Loving Yourself

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A friend of mine is having a bit of a rough time right now and I sent her a note to check in.

How’s it going, how are you feeling?

One of the ways we exist for each other is to confirm and mirror experience. When we notice a friend or a colleague struggling, we can say empathetically, “this looks hard.”

Sometimes kindness comes in the noticing.

Sometimes just acknowledging where you are can be enough to let yourself say, “Wait, yes, this is exhausting.”

But what happens when you’re weary, sad, or pushing through something insanely difficult and you need to take care of yourself throughout the process?

What if it feels like you can’t lean on everyone else and you need to muster up energy to support yourself?

My friend wrote back:

What small self-care steps would you recommend for feeling: frazzled, overwhelmed, frustrated with family, anxious about getting work done, sad, tired, homesick, confused and turned around?

Sometimes a few self-care motions can make all the difference in the midst of the yuck.

And as hard as it can be to do, as impossible as it can seem, we need to love ourselves.

Love yourself tenderly in the hard moments, like you would a child.

Now is not always the time to beat yourself up, or scold yourself to work harder or just “suck it up.” Sometimes you are already doing all of that — and we need, instead, to extend ourselves compassion.

We have a responsibility to love ourselves, no matter how much we might long to outsource this responsibility. In fact, if we look a bit deeper, we might find and sense that we are made up of love in our atoms and or cells — although in times of pain that can seem faraway, inaccessible.

So what we do is we care for ourselves, tenderly.

For me, as an INFJ, I need plenty of alone time, time away from stimulation, and time to decompress. Time and space to hear my own thoughts.

Travel is noisy and busy and full of other people’s energies. I am a fairly energetically open and receiving person (INFJ will do that to you) and that makes me exhausted being around other people.

My coping and compensation mechanisms are to find really quiet, really still things. I often have to activate them; it’s not enough to just “go be quiet in a room.”

I have to create environments that calm the buzz and the chatter. Dark, white-noise bars do it. Water and saunas and warm baths do it for me. Swimming helps.

These are a few things that help:

  • Alone time. Even if it’s in a bar, around other people. I take myself out to nice meals by myself and read a book. It’s something that feels really ME. For some reason Sushi and Sake at a small corner table do it for me (although not while I’m pregnant right now!).
  • Get someone to touch you. Hugs are needed, and our consumer culture can facilitate this through…
  • Getting your nails done. Particularly a pedicure. It’s a relief to have someone touch your feet. Soak them in warm water. You might want to cry. There’s a thing about Jesus washing people’s feet and I love that story (regardless of religion) because it’s so humbling and kind. Be kind to yourself.
  • Get a $20-$30 Thai massage. There are usually lots of places where you can pop in and get a massage. Get it. It helps with your body and rhythm and restoration.
  • Yoga class or 5 minutes of yoga. Pay attention to how much you may think you don’t want to go and understand that this might be a form of resistance to letting go, giving in.
  • Take a “dark nap.” I like doing “dark naps” in the middle of the day — shutter the curtains, hide in a closet, put earplugs in and an eye mask and do a sensory deprivation. It’s good for the soul, lets you close down to the sounds and noise around you.
  • Wrap yourself into a ball and give yourself a hug. 
  • Massage your temples, scratch your head.
  • Journal it out.
  • Listen to soothing music. 

And for sadness:

  • Sometimes reading really sad things or watching movies that will make me cry (Shawshank Redemption!) actually helps. It’s like you have to move through and with the sadness, not hold it at bay.
  • Crying is therapeutic. It helps clean out our immune systems and re-set our cells (it’s not just a passing idea that it’s useful, it really does do good things for our bodies).

What do you do to take care of yourself?

What practices help you restore, rejuvenate, and work through darker days, sadness, or frustration?

Packing light: how we traveled for 3 weeks across Europe (and got on stage!) with only small backpacks.

Packing Light

If there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s carrying an over-packed wheely suitcase through crowded subways and city streets up four flights of stairs after a long day of traveling.

Between being cramped in an overnight flight across the Atlantic, negotiating the limited quarters of overhead bin space, and standing sleepy-eyed at the baggage claim carousel, I’m shaking my head no, no, no to anything roller-bag related. By the time I’m in my new room, I’m cursing the loads of stuff I brought—and wishing I had packed less.

Somehow it always seems easier in retrospect to leave stuff behind, but I often get stumped at the packing process. When we set off to Europe for our honeymoon in June, I knew I wanted to travel light. The problem? I also had an on-stage keynote, three cities to be in, and at least one or two lakes and oceans to swim in.

Luckily, my history of taking a few plane rides here and there helped me winnow it down, and my packing process is getting more and more seamless. So I thought I’d geek out and put together a complete list of everything we packed on this trip, including some bonus notes on my favorite tricks for traveling light (and traveling in general) at the end. 

Traveling light.

Heading off on our adventure together + a peek inside the closet once unpacked.

Equipment:

  • Two backpacks (see the first photo at the very top for our backpack sizes).
  • My favorite one-shoulder day-pack. This day pack fits inside the main backpack while traveling (I store my liquids and meds inside of it while traveling for easy finding, then repurpose the bag itself for my day bag after we’ve dropped stuff off at our hotel.) This bag is awesome because it’s a cross-body strap and has a double-zipper feature: zip-top closure, and another zippered enclosure inside. I use the inner zipper pocket to carry my passport and dollars, and wear the back with the pack on my front to thwart pick-pocketers. I bought my bag about ten years ago, but similar bags by Overland are the Isabella, Donner, and Auburn.
  • Two small and large foldable zip-bags by MUJI. I LOVE THESE BAGS. Light, airy, and they compress down to nearly nothing. Great for sorting underwear and dirty laundry — we used them as laundry bags throughout our trip.
  • Also — an airline pillow, but we left this behind at the airport for someone else to use as soon as we got to our destination. In the future, I want to get a blow-up pillow of sorts, but for now I don’t mind grabbing a $10 airline pillow in the airport and then donating it to someone at the end of my trip.

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My favorite bags and carrying cases.

The technology pile:

We were two people and we were both working for part of the trip, so we took an 11-inch Macbook Air. I love this size because it fits on airline seats so easily; other laptops are harder to open up fully to use. The downside is the storage space is small and the tiny screen can make it harder to do all the work you want. We experimented with an iPad and keyboard, but some of the computing functions and editing functions (like having to touch the screen each time you wanted to move the cursor) were a little cumbersome. We ended up sharing the MacBook Air for creation and using the ‘Pad for reading and email.

  • 11-inch Macbook Air + power cord.
  • iPad + keyboard case.
  • Headphone splitter — my husband and I like things at different volumes, and this lets you watch a movie together on an airplane. Confession: we might have watched the entire season of Orange is The New Black on our iPad while traveling.
  • 30-way power adaptor with 2 USB plugs. The Tripwell World Travel Adaptor is my favorite international travel plug; it covers almost all countries and you can charge three devices with it at a time (one plug and two USB inputs).
  • Power cords + cubes. We brought one kindle charger and one phone charger, plus an additional USB-to-plug cube.
  • Cell phones as cameras. We bought an international data plan for one of our phones to use as a back-up map, and then left our phones on airplane mode for the most part; instead, we used our phones as cameras while we traveled.
  • Kindle + kindle charger (only the cord; words with a square USB plug)
  • Iphone + charger (cleared of space-hogging apps and used the phone to take photos with throughout the trip).

Clothing: how do you dress for traveling, hiking, walking, stage-ing, and exploring?

For clothing options, I picked pieces that were versatile and easy to pack. Here’s a sampler of my favorite outfits and the things I wore every day for three weeks:

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Shoes:

The biggest problem for me is often shoes — ladies’ high heels do nothing for my feet. I narrowed it down to three pairs, and wore one set on the ride over and back.

  • One pair of Teva sandals (my favorite walking sandals of all time — extremely comfortable and very versatile);
  • A pair of walking keds (I use them for running even though the aren’t really running shoes — really, the idea that you have to have a certain outfit to run is a little silly — you can run in jeans and sandals if you want to).
  • The trick here was the stage shoes — I couldn’t afford to carry a pair of heels for a 3-week adventure, so I brought a second pair of walking shoes, my bright orange loafers. They looked nice enough on stage, and still let me go city walking in them later.
  • Optional: a pair of yoga-toes socks. In lieu of a travel yoga mat, I bring sticky gloves and socks, and use those to provide salamander-like-grip on the floor to bend, twist, and fold to my hearts’ content. (Vibrams are also a great shoe to do yoga poses in, I’ve found).

Pants:

Believe it or not, I actually had quite a few pants options — they roll up small and tight and don’t wrinkle, so I had two long options (for cold nights) and two short options, plus a pair of athletic stretchy shorts.

  • One pair of skinny, stretchy jeans. These were my “stage pants.” Nice enough to look good on stage, comfortable enough to wear anywhere. And do yoga in. Because, yoga.
  • A pair of yoga pants. Because, obviously. Wear these on the plane, wear ’em when it’s cold. Wear them ALL THE TIME BECAUSE I LOVE THEM.
  • A loose pair of “Aladdin” pants — breezy, comfortable, below-the-knee length loose pants. Perfect for hot days, the beach, and anything. Cover you up enough (I’m not a fan of shorts all the time — sticking to seats; feeling too naked; the like).
  • One pair of everyday shorts. For the beach and touristy days.
  • One pair of athletic shorts. First, for running in, and second, because I wear these under dresses to flip upside down in handstands! Safety first — I mean, handstands first.

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Boat neck black shirt works for nights out; the alleyways of Barcelona, one of the cities we got to stay in.

Tops:

  • 3/4 boat neck black rayon-cotton t-shirt. (Long sleeves and high neck make me feel modest and keeps the sun off my skin and back.) Great for anything from a date night out to a day travel to a shirt to cover-up at the beach. Rayon/cotton blend dries overnight. Black hides stains and sweat.
  • Long-sleeve Quick-Dry Gray Athletic shirt by Gap body. This layered underneath a jacket keeps me nice and warm; the long-sleeve by itself is small enough to stuff in my daypack and warm enough for anything 45 degrees and higher.
  • One fancy blouse that’s crumple-free from Ann Taylor. (See photo, above). This wrap shirt was my stage shirt + going out fancy at night shirt; it was wrinkle-free and easy to wash and wear.
  • A red billowy top. Pairs well with leggings, looks great going out. Halter-style.
  • A tiny tank top for sleeping in and going to the beach.
  • An exercise top that’s quick-dry for running and casual wear with jeans.
  • One dress, which doubled as a cover-up and a second top — in a bright color, of course, to make me happy. (See: purple dress, in photos).

Orange shoes in stage action!

Other things:

  • Bandana — I like to have a bandana on hand and I often use it as a way to wrap up my underwear so I don’t yank out my computer from my packpack and have a pair of undies come flying out on the train and hit a passenger.
  • Hat — I carry a baseball cap for days when showers are too far between, or sunshine
  • Sunglasses. Because, well, sun.

Rain gear + jackets:

  • The jacket du jour: my favorite jacket of all time, a light black lululemon zip-up jacket with zip-up pockets on both sides (the better to hold my keys and wallet with). When it’s paired with a long-sleeve shirt, it’s super warm. Great for over-air conditioned airplanes and busses, unexpected late nights, and days that drop into the 40’s and 50’s.
  • Rain gear: it rained upon landing in Berlin, and the backwards airports meant we walked from plane to bus, and then bus to terminal. We bought two ponchos, but I think I may buy a real lightweight rain jacket in the near future because the rain jackets made us look like hunchbacks and total tourists. (Looking like tourists was not the goal — next time, we’ll leave them behind).

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We look like dorky druids in our ponchos; while traveling I love my stretch-jeans and a kindle to practice my squats while catching up on my reading. (You can’t take my yoga love outta me when I travel.)

Planning for warmth + some notes on the magical properties of a scarf for all-season traveling:

We traveled in temperatures from low 40’s to high 90’s (Fahrenheit), so we had to plan well enough to stay warm — and also cool. My favorite travel item might be a scarf. A long, wool-based scarf can transform into a hundred things. Scarfs double as pillows, blankets, and head-wraps: a blanket when you’re cold; a head wrap when you want to bury yourself in darkness while on an overnight flight. They also can be knotted and tied to create a quick second handbag if you buy something — all you do is wrap the scarf around your object, tie it in a knot, and then bring the two ends up and tie in another knot to create a carrying satchel to transport whatever object you’ve acquired.

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The magical properties of a scarf. 

For the warmest days (when it hit 90F) — I wore shorts and a small shirt or tank-top. On the coldest days (it was 40F and raining when we arrived in Berlin), I wore a combination of my long-sleeved tech shirt, my black jacket, a scarf, and, at times, the rain poncho.

I also love to travel with wool socks because keeping your head + feet warm makes your entire body temperature rise. So, for warmth:

  • One pair of slim wool socks.
  • My favorite scarf.
  • Layers (jacket, long-sleeved t-shirt).

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Toiletries, medicines, make up + other lady stuff: 

Traveling and incorporating full makeup on stage can add an entire extra travel compartment — and a lot of unnecessary weight — for the road. I knew I wanted to backpack for two weeks and only needed makeup for one day. I use a clean contact lens case (they are GREAT travel tools, see my bonus tips at the end for my favorite tricks) and I put a little bit of the makeup I need (foundation, concealer, smudge blush) in the micro-compartments for travel. I also carried an eyebrow pencil, a compact, mascara, and some red lipstick. The entire bag compressed down to a small ziplock.

When packing makeup and toiletries, I try to take all of the big bottles and make them as small as possible. The smaller the bottle, the smaller the pack. Other things I love:

  • MUJI also has a very small one-ounce spritzer, which you can use for super-mini hairspray and perfume doses if you want. Most hotels carry this kind of stuff, so It’s not necessary if you just want to borrow some.
  • The “feminine bag.” Ladies, when you travel for three weeks, you know it’s likely going to happen. I pack a reusable carry-case that has “first aid” on the outside of it, and I keep a stash of all the feminine goods I’ll need in there + any other essentials for an emergency kit. Not every country has the feminine products you’re used to, so bring ’em so you’re not surprised. 

Let’s talk drugs: sometimes while traveling, countries don’t have things that might help (anti-nausea, etc). I always travel with a few bonus tablets of each of the following in a tiny ziplock bag, as an emergency stash.

  • Benadryl.
  • Vic’s Vapor Rub — smear a little into one of those contact lens cases. (Bonus: get a six-pack with six different colored lids so you can keep everything identified).
  • Some Advil, Vitamin C and Vitamin B, and a couple of cough drops.
  • Small nailclippers. Two weeks without nail clippers and I’m picking at my hands like a hen at a feed.
  • Bug-spray. Mosquitos love me. My nickname in the woods (and in warm, muggy, urban areas) is “Juicy Blood” to all those terrible nats, critters and skeeters that like to chomp on me. For me, it’s a necessity.
  • Small bottle of hand lotion. Hotels usually have this, but I’m Vata-based in my constitution and dry skin happens as quick as I can say good morning. Dry airplanes suck the moisture out of me, so I drink water and lotion up + stay hydrated.

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Other favorite travel tricks I love: 

  • Vicks Vapor Rub is great for clearing out the sinuses and opening up the air passageways — and it’s also great when you’re stuck on a smelly bus with a bathroom-gone-foul. If you’ve ever taken a 4-hour bus ride with a nasty bathroom port-o smell, you know what I’m talking about. My favorite trick? Rub a swipe of Vicks or another scent (lavender and lemon grass are favorites) across the bottom of your nose. This blocks the offending smell and lets you breathe in peace for the rest of your trip.
  • Earplugs. I love earplugs — I keep a pair in almost every pocket that I travel with. Stick ’em in to avoid the overly-chatty pilot; stick ’em in to fall asleep; stick ’em in to drown out obnoxious chatterers and enjoy some stillness and quiet. I used to live next to a hospital, and these were lifesavers for dealing with the constant drown of wailing sirens.
  • Bring a facemask and socks on the airplane in your carry-on luggage. Some airlines give them to you, others don’t. I love covering up my face (or wrap that scarf around your head), and socks keep me warm enough to doze off to sleep.
  • Contact Lens cases are brilliant carrying devices. Use ’em to put a bit of lotion, vaseline, or wash if you only need a few drops of stuff. I put my concealer and makeup in ’em because I only really put on my face for the stage days; after that I was back to the hippy-dippy freedom of sandals and yoga pants.

I also like to pre-pack some food when I travel.

I also like to bring a few non-produce based food items on my trips. I’m mildly hypoglycemic and I don’t love eating gluten, so I buy 10 (or 20) of my favorite food bars, stick ’em in a bag, and carry them around. (I prefer the nut based KIND bars as a travel treat). I also like to bring about a pound of almonds.

While traveling, I’ll stick a bite in my bag so I can go on a bike ride and not have to wait in tourist lines (or spend $20-$30 unnecessarily) on lunch—and I’ll eat a bar or two and have a bottle of water. $1 lunch? Yes, please. A handful of nuts, a banana at a local market or bodega, and I can last until dinner — and then I splurge and get my main meal of the day. (This is also how I like to keep food budgets cheap during the day while still enjoying and savoring the local cuisine over decadent, lengthy evening meals).

Other international travel reminders:

This list isn’t comprehensive, but a couple of things to remember before you travel internationally: Photocopy your passport and email it to yourself so you have a digital copy. Also, you might have someone at home base have a copy for you. Know how much money you have in cash, and accessible through ATM.

Bring a small phrasebook of language notes for the country you’re traveling to. (You can download Lonely Planet books to your kindle, or rip out your language pages from the books to take just a few sheets with you).

In retrospect, however, I would have brought one more thing.

I love traveling light: all of my clothes fit on two hangers and in one stack on the shelves, and it’s both strange and delightful to have my clothing take up so little space.

Each time I travel, however, I learn one more item that I either overlooked or could have left behind.

One late night, nearly two weeks into our trip, I was sitting on the couch after a long day with my husband. Somehow after close examination — perhaps a few flights seated inches from each other did the trick — I realized that this man can grow an impressive unibrow when it’s left unattended. While laying in bed in our hostel, we decided that I might usefully help hand-pluck each of the offenders one by one.

I looked up and realized that I was in Barcelona, grooming my man’s face, and decided we had one more item to add to the the packing list.

Next time I’ll bring tweezers.

The Bali journey: in photographs.

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I’m a little bit at a loss for words.

I’m back from Bali, landing back in the USA after a flight pulled me 13 hours backwards in time, depositing me into the winter hemisphere. While I was gone, our city decorated the streets of Brooklyn with holiday lights, and folks have pulled out their hats and gloves to stay warm.

And my mind is still on Bali time…

I’m back, but slowly–back onto the internet, back after nearly three weeks of detoxification; back having had time to rest, back after a long, winding, deep period of inner emotional and spiritual work. For ten days I left the world of coffee, wine, alcohol, sugar, meat, dairy, cooked food, work, the internet, and technology (exceptions: phone as camera and kindle book, and of course the things that are technology from other generations). Before I left, I had started building a course called “Gratitude and Grace,” a two week micro-workshop that begins December 1st. It’s clear now more than ever that this is an important and beautiful project, and I’m excited to be putting the details on it this coming week (as well as writing more, much more, about Bali). There will be many stories, and many adventures to follow. There will be an invitation to join me on the Gratitude and Grace journey.

In the winter I wake up, early to rise, early to greet the sun. Hello, world. 

And today, as I ease back into writing, to talking, and to the working world, I’ll start with photographs of the Bali journey. The photographs make it glossy, shiny, sweet and surreal, but they capture a glimpse. The real trip was raw, messy, emotional, deep, dark, and light. I’ll go inside of it in good time, and the reverberations are already present within every moment, every cell, every day.

I’ll carry this inside, outside, through the heightened awareness of how interconnected we all are. You and me, we’ve got the strum beat of the universe inside of us; we’re connected by the threaded pulses of our heartbeats. Everything I do touches you, and you me. The ocean breathes and sighs, swallows and crashes; it too, dances to the vibrations. Here we go…

With gratitude and thankfulness swelled up in my heart,

sarah signature

 

 

Arrival into Ubud:

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The skinny streets:

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My shared home for the retreat:

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Running through rice fields in the morning:

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Rice paddies:

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Another stunning morning sunrise with volcanoes in the distance:

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Every day, the rice fields changed–some cut down, some flooded, some grew–it was the same, but new:

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The infamous Bali dogs:

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Traveling up to Gunung Kawi temple, viewing the rice paddies:

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The jungle abounds:

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Gunung Kawi Temple:

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Water purification, bliss in the heat (and soul):

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Several of the lovely people who joined in this journey:

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Yoga, every day, often in the rice fields:

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More yoga, balanced between two (wet!) rice fields.

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The North coast (Tejakula)–the last two days there I spent quietly by the sea:

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Let yourself dance, let your voice speak. Sing, from the soul. Start with a whisper. Feel the sound of your breath and the touch of your body. You’re here, you’re supposed to be here. 

The trip was incredible. I’m so thankful. More soon.