, upon reading this post, said it might be worth mentioning that he got these aforementioned skills while in college, learning the value of an easy-to-clean bucket after a little too much of the boozy beverages. College, preparing you for parenting in more ways than you know…

A White Noise Maker That’s Also A Humifier

We use The Wirecutter and The Sweet Home for recommendations and they’ve consistently recommended this humidifier. We got it and it’s easy to use and clean, just need to replace the filter ($12) every now and again. Because of all the dryness of winter air and the fact that pregnancy hormones can clog up your nose and dry out your sinuses, humidity is very useful.

With regards to birthing and parenting advice:

The best advice I’ve received so far about planning ahead for birthing, parenting and setting up a nursery is this:

First, don’t buy that much stuff for the baby in advance

You don’t need a ton of things, and every baby will be different. In some cultures, it’s considered bad luck to buy things before the baby is born. (In American culture, we custom-design fancy nursery rooms for each new baby.) We’re of a more minimalist sensibility, and want to buy just enough, but not a million things. Almost everyone I’ve spoken with says it’s easy to drown in stuff, buy too much, and go crazy. The baby doesn’t need as much as we buy for it.

You won’t know how big your baby is going to be either, so if you can, don’t go crazy on clothes. My mom told me that none of us fit in the infant-sized clothes, so if we did get things, start with 3-6 months sizing and go up.

That said, a few shopping trips here and there really woke us up to the reality of what we’re doing, and opened up conversations about who we want to be and what we want in our family.

Try not to turn the pregnancy into (too big of) a research project

My friend Lindsay offered one piece of advice that I loved: “The birth will last you ten, twenty hours or so. Parenting will last forever. Right now you have time to read and explore. Read more about parenting than birthing!” I LOVE this advice and reminder.

Lastly: have people around for moral support

I still think our hyper-connected world still misses out on deeper connections, and my energy in New York is focused on developing closer, more meaningful relationships with people I love.

There is no substitute for having good conversations with pregnant ladies a few months ahead of you for timeline logistics of when to do stuff. Ditto for having conversations with ladies several years ahead of you for moral support and cute pictures and reminders of why we’re doing this and that it’s worth it.