Tag: positivity

What Questions Are You Asking? (Three Questions For Reconnection)

Posted on by Sarah K Peck

We are the questions we ask.

We are the way we inquire, curiously, about the world we work in.

As I was going through what was (for me), a difficult pregnancy, I looked to my partner and asked, time and time again:

“How do I make it through this?” 

It’s hard to believe now, but there were moments when I didn’t know whether it was worth it. I can go back and tell myself clearly now that yes, it’s absolutely worth it.

But then? Then, it was so hard.

How could I connect what I was doing in my body, what I was feeling, to what was coming ahead of me? 

And in his own frustration, he asked me,

“Well is there anything that you ARE excited about?” 

I realized that some of the worry, the stress, and the negativity — it was consuming me. It was becoming always. Everywhere.

We paused.

And began a simple ritual. A pattern of questions, each night, to help guide our minds towards the positive reflection, even amidst the challenges of near-constant vomiting.

#1: What was the best part of your day?

We whispered the questions to each other at night, just before drifting off into dreamland.

I’d have my pillows piled high under my knees and thighs, a body pillow wrapped around me to prop me up.

What are the moments that went right? What were the good pieces and the good bits?

And we’d look. We’d look hard, we’d look slowly, we’d find, we’d savor, we’d discover. Amidst the pain of it all, we’d find something. A sliver, a thread, a joy. 

#2: What are you grateful for?

We’d make a list of things that we were grateful for. 

I’m grateful that my body is working. I’m grateful that this is all working. I’m grateful that you’re here, even if I’m vomiting, and we get to clean up this mess together. I’m grateful I have a job.

Hope lifted upwards, wrapping me in its hug.

#3 What are you looking forward to about this?

In this case, “this” was the future arrival of our baby boy. Each night, we’d mention something we were looking forward to. Something in our hopes and dreams about this baby we were making.

This baby that was taking my energy, my body, my shape, my memory, my sleep. 

I’m looking forward to hearing him cry for the first time.

I’m looking forward to taking him on bike rides.

I can’t wait to hold his hand and feel his tiny fingers and toes.

I’m looking forward to discovering how he sees the world.

Through these questions of reflection, we’d connect.

We’d connect over our journey into becoming new parents. He would tell me about what he was scared of, what he was hopeful for, what he was imagining in the future.

We’d whisper it together in bed, holding hands, passing out like rockstar adults in the wee hours at 7 PM or 8 PM, on a lucky day.

Three questions to reflect

In the most challenging of times, try these on for size:

  • What was the best part of your day?
  • What are you grateful for?
  • What are you looking forward to {about X}? 

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Want to hear more about the journey of being pregnant while working at a startup? I’m writing a new book and opening a new project to talk about growing businesses, growing babies, and being a mama in the working world. Find out more at www.startuppregnant.com.

Focus On What You Can Do

Posted on by Sarah K Peck

Being a new mom is suddenly, urgently grounding.

It’s hard to leave the house because, well, there’s a baby right there. He needs me. Unless I get a babysitter, daycare, or my husband is home, I’m here, and it’s me and the baby.

This makes so many things infinitely harder. Leaving the house? That’s pretty difficult to do with a brand new baby. Exercising? Hard to do solo, especially when the kid is too young to hold his head up, so we can’t do a jog together yet. Nevermind the fact that leaving the house to go exercising is far less appealing than, say, eating a pint of ice cream. For breakfast.

(This is a real craving I’ve had, and I just dissected this craving with The Cravings Whisperer Alex Jamieson on her podcast, and she says it’s totally okay as a new mom for me to eat a pint of ice cream daily. I’m going with it.)

But back to the present: there is a real baby in the house, and he’s made it far more challenging to get things done.

There is a temptation to focus on all of the things I can’t do right now.

But instead, I’m trying to figure out everything I can do instead.

When I can’t leave the house to go visit people? I can call them instead. I can text them, send cards, or host hangouts for my favorite people on the interwebs.

When I can’t call someone? I text them instead. I drop them an audio text (a voice memo sent via text, like a voicemail. But better.)

When I can’t run, I can walk instead.

If I can’t get outside to a class to exercise (boy, do I wish!), I can do a Seven Minute Workout in my house instead. My neighbor, who also has a new baby boy, says he does the 7-minute workout twice in the mornings, and that’s all he does for exercise.

I try to do the 7-minute workout twice each week. So there we go.

When you don’t have time for the 7-minute workout, you can practice deep breathing.

Meditate, even just for a moment.

Stretch while you’re waiting in line for something.

If you can’t walk, enjoy the time that you can sit.

When you can’t take a vacation, you can absolutely find a patch of grass to lie down in for ten minutes. A micro-vacation.

Lie down in the sunshine, close your eyes, and feel the late warmth of the summer sunshine. Let the grass tickle your elbows, let a dog lick your feet furiously. Kick off your sandals.

Focus on what you can do.

P.S. I’m opening up applications for my Fall 2016 Mastermind. There is space for 8 to 12 people. I’m looking for the right mix of ambitious, intelligent, quirky, creative people to bring together for accelerated success. We’ll start in September. Sign up for program details here. Applications close Sunday, August 14th.

Words to Fill Your Mind: The Power of a Mantra

Posted on by Sarah K Peck

The words that fill our minds…

We all have words that we cycle on repeat in our minds—from worries about being late to songs we sing or words we repeat. Don’t be late, don’t be late, don’t be late, we repeat to ourselves as we rush from subway to office to meeting to appointment. Gotta finish, gotta finish, gotta finish—it builds across our mind like a chant, a pull to keep us focused long enough to finish the day or the project.  

[tweetable hashtag=”@sarahkpeck”]”What we think, we become.” —Buddha[/tweetable]

What is a mantra?

A mantra is a basic sound used in meditation and chanting, and more simply, in our daily lives. At its root, a mantra means “mind tool.” The root man– means mind; tra- means protection or instrument. Anodea Judith, in The Wheels of Life, describes a mantra as “a tool for protecting our minds from the traps of nonproductive cycles of thought and action.” She writes:

[tweetable hashtag=”@sarahkpeck”]“Mantras serve as focusing devices for making the mind one-pointed and calm.”—Judith[/tweetable]

Have you ever heard a young kid gleefully say the same thing over and over again? “This is so COOL!” They exclaim, only to repeat the same thing again a few minutes later, and again a few minutes later. Our minds hold words and ideas captive, guiding our thoughts with simple patterns that we often repeat on cycle. Sometimes it’s negative:

Dumb, dumb, dumb. That was dumb. Why did you do that?

And sometimes it’s positive:

Awesome, awesome, awesome. Nailed that! Whooo! Yes. Awesome. Awesome, awesome. 

And sometimes we get a peaceful song noted in our minds—a song that sticks, webbed words woven into our invisible frameworks.

Oh what a beautiful morning… Oh what a beautiful day…

Try it yourself:

A beautiful way to start your day is with a small mantra. Try a notecard taped to the side of your bed, a post-it on the inside of your wallet, or a scribbling on your daily diary. One of the reasons I write so many notes and doodle all over instagram is to remind myself and repeat words as I imprint them into my being.

What phrases would you love to embed in your mind? What new mind patterns and habits would be soothing or helpful? Perhaps during times of stress, “This too shall pass;” or “This is just but a moment.” These short phrases are powerful tools to build into your inner mind strength. Sometimes I like to hum to myself, “zoom in, zoom out,”—the vibration of the z buzzing against my lips, the mmmm a buzz deeper in my ribs and belly. (Try it: humming is delightful).

[tweetable hashtag=”@sarahkpeck”]”Zoom in, zoom out. It’s nothing in the macroscrope, it’s nothing in the microscope.”[/tweetable]

The vibrations of actual sound — joyful noises, as I like to call them — do more than just warm up our vocal chords. They are a means of expression, and they help to settle our mid-bodies.

How do you use language to protect your mind? Do you chant, sing, or hum each day? Do you have a phrase you love to hold on to?

What words are you telling yourself? Listen in.